Intravenous Caffeine Exclusive: Lindsay Lohan Tweets About Iran (with NEW picture!)

Lindsay Lohan shows her solidarity with the Iranians in a semi-nude shot taken in her bathroom mirror (with hair extensions) wearing a green wristlet while resting at a spa.

I care about Iran--see my green wristlet?

HI EVRYBODY-I just wanted you ALL to know I was just teesing about posting that pitcher the other day JUST becuz I was bored I realy ment I

was showing solodarity with the ppl of Iraq-or is it Iran-enyway, the ppl who r protesting over their. Boy r they tweeting a lot this week

If only sumone had TOLD me I ws supposed to be wereing green so I looked thru my old pitchers to see if I culd find something I had green o

n in and I found one its a pitcher I took of myself when I was at this spa for a rest and look I have a green wristlet! they realy cared a

lot about me at that place they never let me be a lone for a minit thats why Ihad to laeve the door open. They treat women terrible over th

eir and force them to wear hookahs all the time. But I wantid you all to see this pitcher so you culd see that i realy cared about seomthin

g else besides myself wunce in a wile becuz i realy am a sensitive person who cares about other ppl a hole lot n i will try to find moar of

my pitchers that I took even before I new i had such deep feelings about this. preferably one were I am not wereing panties altho im not we

reing panties in this one but you can’t see becuz I have jeens on. Talk to u all later kiss kiss kiss

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See the USA in your new US Government-owned Chevrolet

The Obama family goes for a ride in their new US government owned General Motors (GM)

Bankruptcy insurance not included

Well, now we own an automobile company that’s worth…MINUS $50 billion. You’d think we could at least buy a company that was MAKING money–you know, like Toyota or Hyundai. Chrysler dealers–the ones who’ve gotten the Bye-Bye letter–are selling off their stock at rock-bottom prices. It’s almost as good as Oprah–you got a car, you got a car, you got a car–a little more expensive but it has the advantage of not having to sit through Oprah to get one. What’s amazing is that Ford ISN’T going bankrupt. I mean, there hasn’t been a good businessman in the Ford family since Henry. Remember Edsel Ford? But Ford’s been through so many bankruptcies and restructurings that they have it nailed. No help needed from the government for THEM.
Keeping with the auto theme, let’s turn to auto-erotic asphyxiation, David Carradine’s death in Bangkok. First the police called it suicide, then they said it might have been an auto-erotic asphyxiation game gone awry. Now I ask you, what was Grasshopper doing practicing auto-erotic asphyxiation in the sex-for-hire capitol of the universe? I mean, this is a place where you could have sex with underage GEESE and find someone who will get it for you for a price. And would you really believe the Bangkok police who have a strong interest in keeping the tourist dollars flowing in one of their most prominent service industries? And do you have any idea how hard it is to tie yourself up? And then hang yourself by the neck and the balls in a closet? From what I understand about auto-erotic asphyxiation (which admittedly isn’t much), you have all these safety features, like easy untie knots for all the important ummm places, and an apparatus to hold them all. You just don’t hang yourself in a broom closet! Something tells me someone else was around…I dunno, just a funny feeling. It may have something to do with the fishnet stockings and red lingerie found in the hotel room. Hmmm I wonder what lesson Grasshopper was learning this time? Of course, THAT could have been an elaborate ruse to disguise the involvement of a secret Kung Fu sect that MAY OR MAY NOT exist, MAY OR MAY NOT have murdered Carradine and was the same sect that MAY OR MAY NOT have murdered Bruce Lee!
I may have done the Carradine case as a cartoon, but it broke when I was in Florida for a family wedding and had to draw cartoons ahead, hopefully hitting something that was still fresh. Congrats to my cousin Gianna, who looked truly movie-star gorgeous in her wedding dress, and her new husband Steve. Shoutouts to Peter and Angela, the parents of the bride, Patricia and George who put us up, Uncle Johnny, Aunt Louise, Aunt Mary and all the cousins who would take too long to name, and my smoking buddies, Lisa, Aaron and Alicia, who all have cards directing them to this site LOL. Flying back on Monday afternoon!

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Susan Boyle: Exclusive! Read It Only on Intravenous Caffeine!

Susan Boyle explains that with the world the way it is today, it's no surprise that she's hot.

Susan Boyle and Pebbles

INTRAVENOUS CAFFEINE FIRST! Our exclusive fictive interview with Susan Boyle, star of–well, not much at the moment except Britain’s Got Talent, a whole bunch of celebrity magazines and websites and Simon Cowell’s delusions of grandeur, but maybe something else soon! It’s safe to say you won’t find this anywhere else on the web! We sat down with the imaginary Miss Boyle and asked her these questions:

IVCAFF: So Miss Boyle, how do you feel?
Susan: Well, I’ve got a bit of an ache in my jaw muscles from all this smiling.
IVCAFF: No, I mean about your new found celebrity.
Susan: Oh, that, that’s a bit of all right, idn’t it? Fancy me, 47 years old and never been kissed and a star!
IVCAFF: I thought you made that up about never being kissed.
Susan: Hey, when you got a good line, use it. Make my day, I’ll be back, ’twas Beauty killed the Beast.
IVCAFF: Gotcha. But it is odd for sudden stardom to strike a woman of your … of your …
Susan: My age? My homeliness? My bad taste in housedresses?
IVCAFF: All that and more…
Susan: Well, it’s the economy, idn’t it? Things have been really down the crapper lately.
IVCAFF: True.
Susan: and when things are THIS bad, people start wanting to see happy endings. It’s the Cinderella story. I’m made for it, didn’t have a stepmum, but I took care of me sick mum for years, wasting me youth and good looks…well, youth anyway.
IVCAFF: You’re old, you’re dumpy…but you have a great voice.
Susan: Imagine that! Ugly as a pair of buttocks but has talent!
IVCAFF: Simon Cowell makes an odd fairy godmother. Well, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise, if you’ve ever followed jazz, half the chanteuses are all big mommas.
Susan: Or opera–they’re all two-tons Tessies, even the boys.
IVCAFF: But this is pop music, which has always put a premium on age and looks.
Susan: It’s ridiculous these days, why some of these pop divas make and break their careers while they’re still jailbait, they do.
IVCAFF: Only at Disney, home of the underage tease.
Susan: It’s true. Real women have warts! Hair growing out of moles! Jowls!
IVCAFF: Well, thank you Susan, all the luck in the world in your continued endeavors.
Susan: And thank you, Intravenous Caffeine, for not really coming anywhere near me.