Slut Walks and Mass Arrests–Who Do You Have To (BLANK) To Get Some News Coverage In Here?

It seems a corner has been turned in the 2 week old protest “Occupy Wall Street”–the media has actually discovered that it has been taking place. No, I take that back–the news media has been aware for some time–it’s just that they haven’t said anything about it. After all, it’s not like they were wearing tricorn hats to advertise an anachronistic mindset paid for by the Koch Brothers?

However, this change is due to two events–the eminently nightly-news worthy march titles, “The Slut Walk”–ahhhh, nothing like sluts walking to titillate the cockles of the anchorperson’s heart–and the mass arrest of 700 protestors on the Brooklyn Bridge. Captain Jack McCarthy and Officer Joe Bolton were on hand to explain:

“It was for the kids you know. Them poor children shivering in the park with nary a TV camera on them, except for the iPads and cell phones they brought themselves. We thought a few days ago when we peppersprayed a few and arrested a few others for resisting arrest, the news would finally take notice, but we gave up when we’d arrested 80 and no throngs of reporters descended.”

“So we thought–what if we trick a few of them into stepping off the walkway into the road on the Brooklyn Bridge and arrested them for obstructing traffic? That might do the trick. So we had Officer Joe stand at the entrance of the Bridge with a sandwich board and light stick directing people who didn’t want to be arrested to stay on the walkway, and those who didn’t mind it to walk down the vehicular path to the paddywagons. And sure ’tis, we thought we have 400 of them, but by the time we got them all processed, 700 had been miraculously arrested. That got a little bit of front page–but we suspect nothing more will be noticed until there’s another slut walk.”

I’d like to thank the NYPD for their generosity and altruism in helping to obtain some media exposure. But it isn’t going to help. Last I heard, Wall Street officials were making plans for over-the-street walkways and heliports to ensure that the gods of finance never come in contact with the people who actually earn the money they manipulate. Except of course the help. As one broker explained, “Oh, dear, the noise … and the PEOPLE!”

This is Greg Uchrin for IRONY NEWS signing off for now.

This just in (well, I just noticed anyway) JPMorgan Chase recently donated an unprecedented $4.6 million to the New York City Police Foundation. The gift was the largest in the history of the foundation and will enable the New York City Police Department to strengthen security in the Big Apple. Quelle Surprise!

The Bada-Bing Health Plan–an insurance you can’t refuse…

Hey, did you hear the one about the four-month old baby whose parents’ health insurance dropped him from coverage because they said he was obese? No, seriously, there’s no punch line. Rocky Mountain Health Plans denied coverage to Kelli and Bernie Lange’s baby Alex because–as their insurance broker put it, “Your baby is too fat.” Wow, I bet they thought he was heart attack material! Breaking the scales at 17 pounds, this youngster was obviously a poor insurance risk! Well, after a burst of negative publicity, Rocky Mountain reviewed the case and conceded that Alex might be healthy after all. But if nobody’d raised a stink–you can bet they’d’ve stuck to their guns and saved a buck on this crawling train wreck waiting to happen.
Meanwhile, the health care lobby released a study that they commissioned that showed–surprise surprise–that if health care reform is passed, current insurance subscriber premiums will rise. Democrats are thunderstruck–every study they’ve done has shown that, according to the laws of economics, premiums should go down because of this legislation. Ahhhh, but the Democrats are forgetting one thing–crooks don’t obey laws! Rather than taking the study seriously as an honest study, the White House should take it seriously for what it REALLY is–a threat. You pass reform and we’ll raise premiums. We’ve got a cherry-picked study that justifies it.
Let’s drop the pretense–health insurance companies used to be just parasites–but they had ambition and through hard work have advanced all the way to thug! Never mind that the current legislation REQUIRES everyone to buy insurance–holding open the public option only for people who can’t get the high-priced spread–it’s “an offer you can’t refuse.” No, really, you can’t refuse it or you’ll be fined for not having insurance. True, the mob won’t be able to drop your coverage based on shady “pre-existing conditions”, but there’ll be so many more healthy people paying them premiums, that if they’re making money by the truckload now, they’ll be getting a whole fleet of trucks courtesy of Uncle Sugar. So why the threat? So they can raise the premiums and make money by the trainload. Tony Soprano would be impressed.
You hear a lot about “taking back the country,” from the right wing. I agree we need to take it back, but not from Obama, not from the Democrats. We need to take it back from the bankers, the credit card companies, the insurers whose greed is creating a virtual serfdom for the people of the United States. And holding us hostage to prevent any real reform of the system. We need to tar and feather these felons and con men and ride them out of town on a rail…and impound their off-shore bank accounts. They haven’t learned to play nice–it’s time we stopped playing nice with them.

