Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

ColBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!

I can actually draw. Pencil Sketch, Stephen Colbert

Just to let you know...

Now I watch other brilliant commentators on our nation. I watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I like Stephen…he’s an up-and-coming young man, to whom I wish all the success in the world. But what gets me is that every once in a while, Stephen and his writers look like they’re reading me–AND NOT SENDING ME A CHECK! It happened many times during HAIL DUBYUS! but I overlooked it–after all, he is young. Great minds do think alike and what occurred to me could have easily occurred to him or his writers. And the young are wont to do brash and foolish things. But imagine the look on my face when I saw last night’s Colbert Report and saw the juxtaposition of these two clips which followed back to back on each other, the first about Congressmen twittering during the Obama speech the other night, and the second about adopting the “Swedish” economic plan and going Viking:

 

Now look at yesterday’s cartoon about congressmen twittering:

Cartoon of Republicans too busy tweeting on Twitter to actually listen to Obama’s first State of the Union addresses and send snarky messages via their blackberries.

John Culbertson (R-Tx) is all a-Twitter during Obama's Address

and this one from January 27, just one month ago,where I suggest to the ICELANDIC Nation that they take up a-Viking Again to solve their economic woes!

Let's go a-viking! Cartoon of Viking carrying off a girl who is asking him 'hvat's in yur vallet?' 'what's in your wallet?' as a town burns behind them.

What? Didn't you know it was a global crisis?

Nation… it is true that great minds think alike. And Stephen has a mind that is almost as sharp and quick as my own. But this is beyond coincidence. I own the copyright on Vikings! Stephen, if you’re going to use my material, you should PAY for it. Stephen Colbert, you have earned yourself a wag of my finger! YOU HEAR THAT COLBERT–I WANT YOU TO USE THAT DONATION BOX OVER ON THE RIGHT. Yeah, that one.———–> Until then, you’re on notice, mister! And that’s the word ;)

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State of the Union Edition: Republicans say Obama’s plan needs bolder ideas–suggestion? More tax cuts.

Cartoon of Republicans too busy tweeting on Twitter to actually listen to Obama's first State of the Union addresses and send snarky messages via their blackberries.

John Culbertson (R-Tx) is all a-Twitter during Obama's Address

The disloyal opposition had its own theme song during President Obama’s first State of the Union address–Rockin’ Robin–tweet tweet tweet, Rockin’ Robin, tweet, tweedley-deet! Since Party Head Rush Limbaugh (not that titular figure who looks like the token VP of a financial institution) has called for a united obstructionist front, Republican senators and congressmen attempted to sit out the whole speech on their hands–except for the ones who were busily hunting the snark on their blackberries until it was pointed out to them that it really looked like they were playing Worlds of Warcraft instead of listening–but goshdarnit, that crafty Obama said some thing that they HAD to applaud or look as if they really did want to screw the little guy–which they do, they just don’t want to LOOK like it. However, it is nice to know that some conservatives have abandoned their dip pens. After the Obama address, Louisiana Governor Booby Jindal–excuse me, BOBBY Jindal–decried the wastefulness of parts of the plan–like $140 million for volcano monitoring or $8 billion for high speed rail projects–and how it didn’t go far enough in–what else?–taxcuts. Obviously more tax cuts like those during the Bush administration will bring in even more revenue than they did during the past eight years. What, you say the tax cuts lost money? Simple explanation–we didn’t go far enough even then! Hasn’t anyone ever pointed out to these numbskulls that if you don’t collect any taxes, you don’t get any revenue? However, Jindal assured the nation that Republicans would be willing to work with the new President–up to a point. We saw that point the other week when they almost unanimously voted against the stimulus plan. As ordered by Chairman Limbaugh…

NOTE: Because I have already created and published two special editions this week, I will take off Thursday, February 26. The next new cartoon will be up Monday, March 2. :)

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Special Oscar Edition: Heath Ledger’s Joker Takes Oscar

Cartoon of Heath Ledger's ghost who shocks Alan Arkin at the Academy Awards by showing up himself to receive the Oscar for his portrayal of the Joker in Dark Knight, asking 'why so serious, Alan?'

Why So Serious ... AH-HA-hahahahahahaaaaaaa!

No surprise here…as soon as Ledger’s family flew in from Australia :) Congratulations, Mr. Joker, Sir.
Also no surprise on the sweep by Slumdog Millionaire

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And There’s A Bridge In Brooklyn We’re Running An Ad For

Cartoon strip of a spokesperson for the NY Post issuing a non-apology for their chimpanzee cartoon while being subjected to indignities by a real chimpanzee.

