“I’m sick and tired of all this government spending!” Well, Where the Hell were you when the bill was being rung up?

Once again, Fox News has come out to protect the American Rich Person–and convinced a good number of the not so rich to support them. Does anyone over there even know that the tax increase only effects people making over $200K a year? What do they all think–they’re all gonna win the lottery? Or do they care, because in the back water of extremist right wing hate, it’s being claimed that this tax increase will be going to pay minorities to do nothing. Who needs roads, who needs education? Burn the books–as someone shouted at one of Glenn Beck’s 9-12 meetings the other week. Is Fox a news network or a cheering section? Do they blame George Bush for running up our national credit debt to ungodly proportions? No–it’s Obama’s debt, even though he’s been in office less than 3 months. A return to pre-Bush levels of taxation on the wealthy? TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION! What–do they think it’s only legitimate if Republicans vote the tax bill? Impeach Obama–not because of what he did but because of what he MIGHT do. Hey, isn’t that the kind of thinking that got us into Iraq? Texas may have to secede, says its governor, Rick Perry. Well, won’t that be a shame.
Look, I don’t give Obama a 100% on his report card so far. He’s done some good things, but I think he’s headed for trouble in the way he’s handling the financial crisis by listening to the people who are hoping that this is just a glitch in need of a big correction. And Afghanistan may turn out to be as bad a morass as Iraq if we escalate our presence. And his Justice Department needs a good swift kick in the rear. But if anything, he hasn’t raised taxes on the wealthy ENOUGH. He’s done nothing to warrant impeachment, unlike the fratboy who held the office the last 8 years, unless you believe all the lies that were spread about him with the help of the so-called “fair and balanced” news network that spread innuendo as if it were fact and bravely “asked questions” where there weren’t any questions that needed to be asked. And for God’s sake, how can he be a fascist AND a socialist at the same time???
Do this group know what it means to teabag someone? You bet they do. They want to teabag Obama and all the people who voted for him, all the people who voted out Republicans from the Senate and the House, all the people who believe in science instead of creationism, all the people who think they’re so smart, all those blacks and hispanics and asians and…

Insurers Raise Cost of Protection Against Pirates–They Should Just Hire Ninjas!

Now there’s always been piracy in the South China Sea, but the Indian Ocean has had its share as well, especially in the Gulf of Aden. No one in maritime trading would have been surprised at the latest spate of incidents off Somalia, but the sheer audacity of the attacks is what seems to be getting the publicity. Now insurers have gotten into the act and have begun upping the premiums of anti-piracy insurance. I say, HIRE NINJAS! They’re cheaper than insurance and everyone knows, pirates and ninjas have a natural antipathy towards each other. Only don’t get ninjas from the school with Naruto in it. They might bring him along and then the only pirates they’d be able to protect you against are the ones from One Piece. Definitely not Jack Sparrow. (Hmmm why are they negotiating on Popeye’s old boat?)
Hmmm, but what if the insurance companies offer protection to the pirates as well? It only makes sense to play both ends against the middle–they could make money both ways. Maybe that would’ve helped prevent AIG from going belly up!

Adam Lambert’s Kiss Spins Bill O’Reilly Out of his Zone

That Bill O’Reilly is a homophobe should come as no surprise to anyone–the very idea of same sex kissing sends a tremor up his spine–unless it’s between three or four hot chicks, in which case, it ain’t his spine that’s all a-trembling. Bill is the kind of guy who likes the original movie “The Producers”, but can’t stand the musical because it was gayed up. After all, in his world view, gays should hide their gayness so as not to embarass any straight people that happen to wander by. It’d be far better if they joined the Church like they’re supposed to.
Which brings us to Adam Lambert, one of the more popular contestants on this season’s edition of American Idol. See Jason Linkins’ column in the Huffington Post Right there we have a problem. You see, in Billo’s mindset, American Idol is supposed to be representative of America, and as we all know, gays aren’t REAL Americans. Now Adam Lambert is gay–and just to prove it, there are some photos floating around the internet of him kissing another man and presumably liking it. Which Billo didn’t show, presumably out of care for his viewers’ tender feelings. Which gave Bill the heebie-jeebies enough to ask his guests, Margaret Hoover and Monica Crowley, whether or not people will abandon American Idol in droves because, omigod, there’s a GAY person competing. And being miffed when neither of the two ladies agreed with him, explaining to him that talent shows are about talent, not about the sexuality of the performers, even if they are called AMERICAN Idol. But it is always fun to see Billo miffed when he makes another asshole judgment and no one agrees with him and he doesn’t have an excuse to call them jerks.
But it’s been a bad week for Bill. Not only has an Iowa court decision allowed gay marriage, but the Vermont legislature actually voted it in AND overrode the Governor’s veto. Not only that but Roger Ebert compared him to Squeaky the Chicago Mouse. Said Ebert, It seems that Squeaky was floating on his back along the Chicago River one day. Approaching the Michigan Avenue lift bridge, he called out: Raise the bridge! I have an erection! There, there, Bill, at least they’ll have to raise the bridge for your ego.
Here’s the video from Youtube:

Madonna and Child–Malawi Edition

Like the Virgin, kinda sorta? Well, she’s no longer at the top of the news page, but a Malawian court decided against letting Madonna spirit another child away. While this is probably not so great for the child, it’s also true that Madonna could spend her money more wisely by funding a school and helping more children than capriciously becoming a fairy godmother to one. Alas, she’s no Angelina Jolie …
Check out the SNL adoption off skit: SNL: Madonna And Angelina In Weekend Update Adoption-Off (VIDEO)

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ABOUT MEH

Cartoons and text by Greg Uchrin (aka Gregorius alexandrinus), with the able assistance of Fred and Bert Squirrel, with special appearances by George Dymme. Published once a week on Mondays.

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