Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Portman Switches Chained CPI Stance: “I just found out my parents are old!”

Grandpa says, 'It's MY turn for the Fancy Feast.'

On the table again--tip--invest in Mars, Nestle and Colgate-Palmolive--that's right, they make most of the cat food

Senator Rob Portman has announced that he no longer supports chained CPI as a means of saving Social Security. Ohio’s junior senator said that his change of heart came from a personal discovery.

“I found out over the weekend,” Portman explained, “that my parents are old. I did not realize that they were on Social Security.”

Portman recently changed his stance on gay marriage about a year after his son came out. “I would have changed my stance sooner, but I had been hoping that Mitt Romney would tap me for his VP running mate. Fat chance–that asshole suggested we send my son to Tuvalu until the election was over. Tuvalu? That place is under 2 feet of water these days!”

“I always believed that all old people had socked it away and were taken endless Royal Caribbean cruises in their twilight years. And then when they couldn’t get on the boats anymore without vomiting, it was the fiscally responsible thing for their children to loot their bank accounts and put them into a home so they’d be covered 100% by Medicare and Medicaid.”

“But the parent-child relationship doesn’t exist for most Republicans. After mating, the female lays 1000 eggs and after spawning, the young eat each other to ensure survival of the greediest. They never know their mother, let alone who their father is. What happens to the mating pair with no children to put them into the nursing home? They’re left to fend for themselves. And I’ve seen a recently made study that shows that at the present rate of inflation, the price of filet mignon today will be the price of Companion cat food in five years time.”

Senator Portman added, “If this passes, I’d invest in Mars, Nestle and Colgate-Palmolive. Pet food stocks are sure to go through the roof.”
_________

Too late to do anything with: Run on the banks in Cyprus over the weekend? Only seeing news about it now that the European stocks have been affected? Tut-tut, America, that’s a little country–it’ll never happen here…

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Triumph of the 47%

Mitt Romney discovers that he is the turkey.

"Nothing is classier than good sportsmanship, Mitt."--The 47%


Well, a lot has happened in the last two weeks. We had an election. It did not turn out to be the squeaker that all the pundits and newsies hoped it would be. It did not turn out to be the rout that FoxNews, Newsmax, and the Romney campaign thought it would be.

Instead, it turned out to be a decisive victory for the President and for the 47% that the Baseball Glove so derided. Quite frankly, I still have no idea how so many people are actually fooled by GOP empty promises and failed policies, but Obama only got 52% of the vote. But I ain’t kicking.

Mittford still is. Showing sportsmanship, good sense, and a sense of fair play, he’s been mouthing off about how Obama won because of “gifts” he gave to poor people, students, old farts, immigrants–you know, all those people who just “don’t count”. Class act, Willard! President Obama is going to pardon a turkey this week. But it’s YOU who really needs it.

And last weekend was AnimeUSA. I had a great time in Artists Alley, meeting all the fans and cosplayers. The two panels I gave on Planning Your Manga and Neo-Traditional Inking went splendidly–although I seem to have forgotten my collection of pens and brush pens, so if anyone came across them, please contact me at gregoriusu01 AT gmail.com. I’ll be highly grateful. I’d like to give shoutouts to all the staff at AUSA, my fellow artists and all the cosplayers I photographed (and some I didn’t) whose pictures I’ve uploaded to my flickr account, far too many to mention (my photo, cosplaying as a well-fed but sleek seal is here). But I would like to give one to Kevin and Peter of A KAWAII BOUTIQUE, who had a great weekend doing their first Artists Alley–Kevin is a friend from DeviantArt and helped me last year at Katsucon to learn the ropes and also give me a break to get to the formal ball at that convention and this one. THX guys, glad I could help you get started on a great venture.

Now, Obama, it’s time to have your feet held to the fire. BWAHAHA!

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Vote Early, Vote Often, but VOTE!

Legislature Approved Voter Fraud

Need I say WHICH legislatures?


It’s going to be a tougher election than it should be. Tough voter ID laws have been enacted in far too many states specifically designed to make it tough for “brown” people, poor people and college students to vote. Two important states, Ohio and Florida, have precipitously cut back their early voting hours. And the United States is still filled with idiots who think Barack Obama is an atheist Muslim born in Kenya.

Mitt Romney SHOULD lose. After all, his entire plan for the country is to bankrupt it and all citizens with incomes less than a million a year and then sell it off to China. That’s his M.O. You’d think people would have caught on to it. Certainly not the Fox News-watching crowd–you know, the ones who didn’t know how big Hurricane Sandy had gotten and when they DID hear, thought: “Good–it’s time for them America-hating New Yorkers to suffer like the rest of us.”

Chris Christie got thrown under the bus for actually deigning to appear with President Obama as they toured the devastation in New Jersey. The GOP better hope the bus doesn’t overturn–Christie is a big bump in the road.

So on Tuesday, as one commentator said, America gets the choice of turning back the clock–by fifty years. Let’s hope that we as a nation are not THAT INSANE. You liberals thinking you won’t vote because you are mad at Obama for not closing Gitmo, not getting universal health and waging war by remote control–think of the alternative. Now go out and vote.

THIS WEEK, yours truly will be in the Artists Alley at ANIMEUSA in Washington DC. Anyone who is an animefan and is going to the con, please drop by my table! I’ll also be giving panels on inking your comics and how to plan your manga. And, in connection with this, I inaugurate my new Facebook Fanpage. LIKE it and get news about my other artworks as they are produced and get progress reports on my graphic novel HANAKO-SAN, now being storyboarded.

