Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Edward Snowden, Sentenced to a Lifetime of Hiding for Telling the Truth

Edward Snowden and the men in black

Well, we'd hardly lob missiles into a non-enemy country ... would we?

Once upon a time, Adam and Eve lived in a beautiful garden called Paradise. The caretaker of the garden, a being called God, told them that everything in the garden was good and wonderful. They had dominion over everything in it, as long as they did not eat from a certain tree called the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. If they ate of the tree, God said, they would surely die.

But the fruit of the tree looked good, as everything else in the garden was, and they wondered why there should be one thing in Paradise that didn’t seem to be as good as everything else. And a serpent heard them and said, “Oh, you will not die if you eat the fruit, but you will understand good and evil, just like God.” God, it seemed, knew that there was both good and evil in the garden even though he kept saying how everything in the garden was beautiful, and kept trying to chase the serpent out of the garden, and the serpent was tired of it.

So Adam and Eve ate the fruit and lo, their eyes were opened. And they looked around the garden. And what they previously thought was all good, they now saw as corrupt. There was fruit that was poisonous, animals that killed and ate the others and maggots fed upon the remains. Yes, there was still much good, but there was equally much evil. And they were sad and ashamed, because they could no longer believe in the pristine beauty of the garden and so Paradise ceased to be. And because of this, they hated the serpent, and now whenever people see snakes, they try to kill them, whether they be venomous or not.

It doesn’t matter–it was the serpent who destroyed Paradise, they said.

I’d watch my back the rest of my life, Edward. A nation that lies about spying on its own citizens will be relentless in taking revenge upon the man who showed it. And to Nancy Pelosi and the other Democrats who think it’s OK because a Democrat is in charge–ask me again in 2016…

Disclaimer: I’ve bought things from Hong Kong and the UK during the past year (art supplies, LEDs, old records)–does that mean I’m a potential target for surveillance? Hmmmmm?

We’re back after two successful convention at AnimeNext in New Jersey and Anime MidAtlantic in Virginia. My thanks to the organizers of the events and to everyone who stopped by my artist alley table to admire (and sometimes buy) my work :) And thanks to all my friends who made the events so enjoyable (too many to name!) and to all the cosplayers who had such marvelous costumes! No more conventions until August! I shall be attending Otakon in Baltimore (with art for sale in the Art Show) and will be in Artist Alley for InterventionCon in Rockville MD. See you next week!

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OMG–Someone had sex with Dave Petraeus?

Dave Petraeus goes viral--oppan gubmint style, sexy lady gubmint style

Gangnam style a la Pentagon--Gubmint Style

The latest titillation taking our minds off of real news is, of course, the fact that Gangnam Style has just beat out one of Justin Bieber’s songs for the top download off of YouTube. Oh, that isn’t the story? Oh, the Pentagon scandal!

The latest titillation that’s taking our minds off of real news is, of course, the fact that someone actually had sex with a general. And didn’t have to by virtue of marriage. That’s right, Dave Petraeus, our star commander from Iraq by virtue of the fact that he didn’t suck as bad as the others (the surge worked, right?) and present, until recently when he handed in his resignation to spend more time with his family, head of the CIA, had an extramarital affair. With a groupie! His biographer, Paula Broadwell. Now that’s one welluva broad, if you ask me.

Now the details confuse me, but somehow, this was all discovered because Jill Kelley, who was also involved somehow with the General, got harassing emails from someone (the aforementioned Paula Broadwell) and asked the FBI to discover who. (Dear FBI–can you find out about all these broads who keep e-mailing me about the size of my equipment and how I can make it bigger? Must be nice to be able to call up your friendly agent and get results.) She, I think, was also engaged in exchanging “flirtatious” emails with General John Allen (who bears an unfortunate resemblance to Elmer Fudd). Hey, we got four–bridge anyone?

Well, all I can say is that this gives new definition to the concept of “surge.” Oppan Oppan Gubmint Style! Now that’s what I call PSY-ops!

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Ted Nugent Now Down With The Secret Service? Did He Get Them A Discount?

The Secret Service asks for student discounts at a Cartagena brothel.

Obviously, their government discount didn't apply...

Before we go anywhere, we’d like to say Thank You to Jimmy Kimmel for saying something to the POTUS that he needed to hear. It’s one thing for the President to hear criticism on “the TV” where he can ignore it as background noise and another thing to burst through the bubble and say it to his face. With a demonstration. All those who’ve never smoked marijuana raise your hands, said Jimmy at the White House correspondent’s dinner. A few hands shot up and then sheepishly went back down when the owners of said hands realized that it wasn’t necessary to be an enthusiastic liar at this moment. Probably a lot of the people who didn’t raise their hands were trying to look cool (as in the “Of course, I’ve had anal sex” variety of cool), as well. But it was high time that President Obama realize that HIS youthful indiscretion was shared by the majority of the population. And that it was no longer necessary to “atone” for it by enthusiastic scrupulosity in applying the existing BAD laws. As one commentator noted, all that was needed to get around the Defense of Marriage law was to say, “Stop enforcing it.” Why can’t Obama do the same, at least for medical marijuana? Or was that another unspoken part of the deal with Big Pharma to lower their opposition to Health Care Reform? Anyhow, thanks Jimmy Kimmel.

Now on to the Secret Service. By now, we all know that 11 Secret Service agents hired 21 prostitutes in Cartagena and got into trouble by trying to “stiff” a particularly high-priced lady. Umm, by not paying her fee. 11 agents, 21 pros. The question we’re all asking–which one of you guys couldn’t handle 2 girls?

