I guess we’re lucky Eric Massa didn’t try to tickle Rahm Emanuel

Posted on | March 11, 2010 | No Comments

Poor Glenn Beck! He was sure he was onto the key to the downfall of Obama’s socialist fascism. Rush Limbaugh told him not to do it. Bill O’Reilly told him not to do it. Michelle Malkin told him not to do it. But…he did it. He booked Eric Massa.

Eric Massa had been loudly proclaiming that he was being forced out of office because he was the key vote for dooming health care. Salivate, Glenn, Salivate! What did they do to you? What kind of pressure did they put on you? Well, I have non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. NEVER MIND THAT–the WHITE House–what did they do? OK, there were these sexual harassment allegations. AH-HAH! And those weren’t true at all? Well, of course, I groped a few people. Guy people. I mean, who doesn’t when you’ve had a few?

Ummmmm…

And then there were the tickle fights. Nothing sexual at all there. How can you say that’s sexual harassment?

Ummmmm…

I’ve been fighting these charges all my life. What we need to do is campaign reform! Stop calling each other names like socialist, fascist! You can be a progressive and a fiscal conservative at the same time! What we don’t need are these teabaggers pretending the deficit didn’t happen until Barack Obama took office.

Ummmmm…

Don’t worry Glenn, you didn’t waste our time. THAT night. Now try not wasting it every OTHER night!

And the Winner is…what, Sarah Palin took the envelopes too?

Posted on | March 8, 2010 | 1 Comment

Last night was Hollywood’s annual self-love fest…not that I watched it. I usually have more important things to be doing than spending 3-4 hours of breathless self-congratulatories…but perhaps I’m jaded after so many years of circus antics both on the stage and on the red carpet. There didn’t seem to be many moments of actual tastelessness this year, unless you count Sarah Palin and her entourage swooping down on the hospitality suite earlier this week like a swarm of locusts and carrying off anything that hadn’t been tied down. Silver Spoon (host of the gifting suite) partner Melissa Lemer insists it wasn’t true and published a “debunking” on Conservatives4Palin, but for some reason, this retraction doesn’t appear on the Silver Spoon site itself. The Latimes issued a retraction–believe what you will

Sandra Bullock made history by being the first actress to receive both a Razzie and an Oscar in the same week. She showed up for both awards–way to go, Sandra! Ben Stiller got all blue in the face with a misguided Avatar parody–might have worked better if there was an Avatar sweep. I was kind of surprised that The Hurt Locker swept as much as it did, however. I kept hearing all sorts of divergent opinions on it–that it was too patriotic, not patriotic enough, it was pro-war, it was anti-war–frankly, I thought that the opinions would split the vote. I haven’t seen it yet. I understand it’s an intense experience and when a movie is that intense, I prefer to watch it in the safety of my own home where I can pause it or turn it off if it gets to hard to handle. It’s interesting to read the blogs on the Directing win. You get the feeling that it was more important that a woman won the Directing award than that Kathryn Bigelow had won it for directing the movie. Ah, the burden of being a symbol! Congratulations, Kathryn.

I did see Avatar, and while there was a lot to admire in it and I enjoyed it a lot, I had to agree that it really wasn’t “Best Picture” material. My big disappointment tho’ was that Coraline did not win the Best Animated Feature, which was won by Up. Up had to win, since it was a Pixar production about an old coot, voiced by an old coot, whom we’d better give a statue to before he dies, whereas Coraline was a dark fantasy that really didn’t leave you feeling warm and fuzzy when it was over.

Back in the real world, I sort of lost out on Jim Bunning’s holding the unemployed of the United States hostage to his own dark fantasy about balancing a budget that had gone to hell the first year George Bush had entered office and hasn’t seen the light of day since. You would have thought his escapade would have been thoroughly condemned as an act unworthy of a Hall of Famer, but then you’d be reckoning without the Calvinist underbelly of the Republican Party. In this Calvinist reading of the way things are, the rich are rich because they deserve to be and the poor are poor because they deserve to be, this having been pre-ordained by God. It’s very much a “cynical” strain of Stoicism, which I’ve always believed to be the philosophy of the rich and powerful: it is my fate to be on top and your fate to be on the bottom. Tough s**t!

So instead of condemning the perfect gamer for the perfect asshole that he is, we heard that old refrain about how unemployment insurance ENCOURAGES being unemployed–in an economy where one in six adults is either unemployed, underemployed, or too depressed to find a job when there aren’t any available. Tom Delay even praised Bunning’s action as “brave”, showing that he has no conception that there is a difference between bravery and bravado. It might have been a brave stance if Bunning had not already announced his intention to retire as of the end of his term. But it seems that Jim wasn’t putting anything on the line, except the food and shelter of a bunch of OTHER people. As he himself said, “Tough s**t!” A true Stoic!

