Mark Sanford: Happy Father’s Day from Argentina

Mark Sanford, crying in Argentina, and singing about his woes as Madonna cries NO! in the background

Mark Sanford could only remember the music to the chorus

Mark Sanford, governor of South Carolina, admitted to an affair with a woman named Maria in Argentina. While most Republicans sighed with relief that it wasn’t with a boy and Fox News turned him into a Democrat, it seems there was a slight glitch during televised coverage of his news conference. Here’s the missing material:

Sanford: I’ve spent the last five days crying in Argentina.

Reporter: Crying in Argentina? Why, that sounds like a song!

Sanford: I’m crying in Argentina
The truth is I’m going to leave ya!
Despite our wild days, I’m going packing–
My commitment’s completely lacking!

I’m hiking in Appalachia
But NO! I’m in Argentina.
I was not hiking, nor was I biking–
What I was doing is my undoing!

I’m screwing in Argentina
One last time before I leave ya!
My boys had plans for the day of Fathers,
they’re disappointed, I can’t be bothered.

Because of you Argentina,
My critics laugh just like hyenas,
I’ve lost my moral cre-e-dentials
There goes my campaign presidential.

It’s all about me Argentina
High and Dry is how I will leave ya!
My wife has found out, her whip she’s cracking,
I am just lucky no heat she’s packing!

Goodbye to you Argentina
I’m crying because I must leave ya
I must start bawling, cameras are rolling,
Reporters for my head are trolling!

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!

Yes, Virginia, There IS A Sanity Clause

Suddenly, Dick Cheney says there was no connection between al-Qaeda and Iraq and that he is in favor of gay marriage. Santa Claus come early this year!

I Do Believe in Cheney Claus

Ahh, Dickie Boy. I guess it hasn’t occurred to you yet that nobody frickin’ believes you anymore. On the other hand, I guess you can’t be held to blame because the National Press Club obviously still DOES. Who else but the coprophagic reporters and editors who swallowed your BS for eight years would still pay attention when you offloaded the logs that you delivered the other day? Weren’t you the one who said that there wasn’t any doubt that there was a connection between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda? And said it over and over not just during the rush to a war that, oh, gee, you just admitted wasn’t really all that necessary, but for the five remaining years of your, oops, I mean, George Bush’s administration? Just who was it then who got us into this war? Congress? The other group who got diddled with edited intelligence, all disclaimers being buried in the footnotes? There IS such a thing as videotape, you know, and people can actually re-watch all those interviews. But not “the base”, I guess.
I guess Mary must be pretty happy right now also, now that Dad has realized he’s not against gay marriage. It must make her feel proud to know that he can acknowledge her sexual orientation without attacking anyone else–like John Edwards did during the 2004 election–for revealing a deep dark stain on his character. Too bad so many states have followed his earlier lead and started passing “Defense of Marriage” bills that define marriage as being between one man and one woman, but they obviously misinterpreted your unspoken thoughts.
Now, most of the news articles I read treated these statements of yours as two separate incidents, not wishing to reveal that you said both of these whoppers at the same event. But most of them completely ignored your dumping the blame for 9/11 on Dick Clark, suggesting that he was asleep at the switch and was caught with his pants down like the rest of you. Jon Stewart’s writers at the Daily Show (who have GOT to be watching every freakin’ news channel and C-Span 25/8!–as well as Arianna Huffington) After all, you hadn’t “read his book.” I guess you hadn’t read his memos, requests for meetings, briefing statements, either.
So what I want to know is, why does anyone pay you any attention anymore Dick? We already found you stealing the presents from under the tree. Isn’t it time we all grew up and admitted that far from being the Santa Claus we believed gave us peace and security, you were the Grinch who was stealing it away? Unfortunately, you’re out of office. It’s too late to invoke the Sanity Clause.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!

Two Little Maids From School Are We…

Awwwww, aren't chibis soooooooo cute and idiotic?

