Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Collateral Casualties should be minimal…

As the machine gun drone sprays the area, Revolutionary Grrl leaps for the rope she swung in on...

It's 3 a.m.--collateral casualties should be minimal--the crooks are all there during the daytime!

Ah-hah, our girl has taken out the drone’s sights with her paintballs. But … the drone sprays the area with bullets? Aren’t they afraid of collateral casualties? Naw, it’s 3 a.m., all the real crooks are there during business hours. There shouldn’t be anyone in the business district except some accountants trying to balance the books for year’s end.

Speaking of collateral damage, yours truly has been down with a horrible cold since Thanksgiving. We hope you all had a great Turkey Day. We did, but then the sniffles began the next day and the runny nose on Saturday and … well, I just haven’t been paying much attention to anything else for a few days. I see the insane wing has been jumping up and down trying to get the war on Christmas noticed again. Fat chance–Hallowe’en candy disappeared ON HALLOWE’EN so Christmas merchandise could be put in place! Black Friday was one of the most successful ever, according to Walmart–there were stabbings, several murders, a woman tasered another one … Just good clean American consumerism at its finest.

The fright wing, in the person of Rush Limbaugh, has continued to jump up and down about the Pope being a Marxist. You tell them, Rush–maybe you can lose any Catholics in your audience, or worse, in your sponsorship. And of course, they’re all aflame about people honoring Nelson Mandela, who died during the break. Another Marxist–he even admired CASTRO! I saw one letter claiming God had sent him to hell. God certainly took his time about it, since Mandela was 92, but then I think that 27 year imprisonment was more likely Mandela’s hell and that if there is an afterlife, he’s certainly in a better one than the injustice under which he’d suffered. Nonetheless, the Westboro Baptist Church has promised to go to South Africa to protest at his funeral. Let’s hope they suffer a little collateral damage when they discover that while free speech is usually guaranteed for citizens and residents, visitors to a country usually aren’t tolerated as well. Or do they think South Africa is part of the USA?

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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Next–Debtor Prisons for Christmas?

Ah--the 53% speak--don't pay any attention to the guy with his hand up their...

Ah--the 53% speak--don't pay any attention to the guy with his hand up their...

Normally, I’d devote today’s cartoon to a Hallowe’en theme, but frankly, I’m not in the mood. I’ve just had another disastrous car repair bill–on top of more bills, bills, bills than you can shake a stick at. The car’s still at the shop–so I haven’t bought a pumpkin to carve. And yesterday, I managed to lose $50 … in the HOUSE. For the next 12 hours, I couldn’t find it and when I did, it was sitting right out in the open on the bed, where it was conveniently camouflaged by matching the colors on the bedspread. So instead, that gave me plenty of time to read about the latest Republican IDIOCY that they’re hoping will make sense to the yahoos.

The 53%. Ahhh, catchy name! That should make everyone forget about the 99%ers all right. Seems they now want everyone to get mad at all those people who don’t pay ANY income taxes. No, not the huge corporations and multi-billionaires who get REBATES from the government. They want you to get mad at the people who don’t pay any taxes BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE A JOB! Or who have one that pays just enough to make KETCHUP PACKET SOUP! How unfair! The Freeloaders! Make them pony up! Yes, sir! That will solve our deficit problem! This latest piece of lunacy is right up there with “Cutting Taxes Raises Revenues” and “Cutting Spending Creates Jobs.”

Now, please, I’m not blaming the 1% for not paying enough taxes. They’re paying what we tell them to. And a lot of the 1 percenters know damn well they’re not being taxed enough and ought to be asked to contribute more. But we’re not going to do it, not as long as there is an obstructing minority who believe that Scrooge’s ideas of how to treat the poor in the first few pages of A Christmas Carol are a F@#$%^& GOOD IDEA! Debtor Prisons! Workhouses for the Destitute! Let’s grind them down with our heels because they deserve it for not having the gumption to inherit their money like we did!

