This week in appalling…

Students protest the football coaches being suspended--before the end of the season.

After the bowl games, heck, cut 'em loose...

Hey, did you hear about Penn State? They’re leaving the NCAA conference to join NAMBLA (ba-dum-tishhhhhh!) 2000 students rioted because of the firings, suspensions and resignations over the child rape scandal. Hey, we didn’t know this was a Catholic school! (ba-dum!)

In other news, Michelle Bachman thinks that poor people ought to give up two Happy Meals so that rich people don’t have to pay 3% more taxes. Unfortunately, that will wreck the Republican jobs program. Social safety net? We should look to the example of Communist China! They don’t do anything so socialistic!

Happy Veteran’s Day! Mitt Romney thinks you haven’t done enough to serve your country. Let’s privatize the Veteran’s Administration so that you can have the glory of paying American health insurance companies and help them make … even bigger profits. It’s only patriotic.

Waterboarding? Seven out of nine Republican presidential hopefuls agree it isn’t torture. Let’s rehabilitate those Japanese who were hung for it after WWII–oops, they did that against Americans–damn, they should have been drawn and quartered as well!

Berlusconi steps down in Italy–he wants to spend his time helping to defend Herman Cain. I was right last week, more harassment accusations popped up out of Herman’s woodwork. “My wife will tell you–she never heard of any of these things.” Right, Herman.

Last we heard from Rick Perry, he was trying to remember his name. Pick Peary? Rick Rarey? Wait a minute, I almost have it.

Frank Miller thinks the Occupy movement is nothing but hookers and rapists and thieves. Oh, my! Methinks Frank has gotten the United States confused with Sin City… and forgotten about the corruption that pervaded his creation. Things aren’t always black-and-white with splashes of color and good guys aren’t only sweaty, semi-naked men with painted-on muscles, Frank. Oops, that was 300. Maybe Frank is ignoring all those people who have extra time on their hands to protest–because they have no jobs! Perhaps he thinks they can get jobs at McDonald’s? They won’t be hiring–the word is that sales of Happy Meals is expected to go south.

Let’s really get some attention: OCCUPY THE SUPER BOWL!

President Obama killed the tradition of wearing “Aloha” shirts at the APEC summit in Honolulu. “Hey, I’m from Hawaii and even I think those things are awful!”

And finally, Penn State lost its first post-scandal game. Students said, “We knew they should have waited until after the season.”

Next weekend I will be attending AnimeUSA at the Crystal City Hyatt Regency. I’ll be participating in two panels on Saturday, one I will be giving on traditional and digitial inking at some ungodly hour in the morning, and the other I’ll be supporting my friend Alicia at her traditional post-midnight Yuri drawing panel. I’ll be in costume some of the time (courtesy of Alicia), but the rest of the time, I’ll be in my traditional purple “I NEED INTRAVENOUS CAFFEINE” shirt. So say hi, if you see me.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!

Corporations Are People Too

Mitt Romney sings a paean to corporations to the tune of 'People'.

With apologies to Barbra Streisand

Ah, Mitt! You’re our favorite candidate named after a piece of baseball equipment. And sticking up for the poor corporations like you did! Why, of course, they’re people. People who can live forever as long as they make money, who make scads of money but don’t have to pay taxes on it as long as their HQ is somewhere outside of the 3 mile limit, and who can commit all sorts of crimes, but never be sent to jail! Why, that just makes them SuperPeople. I’m certain the Roberts court will agree.

Enough, here’s the lyrics to ‘Leeches’ in case it’s too small to read on the monitor:

Leeches
Leeches who leech people
Are the luckiest leeches in the world,
Bloodsuckers, needing all you “suckers”,
With statements geared to mislead
they hide unrestrained greed,
Acting more like bandits
Than bandits.
Bankers are very special people,
They’re the luckiest people
In the world.
With two journals, two very special journals,
A mortgage deep in the hole
which should be crap,
looks like gold
Making profits untold
for corporations
Who’re just people.
Leeches who are people
Just the luckiest people
In the world!

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!

The Decider’s Decision Points: How I Flushed the Greatest Nation Down the Toilet

George Bush takes credit for his memoir as he holds up the trophy of his presidency, a bass fish he caught.

George W. Bush relives the proudest moment of his Presidency...

Georgie Bush, our own beloved sociopathic Alfred E. Newman, has been seen sneaking out from whatever rock he’s been hiding under for the last two years several times in the last few weeks, a sighting that could mean only one thing: his ghost writers have finished authorizating his rememboirs. Last week, the book finally emerged onto bookstore shelves and boosted onto the best-seller lists by the right wing book buying machine.

