Boehner and the Boehnheads

Once again, we have one situation that we can’t do a cartoon about, or at least one that we can’t get a funny take on. I’m referring, of course, to those idiots down in Florida who “tried and convicted” a Qu’ran and then burned it at the stake. Ahhh, we’ve come a long way since the Middle Ages. Since this didn’t get enough press and outrage from the Muslims around the world, our pal Hamid Karzai made sure everyone knew about it by rending his garments, pouring ashes on his head and demanding justice for the desecrators. Knowing full well that there is no law they can be charged with and that the US of A was certainly not going to extradite anyone to face “justice” someplace else for something that happened within our own sovereign borders. And of course, another bunch of idiots from the peaceful religion of Islam, having heard what happened via our good pal in Afghanistan, in order to put the lie to Terry Jones’ and company’s “indictment” of the book, have run around rioting and murdering people. There’s nothing I could draw that could outdo the collective idiocy occasioned by this idiotic asshole down in Florida, so I’m not even going to try.

I’m going to turn to our other good friend, John Boehner. The Republican party, as you know, has nominal control of the House of Representatives, making our national Boehner Speaker of the House. This means that John has the unenviable task of trying to make sure that bills actually get passed by said august body. The problem for John is that the Republican caucus is actually two caucuses: the official Republican one and the Tea Partiers. This means he has almost as big a problem as the Democrats had getting anything done with the Blue Dog caucus in their party voting against anything that wasn’t conservative enough. And boy. are you going to have a problem making something conservative enough for the Tea Party group.

Seems that most of them are new to this new occupation of politicking and have no idea that it means the art of negotiation and compromise. Now, you could say that about the Republican Party in general–and you’d be right–but most of the real politicians under the tail of the elephant realize that as long as you grandstand about the “big issues”, you can actually get everything else done without a whisper. Not our teabaggers! At least one of them has said that he isn’t gonna vote for any damn budget that doesn’t “defund Obamacare.” And the rest of them have similar demands. And like El-Orans in the desert, they are crying “NO PRISONERS!” as they charge into the august chambers of the august body. And it ain’t even August!

Now John knows that sooner or later, they need a budget. The WORST thing he could possibly do with the economy in its weak condition, excuse me, robust recovery (at least in the financial sector), is shut down the government. There is no consumer, no single employer more important, and to shut it down for even a few days could create such a downturn that even the wealthy could see a dent in their portfolios. He could pass a budget with enough compromises for some Democrats to come on board–but that would be a sin in the Tea Party’s eyes. He could try to explain to the Tea Party that THEY need to make some compromises…but then he’d be seen as a traitor also. As the saying goes (attributed to Mark Twain), “Never try to teach a pig to dance. It just wastes time and annoys the pig.” So somehow, he’s got to figure out how to pass a budget without Democrats and possibly without a whole buncha nominal Republicans. But a lot of Tea Partiers actually think shutting down the government would be a good thing so John might feel that he’s going to be talking himself blue in the face in the next few days.

Or maybe just green.

Giffords Shooting Prompts Reactions From Around the Web

Various reactions to the attempted assassination of Gabrielle Giffords from around the web:

Sarah Palin: Well, ya never thought anyone but a lunatic would take me seriously, you betcha.

Sharron Angle: You can’t blame me for what happened in Arizona!

John Boehner: SOB!

John McCain: BUILD THE DAMN FENCE!

Wayne LePierre, EVP, NRA: It would be a tragedy to use this isolated incident by an obviously deranged lunatic to impair the rights of ordinary citizens to semi-automatic weaponry.

Heinrich von Grammarrecht: Obviously insane, he used imply when he meant … WTF did he mean?

Gilbert Gottfried: A funny thing happened on my way through Arizona. A congresswoman got sh … what, too soon? OK–this family walks into a talent agent’s office. He says I don’t do family acts. The father says “Wait’ll you see this one!”

Anne Coulter: I can hear all the liberals whining now…

Glenn Beck: Is it possible this liberal got herself shot to help in her future run for the Senate? I’m only asking the question.

Wolf Blitzer: Some people are suggesting Congresswoman Giffords got herself shot to help in her future run for the Senate.

New York Times: . . . although, according to some commentators, it’s possible Congresswoman Giffords got herself shot to help in her future run for the Senate.

Rush Limbaugh: Congresswoman Giffords got herself shot to help in her future run for the Senate. It said so in the New York Times.

FoxNews: Communist baby-killer Congresswoman provokes citizen to defend himself.

Tucker Carlson: They should just take him out and hang him… oh, no, wait a minute, no, they shouldn’t…

Or maybe it’s just the hot air cloud over Rush’s studio…

Well, our natural world seems to be having its fun with us as a huge ash cloud erupts from Mount Eyjafjallajokull (Eye-ya-falafel-cul?) and cuts off Europe from air travel for several days. This is not the first time such a huge cloud has occurred: there was the famous Mt. St. Helens eruption back in 1980. The centuries have been dotted with darknesses “enveloping the whole of Europe” as the description of one 5th century eruption of Mt. Vesuvius that, curiously enough, signaled the start of the Dark Ages (although the Dark Ages could have been presaged by an eruption of Mount Etna in 417, on whose dating, I, in an earlier incarnation as an historian, wrote a paper on in 1990 (Olympiodorus’ Eruption of Mount Etna: a possible dating of 417. EOS: Transactions of the American Geophysical Union 71:329-334)). Rush Limbaugh has been having fun with it, calling attention to Obama’s statement on the passing of the health care bill that the world hasn’t ended yet. I certainly hope the Almighty has better aim than to punish Europe for OUR supposed transgression, so I shall assume that Rush-boy is being ironic, should he be capable of such complexity of thought.

