Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

…And a Happy New Year!

MOUSE OVER SANTA FOR PAGE TWO!

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Happy Holidays? Let’s hope they’re better than the run-up…

Squirrely decorations

Bert wasn't thrilled about being decorated for the holidays....Note to the non-anime fan: Kawaii is Japanese for cute

I was all set to write a nice silly piece about Mitch McConnell, AKA Yertle the Turtle, managing to outsmart himself into filibustering his own legislation. Then the Sandy Hook school massacre took place…

According to the Small Arms Survey of 2007, there were 88.8 guns per 100 persons in the United States. That’s a disputed estimate, but according to the FBI, there were over 137 million background checks performed for gun purchases between 1999 and 2011. The population of the U.S. is 314,953,000 (as of 12/1/2012). We’re beyond the tipping point. Even if we were to ban the sale of guns outright, we could still go on shooting each other unabated for the next century.

We are constantly told after each of these “incidents” that it is “too soon” to discuss what should be done about them. Too soon? With those statistics, it’s probably too late! What has to be done? I don’t know–I’m not smart enough to figure out the answer. But damn, something has to be done.

You know what I want for Christmas–I’d like one year without any shooting massacres. Especially of school children. Who weren’t old enough to have anyone hate them. I grieve with their families and friends, and with the families and friends of the teachers and principal who tried to protect them.

May all my readers have happier holidays, whatever holidays you celebrate. Even if you don’t celebrate any, may you have nice “days off” while everyone else is in church, or being forced to endure the relatives discussing the dreary events of the family for the past year. Intravenous Caffeine will be on winter hiatus and will return on January 21.

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The REAL War on Christmas

“Enough of that UN-mandated Socialistical ramp--here, your old crutch will be in better keeping with your home schooling...”

If you think this doesn't make any sense, join the club...

Bill O’Reilly and the Faux News crowd are in the middle of their annual War On The War Against Christmas, dredging up every incident of Happy Holiday-ism they can find in an effort to show how anti-Christmas America has become. Bill also argued that Christianity isn’t a religion, but a philosophy. Not to say that a good Catholic boy like O’Reilly has a fundamental misunderstanding of either Christmas or Christianity, let’s take his statements at face value for a moment.

As the Spirit of Christmas Present says to Scrooge (in the Alastair Sim movie but not the book), “We Spirits of Christmas do not live but one day a year, we live the entire 365.” And what is that “spirit of Christmas”? Buying gifts? Setting up Nativity scenes? Randy office parties? Santa Claus? No, the true Christmas spirit is “Peace on earth, good will towards men.” It means not going to war unless you really have to. It means giving to those less fortunate. It means going the extra mile for your fellow man. Not just in December, but all January through November as well. Above all, it means ANYTHING but paying attention to Ayn Rand.

That’s the Christian philosophy in a nutshell, Bill. And your cohorts, the Republicans in the Senate, showed just how much true Christmas spirit they had when they turned down the UN treaty on the disabled. Never mind that John McCain endorsed it, George H. W. Bush endorsed it, Bob Dole was wheeled in from his deathbed (as Jon Stewart put it) to endorse it. Never mind that it was based on OUR OWN LAWS. The Republican bloc but a handful voted it down because it raised serious concerns about our sovereignty (all treaties do–that’s part of the reason we have them), it was a socialist plot from the hated UN, it was an attack on home schooling according to Paul Ryan, the idiot we were spared from having as Vice President a few weeks ago. But above all, because Barack Obama wanted it.

Nice going, guys–maybe you’d like a chance to repeal our own disability laws now. After all, building ramps might cut into corporate profits.

Oh. And Merry Christmas.

Happy Hanukah to all our Jewish friends (as they say on the news). We will be taking our winter hiatus after our annual HOLIDAY card next week.

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We’re getting a little tired of this, John Boy.

Put the budget cuts in a brown paperbag and leave in the trashcan at 12th & Penn & don't try to slip in no tax increases if you want to see the government alive again!

As he finished pasting up his ransom note, Boehner thought: "No one will suspect me."

Once again, the government is being held hostage by House Republicans, led by the orange crybaby, John Boehner. Man, he pulls this stunt more often than a teenager pulls his boner on the internet. Only Boehner’s boner is that you can balance a budget without raising revenue.

The Republicans keep trying to get people to fix this phony debt crisis. Phony because they won’t allow the one thing that can really affect debt. Srsly, I’d never ask HIM to help balance my home budget. “What are THESE items, food, clothing, home…you don’t need more than that McDonald’s salary–just trim those down a bit and you’ll be doing fine. Increase the guns and ammo expenditures, you never know when you’ll have to barge in somewhere and stand your ground.”

Speaking of which, there’s another stand your ground case in Florida, a man opening fire on a carload of teenagers because they wouldn’t turn down their music. Do you start to think that some people have no idea that “stand your ground” doesn’t involve running out and shooting anyone who disagrees with you?

Enough said.

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