It comes as no surprise that George has no regrets about any policy decisions he’d made. The invasion of Iraq? Oh that was faulty intelligence–someone ELSE’s fault (which someone else, George Tenet, was awarded the Medal of Freedom for taking the fall for cooking the dumbass intelligence the way this dumbass president wanted). His main regrets appear to be public relations errors, Mission Accomplished (Great Job or something) and that stupid photograph of him looking out the airplane over sunken New Orleans. His worst moment? Kanye West calling him a racist. Because it forced a moment of self-reflection upon him? Au contraire–because it was so “disgusting” for Kanye West to say such a thing.

Kanye has become used to apologizing for things, so naturally he has now apologized to Bush. And well he should have. Bush isn’t a racist–it’s poor people he doesn’t like. Poor people exist to be exploited–white, black, yellow, brown, red, doesn’t matter–he’s an equal opportunity exploiter.

But what did we expect from Bush? Introspection? Precise delineation of how a person who rules from his gut came to gut decisions? We chronicled the Bush years after 2003 in HAIL DUBYUS! (when I finally decided to let loose my satiric skills–see my Best of Hail Dubyus and Best Of Page 2 pages) and in all that time, it was never clear whether Bush was an idiot, a lunatic, or just plain evil. His book does not elucidate that question any further. Most probably all three. But his book does show a fourth side of Bush–a lazy sumbitch who wasn’t even content to let someone else write his memoirs, but had to plagiarize other books about him by his advisors. Just think of it–we got into two wars and a near depression (which may still become a depression if the deficit hawks have their way) because this man was too goddam lazy to think about alternatative strategeries.

Speaking of my best of pages, you can get real printed copies of 70-some of my favorite Bush era cartoons at IndyPlanet, in all their 300 dpi glory. Look for Bushwhacked: The Wurst of Hail Dubyus and contribute to a noble cause: ME! (Seriously, I don’t get paid by anyone for creating these cartoons. I do it for the satisfaction of contributing SOMETHING to the universe to help hold us back from the cliff the Lemming States of America is rushing towards. But a few bucks would be helpful.)

In other news, AnimeUSA was this past weekend and later this week, photos of cosplayers will be up on my Flickr account. So anyone that I took photos of, be sure to check that link on Thursday or Friday, by which the pics will be uploaded.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!

STAMPEDE!

Republicans rush from the Obama Q&A with their tails between their legs as Roger Ailes finds something to cut away to...

Roger Ailes must have ended his war on Obama AFTER the GOP Q&A session last week

Feeling a bit achey after shoveling out of this weekend’s snowstorm (and thinking a little global warming would be good right about now), I realized that I’ve been giving President Obama such a hard time lately, I should really celebrate a signal triumph, the GOP Q&A session which has been described as Barry in the Lion’s Den, otherwise known as the GOP strategy conclave. Faced with salivating opposition party members WITHOUT knives and forks, Barry not only managed to hold his own, but did so on LIVE TV! For some reason this has shocked people, in spite of knowing that all Republicans, no matter how otherwise intelligent they might be, have to sign a waiver against the use of their own brains and limit themselves to parroting “talking points” despite how nonsensical it sounds when you play back a montage of Sunday morning talking head bites. Or that Obama can actually think and talk on his feet without benefit of teleprompter. So much for mainstream media propunditry. Congratulations to Virginia Foxx (R-NC) for taking advantage of the situation and getting Barry’s autograph! Way to go, Virginia!
What makes it all worthwhile is that Fox News was so disheartened by the event that they cut away to their own tiny car of clowns to inform the loyal viewership how bad Obama was doing so they couldn’t see for themselves how WELL he was doing. Of course, Fox viewers don’t know what to think unless they’re told, so undoubtedly a poll of viewers would have told us that Obama was soundly defeated by chants of “TAX CUTS.” But no poll was taken as Roger Ailes, Fox News Channel President, declared to “This Week” that he was no longer at war with the Obama White House. Maybe he isn’t, but the information hasn’t yet “trickled-down” to his staff of commentators yet. In any case, he had no ready answer for Arianna Huffington’s asking that if he wasn’t, why the cutaway. At which point he lamely countered that Fox News was the most trusted news in cable, a non sequitur that was no better than if he’d put on a big false nose and got up to hoarsely sing “I did the Strut-A-Way in my Cut-A-Way! Ha-chachachacha!” (OK there’s my age again–Jimmy Durante? Anyone ever hear of him? Sigh, the disadvantages of being 205!)
However, good news for finance–I hear Bernanke’s been re-upped and dear Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs is scheduled for a $100 million dollar bonus. Boy, oh, boy, isn’t recovery sweet? Remind me to celebrate on my way back from the Unemployment Office. Take care!

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!