Have a good week and VOTE. See you soon.

Please to remember the 5th of November, gunpowder treason and plot,
I see no reason why gunpowder treason ever should be forgot…

A penny for the old Guy!

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You Have To Hit These Semantic Points JUST Right!

Barack Obama prepares to smack down Mitt Romney with a giant debate point/mallet

Where'd he get that mallet from?

Well, Barry was on point the other night. He not only went toe to toe with Mitt, but he managed to call one of his remarks “offensive” and look at one point like he was going to slap Willard silly. Americans are ALWAYS impressed by that kind of stuff. He got in the point about the 47% Romney doesn’t care about at the very END of the debate when Romney couldn’t make a comeback, AND he scored the rhetorical point of the evening.

Now, all the critics have pointed out that Obama’s score was a semantic point. Yes, Willard was right that it took us two weeks to determine if the Benghazi incident was a terrorist plot and this was because we got caught with our pants down. With all the cost-cutting, we didn’t have the security in an area where our diplomats were well-liked. Or the intelligence. And President Obama DID call the incident an “act of terrorism” while speaking in broad generalities in the Rose Garden the next day.

But let’s look at this a bit closer. What was Mitt comparing it to? Well, the most likely event that he was comparing it to was that horrible incident some 11 years ago when a bunch of terrorists flew some airplanes into some really big office buildings–that’s right, “9-11″. And we knew then, moments after it occurred, that not only was it an act of terrorism, but we knew WHO was responsible. And why did we know this?

Because Bush and Company had been asleep at the wheel. Intelligence had been advising them since day one of the administration that al-Qaeda and Bin Laden were planning something big, something within the borders of the United States, something that involved stealing jet planes, and the official response was, “Yeah, yeah, you covered your ass–now let’s get on to more important stuff like cutting taxes.”

How many times has something rotten happened that you snapped your fingers and said, “Man, I KNEW THAT was going to happen.” And why did you know? Because you’d screwed up and not taken it into account. So sometimes, speed in declaring something a terrorist act is NOT a very good thing–like when it’s an an indication of stupid complacency. So I’m more than willing to let Barry score on this one. Mitt deserved the mallet from Hammerspace.

What is Hammerspace? Glad you asked–it is the critical name for that extra-dimensional portal out of which a cartoon character grabs a giant mallet to smack down his opponent. I think we can thank Tex Avery for the discovery of the portal as a cartoon device, usually accompanied by a boi-oi-oing sound effect as the mallet strikes and loud music from Carl Stallings, but the name for it is much more recent and too obscure for the wiki to say who first used the term. Anyway, Mitt, welcome to Hammerspace–when you walk into one, you deserve it.

Now let’s see what happens in the next one.

And another sad event. Our condolences to the family of George McGovern, another lion who acted on what he stood for. The last generation of politicians who weren’t all completely beholden to financial interests is fast fading into memory.

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Martha Raddatz Forces Paul Ryan into a “Bela Lugosi Moment”

Sacrilege--a moderator who moderates! Show us the math, Paul Ryan.

Paul Ryan does his impression of Dracula being faced down with a crucifix.

Everyone was talking last week about the Thursday night smackdown of Paul Ryan … by Martha Raddatz! About this across the board 20% tax cut … do you have the specifics? Do you have the math? Do you even know what you’re doing? (Well, not exactly the last one, but pretty close).

As Ryan averted his eyes and shielded himself from the glare of intense scrutiny with a more horrified scowl than Dracula being faced with a crucifix, Martha boldly advanced with her Holy Microphone! No No NO! I’m going to try to weasel around with some nonsense about Republicans reaching out for a bi-partisan solution (like THAT’S ever happened in the last 12 years). So Martha delivered the final blow: “Yeah–NO specifics!” BOOM! Score one for an objective TV journalist.

Joe Biden loved it so much, he laughed through the entire debate. Actually, Joltin’ Joe got enough solid wood on the ball to knock several so far out of the park–and Ryan along with it–that Andy Borowitz quipped that the Democrats now want Biden to take over for Barry in all the rest of the debates. Barry’s response was that he realized he gave a less than stellar performance the first time, and THIS time, he was actually going to prepare for the debate. Good move, Mr. President!

The Press–you know, the one with the so-called liberal bias–on the other hand, gave bad marks to Joe for laughing and eye-rolling at every one of Ryan’s glossing over of the facts and plain old mendacity. The same press that fell over itself four years ago to praise Sarah Palin’s winken-blinken-and-nod performance–you know, someone SHOULD have criticized her for making fun of the handicapped like that–calling it “fresh and spunky”. I guess the difference between “fresh and spunky” and “angry old man” is about 30 years. This from a press that seems to think “Moon–Green Cheese? Blue Cheese–an alternate viewpoint!” is a solid debate topic.

Anyway, now the ball is back in the big boy’s court. Let’s hope that President Obama has learned a lesson about not misunderestimating his opponent. Just because he’s a robot with a pretty hair-do for a brain doesn’t mean he can’t pack a wallop in a medium where you win by LOOKING GOOD. And that’s the way it is.

A sad note this weekend. Arlen Specter, the last Republican with a conscience, passed away after a long battle with cancer. If you want to talk about bi-partisanship, he was one of the last Republicans to believe in it. So much so that his party forced him to seek re-election as a Democrat. I didn’t always like his votes, but I had respect for the man. He–and his kind of politician–will be missed.

And if you’re wondering about my Dracula references–Hallowe’en IS on the way and my wife got me the Universal Horror Blu-Ray Collection for my birthday. Bela Lugosi is stunning in HD!

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