Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Benghazi!–IRS!–He Bowed to Someone!–His Tie is Crooked!–Scandal! Scandal!

Scandal! Scandal!

O, my stars! I'm fixin' to have the vapors!

Do I really need to go into this? I think my cartoon expresses the ho-hum attitude the American people have for the incessant attempts to find some kind of scandal on a President who, as far as we know, has never even THOUGHT about getting a blowjob from an intern. These scandals like Benghazi never stick not because Barack Obama is made of teflon (like Ronald Reagan) but because despite something BAD happening, there has been no wrong-doing.

About the IRS singling out the Patriot and Tea Party groups for investigation–well, I have one thing to say–wouldn’t YOU take a good look at groups whose extreme members claim that the income tax is illegal and unconstitutional? It has nothing to do with Democratic/Republican politics, but it does have a lot to do with the politics of “No Taxation” which these groups tend to espouse. I’ll bet that Fox News wouldn’t look twice at singling out–oh, I don’t know, say, groups with names in ARABIC–but racial profiling is part of their thing.

None of these lances the fright-wing has thrust have made the slightest dent in Sir Barack’s armor — or honor. There ARE scandals (I am indebted to an article that I can’t find right now for this) that should have–the secret drone war, the killing of American citizens without due process–but these will never be blown up into proportion by Fox News because it LIKES those kinds of things. So instead, the Republican elephants are trumpeting over mice. ‘Nuff said.

I want to remind everyone that I will be at AnimeNext in Somerset, NJ the weekend of June 7-9 and Anime Mid-Atlantic in Chesapeake VA, June 14-16. I will be in Artist Alley in both and also giving panels on inking and planning your manga at Anime Mid-Atlantic. Please come and say hello!

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The “Obstacle Course” to Citizenship

The 'Former Wetback' Card

Illegal immigrants are certain to love the new obstacle course to citizenship.

We interviewed Senator Hogsweat from the Committee for Immigration Reform, the so-called Gang of Eight”, on the proposed “path to citizenship” for undocumented immigrants. “Well, first off, we prefer to call them illegal aliens. All this PC crap about them being simply undocumented isn’t what reform is about. Now I wanted to call them wetbacks, because that’s what they are, but it got voted down.

“You see, we don’t want even the whiff of amnesty about this program, nosireebob! So right away, starting from when they got her and having them apply for citizenship based on the number of years they’d been here illegally–even if they’d paid taxes–was nixed. Likewise, starting from zero based on when they registered for the new program and then following the normal five-year path to citizenship any Canadian would have to follow.

“Nope, these suckers have to be punished for wanting our American jobs and our American dream. So we figure, fine them, make them pay back taxes, make them wait 10 more years for a green card and then 3 MORE years to apply for a citizenship. Some of us wanted to add wearing arm bands that said “Beaner”, but we were told that a BLUE card would be sufficient. So we made dang sure it read, “Former Wetback”, so when you get to your Home Depot to find someone, make sure they have the blue card!

“Oh, and they must negotiate a physical obstacle course as well–gotta make sure they are actually capable of working! A few tires, jump over a burning ditch, climb a rope covered with slime, hand over hand across a rattlesnake pit, crawl under live ammo fire… A little humiliation is a good thing for these sp– errr Hispanics, dontcha think?

“This is all contingent, of course, on setting up a barb wire fence, ditch, hill, 20 foot wide wall and second barb wire fence along the whole Southern border, marked with signs saying “Keepo Outo!”

In other news, the fright wing is still trying to make a brouhaha out of Benghazi, threatening to snarl the government with another useless impeachment quest if they aren’t given their way.

And in FURTHER news, this cartoonist will be appearing at two conventions in June–Anime Next in Somerset, NJ, June 7-9, and Anime MidAtlantic in Chesapeake, VA, June 14-16. I’ll be in Artist Alley in both and will also be giving talks on manga-writing and cartoon inking at AMA. Please stop by if you’re at either convention!

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Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi–Wait, Is Anyone Listening?

With all due respect, Senator, while the sun isn't shining over there, that is a hole in the ground your head is in...

Senator Johnson doesn't know his what from a hole in the ground?

Benghazi. We got caught with our pants down and four Americans were killed. Why? We didn’t know when it happened–except that we didn’t have enough security after Congress voted down the State Department request for more funds for security. Now everyone agrees it was al-Qaeda.

But the grandstanding goes on. First, the Republican Party, also known as Fox News, tried and tried and tried again to embarrass President Obama with it during the election. Why didn’t he know it was an orchestrated terrorist attack five minutes after it occurred? After all, the Bush Administration knew who committed the 9/11 attacks–they had all these memos they’d been ignoring since Georgie was in office. Evidently, they’ve never heard of the word “investigation” before. When you don’t know what happened, you have to spend a little time trying to find out what did. You don’t, say, blame it on Saddam Hussein when he had nothing to do with it, do you?