GM CEO, Rick Wagoner, gets Das Boot

We are still pretty much under-the-weather here, so we are still taking it easy on ourselves in the art department–so says the man with a staff of one, himself…can you even call that a staff? Dammit, I need a graduate assistant. I’m really wanting to do Madonna since I haven’t done a religious painting in a while–but I know it’s something I’m going to need a lot more intestinal fortitude to accomplish, and I’m tired of Tim Geithner, but let’s face it, the economy IS the story of the moment–and the last moment–and the foreseeable moments to come, when suddenly I get a lifeline and Barack-baby tells GM CEO, Rick Wagoner, he’ll only bailout General Motors if Rick quits, and guess what? Rick Does.
Now that’s an incredibly unselfish move on the part of a CEO, actually putting his money where his mouth is to save the company. Granted, Rick has been paid a great salary considering he’s been helming a company that’s been hemorrhaging cash for some time…but nowhere NEAR the amount our banker bandits have been paid. On the other hand, GM’s losses, while substantial, have not been in the trillion dollar range and threatening to nuke the world economy when they hit ground zero. But you have to ask, like Detroit-area Congressman Thaddeus McCotter, if there isn’t a double standard being applied here. I mean, have any bank CEOs or Board Chairmen been asked to take a long walk off a short pier? Surely, the masters of the universe over there have been responsible for WAY more problems than the automobile industry–which actually provides real employment to a significant portion of the American people instead of parasitically creating more and more phony wealth to divide further the haves and have-nots. And speaking about employment–why did the autoworkers have to re-negotiate THEIR contracts when the banking contracts were held so sacrosanct that we had to pay millions of dollars to a bunch of high-class grifters while being told that it was impossible to do anything about them because contracts are sacred. Weren’t the autoworkers contracts sacred?
According to Peter Morici, U of MD economist (as reported by CNBC), “…the administration has a “PR problem” regarding unpopular corporate bailouts. “They are bailing out just about anybody that shows up and says they need cash. The public has grown weary of it and instead of throwing a banker to the wolves they have decided to throw Wagoner to the wolves,” Morici said.
Maybe it’s the idea that ANYONE can run a car company, but only people with knowledge of the arcane swindles the banks practiced can extricate them from the rubble of their own making. I got news for you–if they got caught under the rubble, they didn’t understand them either. Let’s see what happens when you recruit some A-students instead of these high-rolling crapshooters. Hey, administration. How about throwing the wolves a banker–I’m sure they could use a little watercress salad.
P.S. Yes *sigh*–I know “das boot” means “the boat” in German. I was trying to make a joke–but i guess it was a pretty *lame* joke for someone getting “the boot”. Next time, I’ll *float* one that doesn’t “sink” so bad (or should that be stink?).
(Wash Post) GM Chief to Resign at White House’s Behest
(NY Times) U.S. Moves to Overhaul Ailing Carmakers
(Huff Post) Rick Wagoner, GM CEO, Will Step Down At Obama’s Behest
(CNBC) GM CEO Forced Out as US Readies Autos Aid

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Cartoons and text by Greg Uchrin (aka Gregorius alexandrinus), with the able assistance of Fred and Bert Squirrel, with special appearances by George Dymme. Published once a week on Mondays.

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