If you did that in Britain, Rupert, what the hell did you do here?

You're going to take the fall...

“All right, Rebekah, the police will be here in a minute. You were the one who authorized the cellphone hacking. The dead soldiers in Iraq, the 9-11 victims, that kid whose parents were made to believe she was still alive so we could stretch out the story longer.”

“Rupert, yes, I did all those things, but I did it for YOU.”

“You took advantage of my friendship with all the bigwigs in government and paid off the police.”

“But only on your behalf.”

“And with my blessing–like they did in America and Australia–but no one will ever know that.”

“Rupert, what are you saying?”

“You’re going to take the fall.”

She looked at him in disbelief. Then shook her head, as if trying to shake the idea from her brain.

“Oh, Rupert, you do such wild and crazy things. For a moment, I thought you were serious. Don’t kid with me, Rupert, not about that.”

“Don’t let my reputation as a sleazoid fool you. That kind of reputation helps me deal with the enemy… the REAL newspapers, the gutless ones who oppose MY way of thinking!”

Then she said as the realization broke upon her that he was telling the truth.

“You don’t love me! You were playing with me. You never loved me!”

“You’re going to take the fall.”

–The Maltese Cellphone

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The Rapture DID happen on Saturday–just nobody made it …

Newt Gingrich's head explodes from his own lack of consistency..

Newt stands up for his nomination--and sits down again.

First of all, I apologize for not posting last week and not putting up a note that I wasn’t posting. I’ve been getting headaches from eyestrain–I’ve needed new eyeglasses since the start of the year but there was always something that was more important to do. Finally getting a week where I didn’t have a damn thing in the way, I went to the eye doctor the week before. That didn’t stop the headaches, of course–it just set the ball in motion.

You see, my eyes are so screwy, it takes a couple of weeks to get a prescription filled. I’m near-sighted–with astigmatism. But old enough to need reading glasses. And prisms to get the two eyes to look in the same place. Now that doesn’t seem like a lot. But it’s enough to expect the glasses to be screwed up the first time they send them back. I told the fitter this as I went to try them on. He laughed. Then three hours later when he admitted–ooooo, yes, they put the lens centers in two different places–they went back for the second try.

Now, regular readers will know that I am not an excitable person. Do I get mad at the smallest things? Never! It’s the big f#$%^&s that get me angry! So I expect two tries to get them right. It’s not until we get to the third try that doesn’t work that I get PO’d! Since it takes a couple of weeks between each try. And the fourth try arrives nearly two months after the eye exam. In the meantime, I’m still getting eyestrain headaches. And last weekend, I wrote a note saying no post. But forgot to post it. Mea culpa.

Well, much has happened. It’s been a good week for sex scandals! We found porn on Osama’s hard drives. And I do mean hard! That probably isn’t a scandal to anyone except a “hardline” Islamic fundamentalist, but give a guy a break–he was a “hard” man to classify. He wasn’t a holy man. Just a man interested in holes…

Arnold Schwarzenegger showed that his commitment to family values was so high, he actually had two of them. Families, that is. One with his wife, Maria Shriver, and one with his housekeeper, Mrs. Baby Mommy. “Who iss your Daddy and vat doess he do?” Ahhh, gotta watch out for them gays, destroying the institution of marriage. That’s OUR job!

And Dom Strauss-Kahn made the discovery that power is not ALWAYS the ultimate aphrodisiac and when a woman screams NO and runs away, she doesn’t mean, “Give it to me in the face, you sexy hunk!” Not that anyone would call DSK a sexy hunk. Except maybe Claude Levi-Strauss or Ben Stein. Imagine, an economist needing to get sex by force. You’d think he was a short ugly uninteresting toad. Hey, he IS a short ugly uninteresting toad! Next Case!

And finally, a maybe. Newt Gingrich has been busily digging himself a hole to stand in by backtracking over his campaign and running over it until it can’t make an insurance claim against him. Imagine the King of Sunday morning snore fests being taken by surprise by DAVID GREGORY??? Well, it seems he’d been keeping a half mil debt at Tiffany’s for a few years. Hmmmmmm, did the third MRS. GINGRICH know about this? All I can say is–she’d better not check into a hospital anytime soon…

Sorry, the Rapture didn’t take place last Saturday. Damn! I was counting on getting the neighbor’s 60 inch TV in the post-Rapture looting!