These people claim to love America. They just don’t like AMERICANS. Americans ought to be another exploitable resource and if they want jobs, they ought to be competitive with the Indians and Chinese who we can get to work for pennies a day.

So you see, I’m not really in the Hallowe’en spirit. But I’m getting closer and closer to the Guy Fawkes one. Hey, it’s better than Michael Myers :D

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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Happy Hallowe’en from the Cthulhu Group–your trusted name in finance

Mrs. Dymme mistakes the chthonic spawn of Cthulhu for children trick-or-treating as financial executives.

Ia? Shub-Niggurath? Is that Trick-or-Treat in a foreign language?

October is my favorite month because it has my two favorite holidays–my birthday, sometimes also known as Columbus Day (a day off AND presents, now that’s MY kind of holiday) and Hallowe’en. The end of October is fast approaching, the leaves have turned orange and started to fall, and the kids have started working on their costumes–unless they go to anime cons, and then they have costumes ready all year. But for some of us, Hallowe’en started last year and has continued on through the last 12 months–the bankers who destroyed the economy, told us that it would get worse if we didn’t give them nearly a trillion dollars to bail them out, and then proceeded to give themselves bonuses for doing such a great job. TRICK OR TREAT! Now, It wasn’t completely their fault, after all, we gave them the money And then said, “Oh, don’t bother to tell us how you’re going to spend it–we trust you to make the right decisions.” After all, look where your decisions have gotten us so far! With 20-20 hindsight, this lack of oversight was beyond doubt a true oversight that we should have had the foresight to forestall. But the Bush administration was still in charge and one thing you have to say about the Bush administration–when they were wrong–they made sure they were ABSOLUTELY WRONG. Not that things have changed that much with the Obama forces–our national treasury is still in the hands of Goldman-Sachs and the prospect of tougher regulation looks like it will go the way of single-payer health coverage–off the table before we even start. Instead, we’ve decided to ask these pirates if they pretty please with sugar on top, consider not acting like the total greedy bastards that they are.
But, isn’t it amazing how the real solutions get taken off the table so quickly–like impeaching Bush, which never even got to a vote because it had been taken off the table, and once the Democrats take something off the table, it’s like last month’s minutes at the cell phone company. Look at credit card reform–capping interest rates? That might make the credit card companies upset. Instead we forced them to “give notice” when they were going to gouge their customers–and then gave them enough of a grace period to institute loan shark rates before they had to even think of giving notice. Will we even be able to slap the wrists of the credit rating companies who issued fantasy ratings for the worthless securities that drove the economy into the dirt? No no no! those ratings are “opinions” and thus guarded by the First Amendment. The rating companies have no obligation to give an honest and truthful rating, according to their lawyers. If that’s true, why do we even have these ratings companies–why not just let everybody rate themselves and cut out the middleman! And on the health care front, the big question is whether the “public option” is going to be watered down as much as a strip’n'clip bourbon and water–or water and bourbon.
To add insult to injury, our old friend Joe Liebermann has announced that once again he will not vote with the Democrats but with the Republicans against the public option, demonstrating once again that his votes are not about what’s good for the country but what’s good for Joe Liebermann. I think he was jealous of all the attention Olympia Snowe was getting. Hey, they should all be getting upset about ME! Seriously, Democrats, I think it’s time you re-evaluated your relationship with this man. He promised to caucus with you, but cheats on you every chance he gets. If this was a marriage, you’d be consulting a divorce lawyer…a year ago when he supported the Republican Presidential nominee. I wanted to draw him today as an asshole (really–two cheeks with a hole in the crack) but since I don’t want to have to mark it “mature” I decided to do him as a slug amidst the chthonic spawn of Cthulhu instead :) I think it’s an apt analogy considering what he votes for.
In any case, Happy Hallowe’en: kids, trick-or-treat safely and treaters, always buy extra of your favorite candy. Now I’ve got to go carve some pumpkins :)

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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