Arizona Governor Jan Brewer: There Can Be Only One!

Solo puede quedar uno!--There can be only one! Jan Brewer's fight against the Illegals of Clan McLeodo.

The reason behind all those beheadings of Illegals Jan Brewer was talking about--Clan McLeodo! There can be only one!

I finally understand it. Here I thought the idea behind Arizona’s new anti-illegal immigrant laws was simply racism, ethnic purity or some such nonsense. It is not. Governor Jan Brewer is leading the fight against The Illegals! The immortal descendants of Clan McLeodo who are waiting for the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword and the fall of a head will release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can be only one! (cue Queen, Princes of the Universe)

The star of Governor Brewer’s political compass is not Ron Paul. It isn’t Rand Paul. Hell, it isn’t even Ru Paul. It’s ADRIAN PAUL! That’s right. Duncan McLeod! Not Connor McLeod from the daffy but lovable old movie which has a Scotsman played by a Frenchman who does a Peter Lorre impression (Christopher Lambert), while having an Egyptian with a Spanish name and clothing being played by an actual Scot (Sean Connery). About the only character who was what he was supposed to be was the Kurgan, a weird guy played by the even weirder Clancy Brown. No, we’re talking about the TV series with Adrian Paul (Adrian who?) which ran into the ground when his character Duncan McLeod decided he had two many co-stars and started killing them off at the end of season five.

So you see, it isn’t about crime, or racial prejudice, or white people wanting to hang around outside of Home Depot to pick up contractor jobs. After all, the instructions are NOT to use racial profiling in trying to pick out potential wetbacks on the street. After all, that hot blonde with the Eastern European accent could be one of them mail-order Russian brides who have married American just to get a green card! And we want to make sure those kind of criminals are arrested and searched for illegal ummm, illegal, well who cares, as long as we get to perform a full body search.

No. It’s finally clear that Jan Brewer’s and the Arizona legislature’s concern is to protect the people of Arizona from all the sword fights and beheadings that have been plaguing the streets of Tombstone! Forcing Arizonans to rush to the shelter of churches they would not have entered except for Christmas, Easter, weddings and funerals for the protection of Holy Ground where the Illegals cannot fight. Ever since Duncan’s dark quickening, Brewer said, we cannot depend on the Highlander of Clan McLeodo in the hope of having a good Calvinist only being the One Only Being. Arizona must be protected against ALL Illegals! Especially Canadians!

And speaking of Duncan McLeod: once I was in the Playboy mansion–that place is so huge and with so many rooms with SO many different things going on, I got completely lost. I was stumbling around, not knowing whether I was in the grotto or the bedroom wing! In my confusion, I turned a corner and went into a room and was aghast to see Hugh Hefner and Hugh Jackman humping on top of Adrian Paul. Aghast, I ran up to them, waving my arms and shouting: “Hey! Hey! Hugh! Hugh! Get off of McLeod!”

OK, I stole that part from Joe Bob Briggs. Happy 234th Birthday, U. S. of A.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!

Or maybe it’s just the hot air cloud over Rush’s studio…

Too big to nail?

Well, our natural world seems to be having its fun with us as a huge ash cloud erupts from Mount Eyjafjallajokull (Eye-ya-falafel-cul?) and cuts off Europe from air travel for several days. This is not the first time such a huge cloud has occurred: there was the famous Mt. St. Helens eruption back in 1980. The centuries have been dotted with darknesses “enveloping the whole of Europe” as the description of one 5th century eruption of Mt. Vesuvius that, curiously enough, signaled the start of the Dark Ages (although the Dark Ages could have been presaged by an eruption of Mount Etna in 417, on whose dating, I, in an earlier incarnation as an historian, wrote a paper on in 1990 (Olympiodorus’ Eruption of Mount Etna: a possible dating of 417. EOS: Transactions of the American Geophysical Union 71:329-334)). Rush Limbaugh has been having fun with it, calling attention to Obama’s statement on the passing of the health care bill that the world hasn’t ended yet. I certainly hope the Almighty has better aim than to punish Europe for OUR supposed transgression, so I shall assume that Rush-boy is being ironic, should he be capable of such complexity of thought.

But with such a global disaster, it might be better to look for a more global transgression, and I think we have our candidate at Goldman Sachs. Their financial manipulations–along with other august companies–managed to pull off a global economic disaster, yet their CEO Lloyd Blankfein had the effrontery to make a positively BLASPHEMOUS statement that he was “doing God’s work” while bankrupting the entire world. Now if I know one thing about Our Lord God Jehovah, you can kill millions of people and He won’t bat an eyelash, but say one thing wrong about Him and all Armageddon is gonna bust loose. On top of all, Goldman Sachs has the sheer CHUTZPAH to announce 5 billion dollars in bonuses to be paid to its executives–you know, the ones who bet short on the world disaster they themselves engineered–and you say, enough is enough.

