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Posted on | October 9, 2009 | 1 Comment(SNN) ROME– In an incredible followup to this morning’s announcement of Barack Obama’s Nobel Prize, Pope Benedict conferred canonization upon him as well. “Today, Divine Wisdom allows us to gather around his altar with praise and thanksgiving for the grace granted to us in the canonization of President Barack Obama,” said the pontiff. The pope addressed the unusual circumstances of this elevation: “While Barack Obama has not yet performed the requisite three miracles, he has offered the world hope after the idiocy of his predecessor. He has furthermore shown so much promise that we cannot believe but that an abundance of miracles will flow.” While saints usually come from within the Catholic faith, the Pope said, “The consecration of someone who may have once been a Muslim and even now is only a Protestant heretic is a sign of the ecumenism that the Church is supposed to show.” Pope Benedict continued, “The canonization of one who isn’t dead yet demonstrates the commitment of the Church to modernization in its abandonment of mortuist prejudice.” The announcement was met with cries of “Possumus! Possumus!” Yes, we can in the ancient language of Rome.
The White House was unavailable for comment.