Oh, We Were Just Trying To Find Stolen Laptops–SURRRRRRRRRRE!

Posted on | March 1, 2010 | No Comments

While there are so many more important things going on in the world, like earthquakes, tsunamis and killer storm systems, not to mention Hall of Famer Jim Bunning singlehandedly delaying unemployment extensions during “The Great Recession”, it may seem trivial to pay attention to Pennsylvania and New York school administrators spying on kids through school-issued laptops. After all, like priests, these school principals and teachers ONLY have the students’ best interests at heart. They were merely trying to gain clues to the whereabouts of missing computers. And what about kids using drugs? Isn’t it better that school administrators be able to monitor their charges to possibly prevent them from dangerous dependencies and lives of crime? And of course, there’s the old bugbear of underage sex! Don’t you want your kids protected from … THAT?

There’s the old adage, you have nothing to fear from surveillance if you have nothing to hide which has always been used as the rationale behind the secret polices of authoritarian regimes. But, everyone has something to hide, even if it’s just their youthful bodies from the stares of pervy elders. Even in the relatively free United States, we are used to treating kids as if they had no rights. Parents, school teachers, clergy, police, all act as if kids had no right to privacy–unless there’s a reason to charge someone ELSE with the crime. But the ability of these school admins to invade the privacy of these kids while they’re not in school, in their homes, and the glee with which these pervs have boasted about being able to do it, astonishes me to no end.

As I said, we often treat kids as if they have no right to privacy. Kids regularly are subject to searches at schools–for their own protection–their Facebook pages are scrutinized, and now they cannot even change their clothes in their own rooms without the fear of some asshole spying at them through the computer the school system issued them for use in schoolwork. Just this year, some youngster was charged with child pornography for sending sexy photos of herself to her boyfriend. I wonder just how many of these computers have been used to gather pictures of students in revealing situations in the so-called privacy of their own homes? You can bet that if some admins are using the computers to spy on whether kids are using drugs, others of them are collecting pictures and videos of kids while they’re naked–or masturbating–or having sex–and using these stolen moments for their own perverted pleasures.

I am disgusted. If kids don’t have any privacy, what about the rest of us?

This is just political theatre–is C-Span getting my angle right?

Posted on | February 25, 2010 | No Comments

I love drawing Mitch McConnell, he has such IN-teresting LIE-ins. I was saying to my friend Sadie the other day, I said, Sadie, you know Sadie, she works in the parlour down the street, Sadie, I said, I hope Mitch McConnell comes in today, he has such IN-teresting LIE-ins, and Sadie says to me, I know, I KNOW, such IN-teresting LIE-ins, and now here he comes in because of this health care thingie and how it’s going to be on C-Span and EV-erything and how I have to make him just as PRETTY as possible because he’s going to be the star of the show and just make a fool of that Obama person. Oh, Mr. McConnell, I said, you have nothing to worry about, you have such IN-teresting LIE-ins. If I had my way, I’d just be listening to your LYin’s all day!

Of course, the damn thing IS just political theatre, but not for the reasons the Republicans are saying–so much of what could be called REAL Health Care Reform has already been bartered away. As Miles Mogulescu noticed in the Huffington Post:

“On August 13, The Times reported that while President Obama had presented himself as ‘aloof from the legislative fray,’ particularly in connection with the public option, ‘Behind the scenes, however, Mr. Obama and advisors have been…negotiating deals with a degree of cold-eyed political realism potentially at odds with the president’s rhetoric.’ One of the deals reported in The Times article was the Pharma deal. The other was a deal with the for-profit hospital lobby to limit its cost reductions to $155 billion over 10 years in exchange for a White House promise that there would be no meaningful public option.”

Wonder WHY Obama has been so pessimistic on the public option he promised during the campaign but almost immediately reneged on and why everyone keeps saying we don’t have 60 votes when it should take only 51? It’s because they don’t want a public option at all. What do the Republicans have to scuttle? The Democrats have already stove a hole in the hull.

Have your day in the spotlight, Mitch, at least the public will get the chance to see you baling water in instead of baling it out. But the ship’s already sinking without you.

keep looking »

ABOUT MEH

Cartoons and text by Greg Uchrin (aka Gregorius alexandrinus), with the able assistance of Fred and Bert Squirrel, with special appearances by George Dymme. Published Mondays and Thursdays.

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