But with such a global disaster, it might be better to look for a more global transgression, and I think we have our candidate at Goldman Sachs. Their financial manipulations–along with other august companies–managed to pull off a global economic disaster, yet their CEO Lloyd Blankfein had the effrontery to make a positively BLASPHEMOUS statement that he was “doing God’s work” while bankrupting the entire world. Now if I know one thing about Our Lord God Jehovah, you can kill millions of people and He won’t bat an eyelash, but say one thing wrong about Him and all Armageddon is gonna bust loose. On top of all, Goldman Sachs has the sheer CHUTZPAH to announce 5 billion dollars in bonuses to be paid to its executives–you know, the ones who bet short on the world disaster they themselves engineered–and you say, enough is enough.

The teabaggers have it all wrong–the cause of our ills is not the government–tho it’s not helping by spending 20 times the amount that could eliminate world hunger on a military that has gotten itself bogged down in the middle of a desert for 8 years. It’s these bankers who think God’s work consists of lining their pockets with our money. They’re no better than the guy who is going to the track and convinces you to bet on a certain longshot that he says he has a tip that it can’t loose. Then, when he goes to the track, bets all YOUR money on the favorite and after the race, picks up one of the losing tickets off the floor to give you with the lame explanation that he’s never gonna listen to THAT TIPSTER again. It’s beyond time that they should be sued for fraud. It’s about time that they should be INDICTED for it!

In the meantime, Europe is enjoying a slower pace and beautiful sunsets. Maybe Mt. St. Palin in Alaska will explode in a few years and we’ll be the lucky ones

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I went to a small con this weekend in Alexandria called T-MODE and had a great time. The advantage of a small con is its size–you can meet everyone and do everything. Naturally, you have a bigger selection of activities at a big con, but you always wind up missing some things you would have enjoyed. The organizers of T-MODE called it “fun-sized” and that it was. I got to hear a lovely singer Emi Meyer (also on MySpace–beautiful woman, beautiful voice, beautiful music) and hip hop artist Shing02 and DJ Icewater. I had a TAIKO DRUM LESSON from Doug Manring (Power Kix Drum Team and Real School of Rock) as well as meeting the new voice of Haruhi Suzumiya and a great singer herself Cristina Vee. Also there were our friends from the webcomic Geeks Next Door, who gave sessions ON webcomics, and Interrobang Studios, whose artist Sarah Martinez, gave a great session on surviving Artist’s Alley. I didn’t get to meet the vocal artist Mega Ran (aka Random) or voice actor Todd Haberkorn, or Roland Kelts, author of Japanamerica: How Japanese Pop Culture has invaded the US–I did have to run home and feed the kitten occasionally LOL. Oh and I nearly forgot, I got interviewed for Vidgle and I hope to have up a link next week to my podcast with them Congratulations to the organizers–I had a great time. My personal photos will be up on my Flicker account later this week.

[IRONY ALERT] After 150 Years, We’re Willing to Admit We Were Wrong–Lincoln WAS a Tyrant–Gov. McDonell

Renewing a Virginia tradition that was abandoned during the Occupation of Richmond by the treasonous Democrats, Governor Bob McDonell has declared April to once again be “Confederate History Month” in our fine commonwealth. In his proclamation, Governor McDonell studiously avoided all mention of slavery because the Confederate secession was not about slavery, but about states’ rights, in particular the right of individual states to decide if slavery was to be respected or abolished within its own sovereign borders and not be dictated to by an oppressive Northern government.

Besides, McDonell said, Confederate History Month was meant to be a celebration of the bravery and courage of those brave Southern boys who risked everything to defend their homes and the Southern way of life, and to mention “slavery” in the context would simply bring up a painful memory for all concerned, the descendants of the slaves and the descendants of the plantation owners who lost all their slaves.

Governor McDonell was proud of the fact that the Republican party has finally seen the error of its ways and has discredited Lincoln’s brutal insistence on the “sanctity” of the Union as the most arrogant oppression this country has ever seen. Now that 150 years have passed, McDonell said, the Republican Party no longer has to pay lip service to the images of its founders, a bunch of abolitionists and big government fetishists and has seen that the Democrat Party had been right all along.

“Just think,” McDonell added, “in another 150 years, what else will the Republicans support?”

[/IRONY]

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Due to pressing professional needs, Intravenous Caffeine will only be published on Mondays until further notice.

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ABOUT MEH

Cartoons and text by Greg Uchrin (aka Gregorius alexandrinus), with the able assistance of Fred and Bert Squirrel, with special appearances by George Dymme. Published once a week on Mondays.

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