The Post defends its innocent (KOFF!bullsh*tKOFF!) cartoon...

There’s an saying in New York: “The Daily News is for people who can’t read, the Post is for people who can’t think…” (and the Times is for people who think they can read). If you haven’t been living in a cave for the past week, you’ve probably heard of the latest demonstration of total thoughtlessness on the part of the New York Post. Thoughtlessness at best. Rabidly racist and possibly treasonous at worst. Seems there was this pet chimpanzee that suddenly went bonkers and attacked its owner’s neighbor and well-nigh tore her face off before the boys in blue shot it down. That’s part one. Part two is that President Obama signed his stimulus bill–a bill which he was one of the principal architects of. There was a photo of this on page 11 of the Post. Turn the page. On page 12 is a cartoon. A dead chimpanzee shot by two policemen and one says to the other, “They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill.”
Now the Post says that this was really an innocent cartoon. It OBVIOUSLY referred to the chimp in Connecticut that got shot down. And they were kinda sorta sorry if anyone misinterpreted it, meaning any member of a racial minority who gets a bit bent out of shape when subjected to a racial slur. Like calling them apes. You remember apes–chimpanzees are one of them. Why would this be so “misinterpreted”? Because the stimulus plan–you remember, the thing that President Obama just signed on page 11–had been put forward–by a BLACK person. You know, one of THOSE people (to use one of the euphemisms by which bigots often refer to African-Americans) that racists have called apes.
That’s only the half of it. By portraying the author of the stimulus plan as a crazed, out of control beast that needed to be shot before it caused any more harm, the Post came VERY CLOSE–too close–to suggesting that the President of the United States deserves to be shot down like a wild animal. That sounds extraordinarily like a call for assassination to me. And to a lot of other people. Some of whom think it’s a good idea. I am appalled by the thought that a major American newspaper can suggest a heinous crime and then just get away with it. I don’t just blame the Post. I blame the Republican Party and all its hacks on right-wing radio for creating an environment of hatred. Yes, there are good Republicans. Many of them. But I ask–when are they going to stand up and abjure the politics of division and hatred that is poisoning the land they claim to love? Think about it–racism is the neo-conservative patriotism.
As for the Post’s non-apology. You’ve all run into them–the verbal bully. The man/woman who makes jokes at everyone else’s expense. And if you complain–they make it your fault–what’s the matter, no sense of humor? You’re just too sensitive. Somehow they make the fact that you took offense at an insult winds up being your fault and everyone around agrees–mainly because they don’t want to be the butt of the NEXT slur. Well, re-read the Post’s apology. If that isn’t an attempt to deflect the criticism back onto the offended (in the person of the Rev. Al Sharpton), I don’t know what is.
(DailyNews) New York Post offers half-hearted apology for chimpanzee cartoon has an excellent summary and a deservedly small reproduction of the cartoon.

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R Allen Stanford wants to help you in the worst way…

Another Deregulation Success Story--cartoon of R. Allen Stanford skipping town, carrying a carpetbag full of loot, being chased by an angry mob of investors...

For some reason, they wouldn't take Sir Stanford's credit card

One of the dogmas of neocon economics is that any kind of governmental regulation or oversight is bad because it prevents business from meeting its true potential. That’s not quite true. What it does is prevent businessmen from having as much fun as they want playing with the markets and becoming Masters of the Universe. In other words, fraud…
I can understand this reluctance to allow governmental interference. I too was enamored of the schemes of Fisk and Gould in the 19th Century. What a pair…how they ran off Erie Railroad stock on their own printing press to sell to Commodore Vanderbilt and skipped across the Hudson on the Ferry moments ahead of the police. Or how they cornered the gold market and caused a massive panic. As James Fisk said when people complained about losing entire fortunes: “Can’t a couple of guys just have some fun?” I’m sure they were whom Ronald Reagan had in mind when he began the march towards totally free-wheeling markets.
Of course, there is a downside. With no regulation, you get people like Bernie Madoff (Weekend at Bernie’s $50bn), R. Allen Stanford, given the title Sir by Antigua for his role in its economic boom, soon to evaporate with the worthless CDs he sold, and that DOPE stock trader who tried to fake his own suicide by crashing a plane without even taking care to load a dead body into it. No one’s seen Sir Stanford lately–he tried to skip town by chartering a plane, but the credit card company had already axed his card–presumably, he went home to pick up some spare krugerands so he could rent one for cash. Of course, all these shenanigans take place in a rarefied region where people HAVE a few millions that they can lose. But, I ask you, who’s gonna pay for it? Three guesses, and I bet you guess it on the first try…

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