The fact that PROSTITUTION IS LEGAL IN CARTAGENA seems to have been ignored by most of the coverage. We are outraged by the “sex scandal”. The more important part of the story is that these Secret Service boys were bragging about their jobs and relations with the President to a large group of women whose security clearances were probably flimsier than their nighties. Cheese and Weisswurst! Have we started drafting our POTUS’s bodyguard out of high school? Or isn’t there a “brain” requirement anymore?

If that is true, I have no doubt that Ted Nugent is down with the Service. Despite his inflammatory displays of guns at rallies, opining in 2007 “Obama’s a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun”, besides his recent displays of bravado (considering his claims of elaborate ruses to escape the Vietnam era draft). He says now that the Secret Service and him are good buddies now. Hopefully because they told him to STFU. But if their Cartagena exploits are any indication of their brain pan measurements, Ted Nugent might not be the arrogant lying loudmouth he acts like.

In other sex scandals, Ricky Santorum, being the Dick that he is, had his picture taken with Lindsay Lohan and is denying it. Oh, come on, now, Ricky. You don’t ALWAYS have to act like a prick with a stick up his rectum! On the other hand, maybe you do.

And finally, in other news, Mitt Romney gave us his solution to soaring college costs. Students should borrow the money from their parents. Why not? He did.

And that’s where it stands.

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If you did that in Britain, Rupert, what the hell did you do here?

You're going to take the fall...

You're going to take the fall...

“All right, Rebekah, the police will be here in a minute. You were the one who authorized the cellphone hacking. The dead soldiers in Iraq, the 9-11 victims, that kid whose parents were made to believe she was still alive so we could stretch out the story longer.”

“Rupert, yes, I did all those things, but I did it for YOU.”

“You took advantage of my friendship with all the bigwigs in government and paid off the police.”

“But only on your behalf.”

“And with my blessing–like they did in America and Australia–but no one will ever know that.”

“Rupert, what are you saying?”

“You’re going to take the fall.”

She looked at him in disbelief. Then shook her head, as if trying to shake the idea from her brain.

“Oh, Rupert, you do such wild and crazy things. For a moment, I thought you were serious. Don’t kid with me, Rupert, not about that.”

“Don’t let my reputation as a sleazoid fool you. That kind of reputation helps me deal with the enemy… the REAL newspapers, the gutless ones who oppose MY way of thinking!”

Then she said as the realization broke upon her that he was telling the truth.

“You don’t love me! You were playing with me. You never loved me!”

“You’re going to take the fall.”

The Maltese Cellphone

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The Rapture DID happen on Saturday–just nobody made it …

Newt Gingrich's head explodes from his own lack of consistency..

Newt stands up for his nomination--and sits down again.

First of all, I apologize for not posting last week and not putting up a note that I wasn’t posting. I’ve been getting headaches from eyestrain–I’ve needed new eyeglasses since the start of the year but there was always something that was more important to do. Finally getting a week where I didn’t have a damn thing in the way, I went to the eye doctor the week before. That didn’t stop the headaches, of course–it just set the ball in motion.

You see, my eyes are so screwy, it takes a couple of weeks to get a prescription filled. I’m near-sighted–with astigmatism. But old enough to need reading glasses. And prisms to get the two eyes to look in the same place. Now that doesn’t seem like a lot. But it’s enough to expect the glasses to be screwed up the first time they send them back. I told the fitter this as I went to try them on. He laughed. Then three hours later when he admitted–ooooo, yes, they put the lens centers in two different places–they went back for the second try.

Now, regular readers will know that I am not an excitable person. Do I get mad at the smallest things? Never! It’s the big f#$%^&s that get me angry! So I expect two tries to get them right. It’s not until we get to the third try that doesn’t work that I get PO’d! Since it takes a couple of weeks between each try. And the fourth try arrives nearly two months after the eye exam. In the meantime, I’m still getting eyestrain headaches. And last weekend, I wrote a note saying no post. But forgot to post it. Mea culpa.

Well, much has happened. It’s been a good week for sex scandals! We found porn on Osama’s hard drives. And I do mean hard! That probably isn’t a scandal to anyone except a “hardline” Islamic fundamentalist, but give a guy a break–he was a “hard” man to classify. He wasn’t a holy man. Just a man interested in holes…

Arnold Schwarzenegger showed that his commitment to family values was so high, he actually had two of them. Families, that is. One with his wife, Maria Shriver, and one with his housekeeper, Mrs. Baby Mommy. “Who iss your Daddy and vat doess he do?” Ahhh, gotta watch out for them gays, destroying the institution of marriage. That’s OUR job!

And Dom Strauss-Kahn made the discovery that power is not ALWAYS the ultimate aphrodisiac and when a woman screams NO and runs away, she doesn’t mean, “Give it to me in the face, you sexy hunk!” Not that anyone would call DSK a sexy hunk. Except maybe Claude Levi-Strauss or Ben Stein. Imagine, an economist needing to get sex by force. You’d think he was a short ugly uninteresting toad. Hey, he IS a short ugly uninteresting toad! Next Case!

And finally, a maybe. Newt Gingrich has been busily digging himself a hole to stand in by backtracking over his campaign and running over it until it can’t make an insurance claim against him. Imagine the King of Sunday morning snore fests being taken by surprise by DAVID GREGORY??? Well, it seems he’d been keeping a half mil debt at Tiffany’s for a few years. Hmmmmmm, did the third MRS. GINGRICH know about this? All I can say is–she’d better not check into a hospital anytime soon…

Sorry, the Rapture didn’t take place last Saturday. Damn! I was counting on getting the neighbor’s 60 inch TV in the post-Rapture looting!

See you next week :D

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