The teabaggers have it all wrong–the cause of our ills is not the government–tho it’s not helping by spending 20 times the amount that could eliminate world hunger on a military that has gotten itself bogged down in the middle of a desert for 8 years. It’s these bankers who think God’s work consists of lining their pockets with our money. They’re no better than the guy who is going to the track and convinces you to bet on a certain longshot that he says he has a tip that it can’t loose. Then, when he goes to the track, bets all YOUR money on the favorite and after the race, picks up one of the losing tickets off the floor to give you with the lame explanation that he’s never gonna listen to THAT TIPSTER again. It’s beyond time that they should be sued for fraud. It’s about time that they should be INDICTED for it!

In the meantime, Europe is enjoying a slower pace and beautiful sunsets. Maybe Mt. St. Palin in Alaska will explode in a few years and we’ll be the lucky ones

I went to a small con this weekend in Alexandria called T-MODE and had a great time. The advantage of a small con is its size–you can meet everyone and do everything. Naturally, you have a bigger selection of activities at a big con, but you always wind up missing some things you would have enjoyed. The organizers of T-MODE called it “fun-sized” and that it was. I got to hear a lovely singer Emi Meyer (also on MySpace–beautiful woman, beautiful voice, beautiful music) and hip hop artist Shing02 and DJ Icewater. I had a TAIKO DRUM LESSON from Doug Manring (Power Kix Drum Team and Real School of Rock) as well as meeting the new voice of Haruhi Suzumiya and a great singer herself Cristina Vee. Also there were our friends from the webcomic Geeks Next Door, who gave sessions ON webcomics, and Interrobang Studios, whose artist Sarah Martinez, gave a great session on surviving Artist’s Alley. I didn’t get to meet the vocal artist Mega Ran (aka Random) or voice actor Todd Haberkorn, or Roland Kelts, author of Japanamerica: How Japanese Pop Culture has invaded the US–I did have to run home and feed the kitten occasionally LOL. Oh and I nearly forgot, I got interviewed for Vidgle and I hope to have up a link next week to my podcast with them Congratulations to the organizers–I had a great time. My personal photos will be up on my Flicker account later this week.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!

SNOWMAGEDDON!

Fred'n'Bert search for nuts in the two-feet-plus adorning the Washington DC area this weekend.

Shutdown of federal government forces squirrels to seek new source of nuts...

After spending the weekend digging out, and faced with the prospect of another dig come Tuesday or Wednesday, your cartoonist/columnist is following the example of the Federal government and taking the day off. Hopefully things will be better on Thursday!

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!

Happy New Year … it should be better than the Old one?

Sexbot actual purpose: conversation--'We need to talk. Sometimes I feel you don't respect me as a person...'

When she decides they need time apart, her programming says, "Don't be upset, it's not you--it's me"

Happy New Year–Happy New Decade! Good Riddance to the Old one(s)! What a pile of manure the new century has turned out to be so far (as Bess Truman said to the people who complained about Harry saying “you need some ‘manure’ on these roses”, “What? It took me 25 years to get him to say THAT!”) Let’s start things off right with a really funny but hard-hitting cartoon. What’s been happening?
Hmmm, we’re still talking about the airliner bomb FAIL, the security FAIL and the “no intention of invading–I mean, sending troops to Yemen” (I hope) not-yet FAIL. That’s two weeks old and I posted an oldie-but-goodie over Christmas to cover it. Timmy Geithner and his magic “shhhh-let’s keep this a secret” emails? Not funny enough, that can wait for Thursday. Health Care? SOOoooo last year! Besides they’re hashing it out behind closed doors, contra Obama’s promise that it will be televised on C-SPAN. Transparency is becoming more opaque every day. What else?
All righty then, let’s check and see if Lindsay Lohan is having a meltdown. Oh wow, Lindsay had to fly–COMMERCIAL! How sad. Casey Johnson died–who was she again? Some rich heiress who was Tila Tequila’s ‘wifey’? Whose biggest claim to fame previously was turning down Paris Hilton’s offer to start a TV program called “The Simple Life”? And who’s Tila Tequila again? Let’s call this one too sad for SO MANY reasons and decide not to start off the new decade with such a bummer!
AH-HAH! I have it–someone’s exhibiting a sexbot at the Vegas Adult Entertainment Expo! Now there’s something you could get your teeth into! errrrrrr… Oh, she’s not REALLY a sexbot. Inventor Douglas Hines says “The sex robot thing is marketing – it’s really about making a companion.” Um-hum…sure. Well, not in its present state, she can’t even walk yet–has to be carted around in a wheel chair so far. And she kind of has the expression of the girl in the bar who’s had one too many when you passed that marker two hours ago. Actually from her rather limited set of capabilities, she looks like a “stripped-down” version of Aiko, the “not a sex bot” gynoid that Le Trung is making up in Canada. Although designed to eventually service as a maid, (Everybody ought to have a maid…) Aiko’s name is actually a Japanese word meaning “love child,” and she looks a heckuva lot more sophisticated than Roxxxy, the new robot, tho not as realistic as the computer generated photos from RealDolls (bet the real dolls don’t look half as good), life-sized dolls that are actually SUPPOSED to be sexbots. Oh, brave new world…
Anyway, since Roxxxy is actually supposed to have conversations like a real woman, I thought I’d give my take on one of the many discussions that might come up. Happy New Year

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!