See you next week

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Special Post: Wank–errr–Working at the SEC

How the SEC regulated business since the Internet

I couldn’t let this go without celebrating this piece of news with a song!

Wanking while you work!
Give yourself a jerk!
At the office all day long,
Oh, what an awesome perk!

Get a hummer at the poon!
Wet your whistle really soon!
And download to the stack
of DVDs that fill the room!

Gaze upon her twat!
What’s on your hand ain’t snot!
Remember to back up a bit
so your keyboard will not be hit!

Here at the SEC,
our work is so easy!

Just stamp approved on everything–do not examine anything!

And don’t allow a single thing to sway you from not doing a thing!

So in the crapper the economy fling!

When WANKING WHILE YOU WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKK!

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What did the Pope’s Nose and when did he nose it?

Pope Benedict has nothing to say about the abuse that occurred under his brother's watch.

Sergeant Schultzinger...

Whenever a coverup starts getting uncovered, the big question that always arises is about the boy at the top. OK Girl at the top too, corruption is an equal opportunity employer. The question is, “What did they know and when did they know it?” In other words, were they involved in the coverup, or were they just clueless schmucks. Warren G. Harding was a clueless schmuck. He let his people organize Teapot Dome AND let them talk him into appointing just the right people to look the other way without any idea that these guys were not just great guys to have a poker game with. Richard Nixon, on the other hand, knew a lot about the Watergate break-in from the moment the “plumbers” were arrested and they were arrested doing a job that he’d authorized in principle.

So we come to the Church and its seemingly endless abuse scandal. Seemingly endless because although the cases of abuse are all relatively recent, there’s no way of knowing just how far back this abuse had been part of the Church under-culture. Certainly Catholic schools always had the reputation of “beating kids into shape,” but before the 20th C, it was generally accepted as a given that some kids needed “molding” in that manner and that all kids stood to need a whuppin’ now and then just to remind them of their place. But we’ve pretty much abandoned that in Western society for some time now. And the abuse we’re talking about is not just physical punishment, but sexual abuse as well.

Anyway, for the last few years it seems that every time you turn around, another country has uncovered physical and sexual abuse carried out by priests, nuns, brothers, teachers, etc.. And finally it has hit Germany, where the Pope Benedict was a bishop and later cardinal and where his brother Georg Raztinger directed a choir for a good 20 years, and guess what? Allegations of abuse has rizz! Not about Georg, who seems to have done nothing untoward except slap the boys around a bit, but who, of course, had no idea that any sexual abuse was going on by his subordinates.

And naturally, brother Joseph, now Pope B, had no idea of it either, nor of abuse going on in his diocese, even though he’d issued a directive to treat these cases with “confidentiality.” I guess confidentiality includes not telling your boss something smells under the woodwork. Right now, Irish bookmakers have sliced the odds against his early retirement.

Now, the rather conservative Cardinal Schönborn has suggested that in light of these scandals, perhaps it’s time to examine the celibacy rule. The Vatican says no, nothing to do with it. While I normally hate to agree with the Vatican, it’s undoubtedly true that priests aren’t abusing children because they can’t get any in a normal fashion. A molester is a predator who tries to get into a position of trust and power IN ORDER to abuse it. There are probably as many abusers outside the Church as in–it’s the hypocrisy of the ones inside of it that makes this such a scandal.

However, the Cardinal is right in a more roundabout way. Right now, no one with normal sexual urges wants to become a priest. That cuts out a big swath of your non-insane employment pool. The eastern churches have married priests, the Roman church only adopted celibacy as a requirement in their holier-than-thou Middle Ages. And they knocked that requirement off for eastern and Anglican churches that re-established communion with Rome.

But if it does happen, it ain’t gonna happen soon. And I don’t think that Joe Ratzinger will resign either–if he weathered the Hitler Youth problem, the scandal has gotta get closer to home than a bunch of maybes.

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