Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Motorcycle Cops! And I’m dreaming of a white Santa…

Cops on motorcycles arrive to chase Revolutionary Grrl down the street.

OMG--I'm starting to hear the "From Russia With Love" excitement music!

Well, I’m doing a bit better today–at least my nose isn’t dripping like a faucet. How I LOVE winter colds! Add to that, an old filling came out and the dentist examined the tooth and guess what? I need another crown! I swear, I’ll have nothing but crowns in my mouth in a few years, more than the crowned heads left in Europe.

Anyway, it took me longer to do today’s episode, the final one of 2013. That’s right, as Revolutionary Grrl gets chased by motorcycle cops, appearing from what suspiciously looks like the entrance to the underpass at Dupont Circle, and ducks around a corner, we leave her for the winter hiatus. Christmas and New Year’s, Russian Christmas (a staple in my family)–my, that red lettering in the cartoon is mighty Festive! I have lots to do before the convention season begins in February, so I’ll stay on hiatus until January 20. OK, sorry about coming back Martin Luther King Day, but, better I take off the 13th and return the next week, than come back for one episode and then have another break the very the next week.

Speaking about winter holidays, tho’, it seems there is a brouhahahahahaha going on about Santa Claus. Wow, did you realize that he was really a WHITE GUY? Thanks, Megyn Kelly of Fox News, you’ve certainly put all those little black kids in their places:

“You’d better watch out, you’d better not cry,
Better not pout, I’m telling you why…
Santa Claus is joining the Klan,
Oh, man!

He sees you when you’re sleeping.
He knows when you’re awake,
He’s built a cross that he will stake
And burn just to make you quake!”

Ah, how I’m dreaming of a WHITE CHRISTMAS, Megyn! Just as white as the blue-eyed, golden-haired Jesus that you’ve painted for me. I’d drink an eggnog to you, but with that yellow egg yolk and brown brandy and nutmeg, it might not be white enough for you. How about some milk–with the cookies you put out for Santa. That’s right, VANILLA WAFERS. Oreos and chocolate chips? Much too suspiciously multi-cultural for your White Christmas.

Anyway, Happy Holidays, people! And for you non-Christians, Happy Kwanza, Gode Yule, Festivus for the Rest of us, and most of all, have a Sated Saturnalia. IO! SATURNALIA! And fear not–We’ll actually get to the plot before Katsucon in February! And remember to vote this up on Reddit and LIKE it on Facebook! See you next year!

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And as the laser sight sweeps around, Harry Reid pulls the nuclear option

Will Revolutionary Grrl take out the drone before the drone takes out her?

Will Revolutionary Grrl take out the drone before the drone takes out her? A race against time!

AH-HAH! Revolutionary Grrl has that paintball gun! Will she be able to take out the drone, before the drone takes out her? BTW. that drone is a laser-sight machine gun mounted in a quadopter, or 4-rotary miniature helicopter. Stephen Colbert failed to fly a toy-sized demo one that was brought on his program. This is a larger version of the same thing, which could be put to use to deliver medical supplies, emergency equipment, food, whatever to dangerous locations. Ammo, probably. And yes, there are already experimental machine gun mountings available.

This week has been all-Kennedy assassination, all-day, for several days on the television, with everyone and their brother remembering where they were when they heard. I remember where I was–in school. I kept thinking that “this couldn’t be happening” as my teacher gave us a moment for silent prayer. I spent the next several days hoping that this was a bad dream from which the world would wake up. We were glued to the television set at my house. Even more memorable was a few days later. Lee Harvey Oswald was being transferred from the Dallas jail he was being held in. My mother saw him and said, “There’s that bastard, somebody ought to shoot him,” and walked away to make Sunday dinner and suddenly–BAM! Somebody indeed shot him.

And I remember how old I felt when I mentioned to a younger friend about how vividly I remembered the day that Kennedy got shot, and she asked me with great concern, “They shot Teddy?” And now I can feel doubly old, when I acquire a new set of friends–who don’t remember Teddy! I’m afraid Bobby’s gotten lost in the shuffle.

The awesome power of the boob tube–bringing you live murder on the minute. How it has developed–now we can manufacture life-and-death situations for groups of nobodies so that the rest of us can be entertained by their ingenuity as they vie for a prize!

In the meantime, Harry Reid, after 5 full years of minority obstructionism, has finally pulled the plug and said “ENOUGH!” and taken the so-called nuclear option–going back to the original constitutional procedures for Senatorial advice and consent. NOTE that it is ONLY being used for approval of appointees. The minority can still veto any legislation they feel compelled to. Mitch McConnell, in a fit of Shakespearianism, has cried, “Damned be he who first cries Hold, Enough!” and told Reid that he would rue the day that he burst the dam on the largest number of obstructed appointments–SINCE THE REPUBLIC BEGAN! We can only hope that Messrs. McConnell, McCain, Graham, Cruz and the rest decide to blockade every bill in the coming year to force Reid into following Little Boy with the Fat Man and get rid of the filthy buster altogether.

For this, O Lord, we thank you.

Oh–and George Zimmerman’s temper has gotten him in trouble … again!

