The NEW Illustrated Guide to Mendacity and Folly in the 21st Century.

Airline Security–A Prediction from 2006

Posted on | December 29, 2009 | No Comments

Boarding a flight 2010--making sure all coach passengers strip down, check their clothes and submit to a cavity search before boarding

Naturally, first- and business classes will not be subjected to these new restrictions since terrorists only fly coach

Although I’m taking a much needed break, I could not help but reprint an old Hail Dubyus! number from 2006 which is suddenly again relevant. Airline passengers are again going to be made to suffer for the incompetence of airline and government security. There’s this guy, Umar Faruk Abdulmutallab…his father, Alhaji Umaru Mutallab, chairman of the First Bank of Nigeria, tells US that his son is an idiot and planning a suicide attack on an American flight. What happens? They let the guy ON THE PLANE. With the chemicals they were supposed to be screening for! Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says the system worked! Then she backtracked when it became apparent to her that if some brave soul, Jasper Schuringa, hadn’t tackled the guy, there would’ve been a puff of smoke where American Airlines Flight 253 used to be. Because we can’t match terrorists to the stupid watch list! And who’s going to pay for this incompetency? Why you and me, because they’re going to make boarding a plane so onerous with so many useless security procedures that only terrorists will want to fly! Oh and CEOs, bankers, and celebrities–they won’t have to get searched. Why would they want to blow up a plane–like the son of the chairman of the First Bank of Nigeria? Get on board, son, we know YOU won’t do anything!
Happy New Year Everyone!

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!