Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

This just in from Moosylvania–Palin Skedaddles

Homage to Rocky and Bullwinkle--celebrating the resignation of moosekiller Palin--Boris Badenov saw the party in Alaska from his window-- with guest appearance by Invader Zim who opines that Palin is crazy like a moose, and Gir who put lipstick on a pig.

Palin is so upset she went out to sue a Moore--I mean shoot a moose

Something tells me that Sarah Palin’s dustup with Dave Letterman didn’t quite have the salutory effect she wanted it to have. Sure, she made the headlines–for looking like an idiot–and his ratings went up a couple of notches. The media can be just so mean to poor little Sarah. So taking the advice that “when the going gets tough, the tough get going,” she decided to quit being governor. I’m not sure that that is exactly what that saying was supposed to mean, but that’s the way Sarah saw it. After all, she wants to get down more to the lower 48 as the Alaskans call it to have a greater visibility on the national stage in preparation for her presidential run in 2012. She has a book deal with Rupert Murdoch and there’s speculation that Fox News would love to have her spreading innuendo about godless liberal socialist fascist Muslims. There’s also speculation that there may be more ethics probes on the way and more than a few people have suggested that perhaps there is a family matter that needs to be handled before it becomes an issue. I’m rather hoping that she’ll confess to being one of Mark Sanford’s earlier dalliances–you know, the ones that he claimed not to have crossed some undefined line in? Rumors all of it–Sarah just got BORED and when Sarah gets bored, she quits and leaves her mess behind for someone else to clean up. She’s done it before–quitting the chair of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission. I wonder if she would have quit the Vice Presidency had McCain won? After all, being VPOTUS is supposed to be a terribly boring job–it was once famously described as not being worth a bucket of warm spit–only it wasn’t spit that was warm. That’s changed since Dick Cheney turned it into the actual power behind the throne, but Joe Biden seems intent on moving it back to its rightful place. Still, Bill Kristol thinks it might be a brilliant move–a certain sign that it is anything but. I’ll go with Karl Rove on this. Sarah, dear Sarah, what are you thinking? Of course, I’ve now become one of the bloggers she may be threatening to sue, like Shannyn Moore from the Huffington Post :) Nice of her to make that threat on the 4th of July weekend, when we celebrate the freedoms of the United States–like freedom of speech and freedom of the press.
Today’s cartoon is an homage to Rocky and Bullwinkle. Back when I did my original Palin treatment, I’d planned on sticking Bullwinkle in it, but there just wasn’t enough room to do justice to the mighty moose. I obviously knew I would need to use him further on down the line :) Invader Zim and Gir have joined the party celebrating Sarah’s resignation–after all, what could be better than a room with a moose if not a room with a herd of moose?

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SHOCK of the New Year–Bristol and Levi SPLIT UP

Well, mom, you wanted the baby so bad, why don't YOU keep it?

OMG No--Bristol Palin and Eli have broken up!

Well, folks, the unthinkable happened. Bristol Palin and Eli Whitney, ooops, excuse me, Levi Johnston, that fun couple of the 2008 campaign, have broken up. I know you’re all shocked. Why, they seemed made for each other. He was the kind of guy that would knock up his girlfriend and leave. She was the kind of girl who’d get knocked up. Nevertheless, we were assured that the wedding wouldn’t be accompanied by a 21-shotgun salute–possibly because there was a Political Action Committee in charge of providing Levi with financial inducements. But maybe not–it might have been true love–after all, they’d broken up and gone back together a few times before! Perhaps the reason for this unexpected breakup was Levi Johnston’s name. It may have sounded too “ethnic” and he may have “bristoled” at the suggestion that he change it to Trock. (bristled–bristoled, ‘at’sa good one, eh, boss?) We’ve only heard about this in the last week, Bristol is reportedly inconsolable. However, according to Mercede, Trock’s, excuse me, Levi’s sister–now there’s another moniker for you–obviously someone felt they couldn’t name her Mercedes because that was plural–the split happened months ago…possibly as far back as November 5, I’d guess. Now some cynics may feel that this marriage was nothing but a putup to make Sarah Palin look good before the election, but I’m inclined to disagree. I think Sarah wanted her daughter doomed to a few years of constant arguments with a boyfriend she’d been breaking up with on a monthly basis. It would teach her respect for the institution of marriage. Well, I suspect she’s got a whole lot more respect for it now–now that she’s saddled with a brat with no dad to foist it off on when she needs to run outside and scream. Not to worry, I suspect that family of average Joes will soon have a nanny on the payroll. As for Levi, he’s got his new wardrobe, a pocketful of spending money and is probably happy as hell not to have the governor of Alaska for his mother-in-law. Now he can go back to being a good ol’ boy in happy obscurity, without the attentions of the media in his face.

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