Well, that didn’t get any traction because nobody thought Mitt Romney would have any more of a clue (and probably less). But that hasn’t stopped the grandstanding. It rolled off Obama’s back, let’s see if we can land it on Hillary.

Ahhh, Hillary Clinton, don’t mess with her boys–she takes no prisoners. Her testimony delayed by a concussion and blood clot near the brain–which the noise machine tried to get people to believe was faked–she testified last week and wiped the floor with Senators Johnson and McCain. Poor Ron Johnson, not only was he smacked down by Hillary, but he tried to call her emotional response faked and got smacked down by Soledad O’Brien! McCain used his five minutes of “questioning” to be the querolous old man he’s become. Hillary smacked him down by smacking down Congress for NOT providing the security funds that were needed, effectively tossing the hot potato back at him.

That’s Republican obstructionism in a nutshell–prevent the Obama administration from doing something that needs getting done. Then, when the consequences of not getting it done come home to roost–blame it on Obama.

The right has gotten one win out of this–they forced the withdrawal of Susan Rice from consideration as the new Secretary of State so that John Kerry could be persuaded to withdraw from his seat in the Senate, a strategically bad move for the Democrats.

But what gets me in all this is that the one word the media uses consistently to describe Hillary Clinton is “polarizing”. A poll recently put her favorable rating at 65% and unfavorable rating at 29%–very close to the same percentage of people who consistently supported George Bush. In other words, Republicans. Republicans hate Hillary. Republicans hate Obama. The media intones that Obama is the most polarizing President in U.S. history. Why doesn’t the media get a clue? It’s the Republican party that is the polarizing element in America because they hate anyone who isn’t one of them. And these so-called patriots are going to cause the country they claim to love to crash and burn.

And what will they do? Blame it on somebody else.

Like usual.

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You Have To Hit These Semantic Points JUST Right!

Barack Obama prepares to smack down Mitt Romney with a giant debate point/mallet

Where'd he get that mallet from?

Well, Barry was on point the other night. He not only went toe to toe with Mitt, but he managed to call one of his remarks “offensive” and look at one point like he was going to slap Willard silly. Americans are ALWAYS impressed by that kind of stuff. He got in the point about the 47% Romney doesn’t care about at the very END of the debate when Romney couldn’t make a comeback, AND he scored the rhetorical point of the evening.

Now, all the critics have pointed out that Obama’s score was a semantic point. Yes, Willard was right that it took us two weeks to determine if the Benghazi incident was a terrorist plot and this was because we got caught with our pants down. With all the cost-cutting, we didn’t have the security in an area where our diplomats were well-liked. Or the intelligence. And President Obama DID call the incident an “act of terrorism” while speaking in broad generalities in the Rose Garden the next day.

But let’s look at this a bit closer. What was Mitt comparing it to? Well, the most likely event that he was comparing it to was that horrible incident some 11 years ago when a bunch of terrorists flew some airplanes into some really big office buildings–that’s right, “9-11”. And we knew then, moments after it occurred, that not only was it an act of terrorism, but we knew WHO was responsible. And why did we know this?

Because Bush and Company had been asleep at the wheel. Intelligence had been advising them since day one of the administration that al-Qaeda and Bin Laden were planning something big, something within the borders of the United States, something that involved stealing jet planes, and the official response was, “Yeah, yeah, you covered your ass–now let’s get on to more important stuff like cutting taxes.”

How many times has something rotten happened that you snapped your fingers and said, “Man, I KNEW THAT was going to happen.” And why did you know? Because you’d screwed up and not taken it into account. So sometimes, speed in declaring something a terrorist act is NOT a very good thing–like when it’s an an indication of stupid complacency. So I’m more than willing to let Barry score on this one. Mitt deserved the mallet from Hammerspace.

What is Hammerspace? Glad you asked–it is the critical name for that extra-dimensional portal out of which a cartoon character grabs a giant mallet to smack down his opponent. I think we can thank Tex Avery for the discovery of the portal as a cartoon device, usually accompanied by a boi-oi-oing sound effect as the mallet strikes and loud music from Carl Stallings, but the name for it is much more recent and too obscure for the wiki to say who first used the term. Anyway, Mitt, welcome to Hammerspace–when you walk into one, you deserve it.

Now let’s see what happens in the next one.

And another sad event. Our condolences to the family of George McGovern, another lion who acted on what he stood for. The last generation of politicians who weren’t all completely beholden to financial interests is fast fading into memory.

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