For those of you not into Japanese comics, a chibi is a diminutive character that usually performs the role of the “cute, annoying sidekick”. It actually means “small child” and adult characters can morph into their “chibi” forms when they are behaving stupid and childishly, bouncing up and down like a two-year old on tear in a temper tantrum.
Well, it seems that old Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck (whom I didn’t draw) have looked at the glass and called Sonia Sotomayer, Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, a racist–not noticing that this particular piece of glass was a mirror not a window. Her offense? Suggesting that someone of her background might have a broader range of knowledge and experience than a white guy. From Susan Crile in the Huffington Post comes the actual quote: As evidence, media figures like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Mark Levin, have pointed to a speech Sotomayor gave at the University of California, Berkeley, School of Law in 1992. During the speech, she said, “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.” Oh gee, maybe a little self-congratulatory, but racist? Well we all know the strategy from the Karl Rove playbook, “Thou shalt accuse thy opponents of thine own fault before they accuse thee!” By doing this, you make your opponent seem childish and unoriginal if they turn the accusation back on you…i.e., “You’re a racist.” “No, YOU’RE a racist.” “No, YOU’RE the racist…” etc. etc. You get the picture. Pundits like Gingrich, Limbaugh and Beck are trying to appeal to the basest of their base–not the intelligent, informed conservative, but the xenophobic nuts who have hijacked de facto control of the Republican Party. Whatever happened to the party that could boast liberals like Nelson Rockefeller–yes, at one time, it was possible to use liberal and Republican in the same sentence and within living memory too! Better start kissing the Hispanic vote goodbye, guys, you can have your wish of being the “whitest of whites” party. Pass the Clorox, please.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!

Michael Steele, You’re Rush’s Bitch Now

Michael Steele plays Rush Limbaugh's pony girl, carrying him in a carriage while a girl asks a tattoo artist if her tattoo can be changed from BUSH to RUSH...

Rush makes Michael Steele do penance for insulting him

UPDATE: March 29, 2010. High flyer: RNC Chairman Steele suggested buying private jet with GOP funds “Once on the ground, FEC filings suggest, Steele travels in style. A February RNC trip to California, for example, included a $9,099 stop at the Beverly Hills Hotel, $6,596 dropped at the nearby Four Seasons, and $1,620.71 spent [update: the amount is actually $1,946.25] at Voyeur West Hollywood, a bondage-themed nightclub featuring topless women dancers imitating lesbian sex.” Hmmm looks like I was onto something back here

Please note: I have nothing against people going to bondage clubs. Whatever floats your boat. I just find it ironic when the Chairman of the “family values” party spends nearly $2K at one and gets the “family values” party to foot the bill!

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2010/03/29/high-flyer-rnc-chairman-steele-suggested-buying-private-jet-with-gop-funds/#ixzz0jaf1DaRB and check out Jason Linkins at Huffington Post

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2010/03/29/high-flyer-rnc-chairman-steele-suggested-buying-private-jet-with-gop-funds/#ixzz0jaf1DaRBNot content with having forced Phil Gingrey to kiss his bulbous ass, Mr. Republican, aka Rush Limbaugh–who’d rather see the USA go down the tube than allow a black Democratic President to succeed where the GOP failed–has turned upon the head of the Republican Party–newly minted chairman Michael Steele and pounced on a supposed insult to Himself and made the sinning Mr. Steele grovel before Him. I don’t think it matters that Michael Steele is black, Rush would make any anointee grovel–he’s an equal opportunity megalomaniac. Now we know who’s running the show, don’t we? Unfortunately, this does not bode well for the party of Lincoln, but heck, they’d abandoned Lincoln’s principles by the time of Andrew Johnson. I believe that there is a true and major need for a conservative voice in government, but not a party of “dittoheads” shouting at the behest of a self-appointed demagogue. That’s not conservatism–that’s a mob. Perhaps Mr. Limbaugh thinks he should be the real head of the RNC–as President. Oh, well, Canada needs more citizens…
Andy Ostroy has an entertaining piece in the Huffington Post on this The Rush to Kiss Rush’s Ass> I’m amused that he chose to use the Titanic image to depict Rush’s helmsmanship since that was my same thought in January. GMTA