And in keeping with the spirit of thanks, we will be partaking of the annual feast again this year with old school friends. And after doing 9 weeks of an adventure comic with the new-found knowledge of WHY so many webcomics are “two dudes talking for 3-4 panels, with a punchline badum-tish!”, we will take the week off and truly be thankful. We will return on December 9 with the next installment of Revolutionary Grrl on Intravenous Caffeine. Once again, if you like what we’re doing, please click the LIKE button below and share with your friends. And Redditors, please vote us up! Happy Thanksgiving!

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Drones? In America? You mean besides the politicians …

After writing "THIEVES" over the window of the 1st International Megabank, Revolutionary Grrl is stopped by fire from a police drone.

Drones? In America? You betcha!

Revolutionary Grrl has told the truth for all to see–writing the word THIEVES across the window of the 1st International Megabank (Deposits: $17,000,000,000,000,000). Suddenly, a machine gun burst at her feet stops her and an electronic voice from a police drone tells her to “FREEZE — or the next shots won’t be a warning!”

What? Police drones firing on an American citizen? Hey, this is a “near-future dystopia”. There are already police drones being used for surveillance and there are already armed drones that aren’t missiles. You don’t think our trigger-happy defenders of the law would think twice about acquiring military-style gear, not when 500 cities already have police “TANKS”. Or using them?

But speaking of drones, our dear friend, Sarah Palin has spoken out about the liberalness of Pope Francis. We asked her about her comments: “Well, oh, boy, feeding the poor? Visiting criminals in JAIL? Sheltering the homeless? That sounds REALLY liberal to me! Next thing you know, he’ll say something about paying too much attention to the evils of birth control, abortion and gay marriage! Oh, he already has? I’ll have to research that in the medias before I say anything further, but I’m starting to wonder about who this Jesus he’s always talking about is–I think we’ll find out he’s some kind of Latin American Marxist revolutionary or anarchist or something, you betcha! No Christians I know ever talk like this–that kind of left-wing propaganda would never fly in Wasilla! Lord, Lord, I hope we don’t run into him when we go to our reward.”

How will Revolutionary Grrl get out of her latest predicament? Find out next week! And please, hit the LIKE button below if you like what we’re doing–and if you’re a Redditor, please vote us up! THX!

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Revolutionary Grrl 5–How to deal with surveillance …

As the two police units leave, Revolutionary Grrl comes back out of hiding.

Dealing with surveillance...

How does Revolutionary Grrl deal with surveillance? Find out next week!

In the meantime, it’s Hallowe’en. Trick or Treat! and boy, does NSA have a trick for you! Not just Angela Merkel–who has been thinking twice about that shoulder rub der Dubbley├╝ gave her–but 35 other national leaders (at the last count I can remember) have had their phones tapped by NSA! Not only that, but 60 million phone calls a month from Spain to add to the 70 million from France. Well, 50 million Frenchmen can’t be wrong, but we’ll add 20 million more to make sure.

The treat is that it’s making the world safer for the US. After all, they claim that it saved us from over 50 terrrrrrrrrist plots already. HOCKEYPUCKS! With that amount of data, I don’t care how much computing power you have, you’re never going to find important information–UNLESS you already know what you are looking for. Is that how they’ve been getting all those al-Qaida targets? Playing 6 degrees of Osama bin Laden from his old cell phone contact list? Now we know why that pizzeria in Islamabad got droned–someone who Osama called, called someone who called someone who called someone who called someone who ordered a pizza with everything–they must have been terrorists–no pork sausage.

This isn’t about protecting America. It’s spying on people just because WE CAN. Do they honestly think they can find out anything about a terrorist plot just by sifting through several billion phone calls a month? Hell, no. This isn’t a tool for protection, it’s a tool for prosecution. Once they find out who the terrorist is, they can track down any accomplices who are stupid enough to use their throw-away phones more than a week.

And the congresspeople who defend this tool? They’re just a bunch of tools themselves! Besides, we already have a network for spying on people. It’s called the Internet. Except that’s only useful for finding out what kind of porn the terrorists have been watching.

And cat videos.

Unless you’re Angela Merkel. We got everything on her. Who ya gonna call, Angela? Make it Ghostbusters–you got too many spooks on the line listening in…

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Revolutionary Grrl Page 4–What? Rival Police Forces?

As Revolutionary Grrl hides from the police--a DIFFERENT police cruiser arrives.

The triumph of free markets--police forces to the highest bidder.

What, you say? Rival police companies? Well, why not? Who’s to say that some people or businesses wouldn’t want THEIR police wasting time with THOSE people? This IS a dystopic future after all! Triumph of the free market!

After all, don’t we already have rival Republican parties? Speaking of wasting time, that’s all that was accomplished by the latest Tea Party tantrum. Obama, Reid, Pelosi and company hanged tough while the patriots who hate the U.S. government floundered for a demand. Don’t worry, there’ll be another ransom attempt–and another and another–until the Republicans lose the house or the black guy ain’t President no more, whichever comes first. And don’t worry, the media will portray it as BOTH parties’ fault…

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