I guess we’re lucky Eric Massa didn’t try to tickle Rahm Emanuel

Poor Glenn Beck! He was sure he was onto the key to the downfall of Obama’s socialist fascism. Rush Limbaugh told him not to do it. Bill O’Reilly told him not to do it. Michelle Malkin told him not to do it. But…he did it. He booked Eric Massa.

Eric Massa had been loudly proclaiming that he was being forced out of office because he was the key vote for dooming health care. Salivate, Glenn, Salivate! What did they do to you? What kind of pressure did they put on you? Well, I have non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. NEVER MIND THAT–the WHITE House–what did they do? OK, there were these sexual harassment allegations. AH-HAH! And those weren’t true at all? Well, of course, I groped a few people. Guy people. I mean, who doesn’t when you’ve had a few?

Ummmmm…

And then there were the tickle fights. Nothing sexual at all there. How can you say that’s sexual harassment?

Ummmmm…

I’ve been fighting these charges all my life. What we need to do is campaign reform! Stop calling each other names like socialist, fascist! You can be a progressive and a fiscal conservative at the same time! What we don’t need are these teabaggers pretending the deficit didn’t happen until Barack Obama took office.

Ummmmm…

Don’t worry Glenn, you didn’t waste our time. THAT night. Now try not wasting it every OTHER night!

Palin’s Pick, Preferred by Pawlenty, in Potsdam and Plattsburgh, got Plainly and Powerfully Pwned

This is going to grab me no readers–after all, the results of this past Tuesday’s election are already wrapping yesterday’s fish. Which is odd, considering the runup which made it seem like it was the most important election after the last election (as Jon Stewart noted). Yesterday we had 24 hours of “Was this a referendum on Obama?” or “Was it just local politics?” Myself, I think it was a little bit of the former and a LOT of the latter. But That is NUANCE. And Cable TV News doesn’t do nuance. Leaving aside Faux News as a propaganda machine, the other two 25/8 news networks wouldn’t know nuance if it grabbed a mallet from hammerspace and hit them over the head. I mean, when Wolf Blitzer accidentally got a confession from Balloon Boy, someone had to whisper it in his earpiece before he even noticed what he’d tripped over. And over on MSNBC, Chris Matthews’ idea of a debate resembles more a college wrestling match than any intellectual exchange–2 out of 3 throws. But I shouldn’t take them to task–even the newspapers don’t do nuance any more–and they wonder why they’re being run out of business by the Internets.
Anyhow, to return to Tuesday’s election, pretty much everything happened the way it could really be expected–no matter how much anyone hoped otherwise. But the fun race of the day was Congressional District 23 of New York. District 23 has gone Republican for the last 2000 years, and this year it promised no difference. IF it hadn’t been for the teabaggers who decided that the Republican candidate, Dierdre Scozzafava, was a closet lefty, planning to bring socialism down on the heads of her constituents. After all, she supported abortion rights and gay marriage, the next thing you know, she would be demanding the re-distribution of wealth. So they sent in their ringer, Doug Hoffman. Hoffman, who had to be told where the 23rd District was, had no idea what its issues might be–he was being sent in to defend the country from Kenyan aliens masquerading as Hawaiians. Soon Sarah Palin descended upon the 23rd District, tho’ invited by none. Along with Tim Pawlenty, governor of Minnesota, they supported the hell out of Dougie.
Now you know the deer in the headlights look. Imagine that deer suddenly noticing a 16-wheeler coming hellbent down the highway at 85 mph and you’ll have a good idea of how Doug Hoffman started to look. I mean seriously, I’ve never seen a candidate with a more shell-shocked expression on his face–if he opened his eyes any wider, they would have exploded from the pressure differential. Because of or in spite of Sarah’s help, he started taking Scozzafava’s voter base and Scozzafava dropped out–instructing her supporters to vote for the DEMOCRAT, Bill Owens, who was at least playing fair. Despite that clue, Limbaugh, O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, and the rest, all fell over themselves predicting a landslide for the carpetbagger. The entire MSM called it the most important race of all time because it would show how much support Obama had lost and how important the teabaggers had become.
Then Dougie lost. The 23rd went Democrat for the first time in two millenia and … everyone switched gears and started discussing NJ and VA and THAT became the referendum on Obama. And by Monday, no one will even remember if we had the most important off-off year election of the century last Tuesday.
Have a good weekend folks

Which way is the wind blowing today, Mr. President?

Well, the anti-Obama mobs have continued disrupting the town meetings that the Republicans demanded so they could break them up with anti-Obama mobs. These guys are getting scary. One yahoo brought a loaded gun to a townhall meeting where the President of the United States was speaking, just in case he had the chance to shoot someone (see Armed and Dangerous?). He was carrying a sign reading, “It’s time to water the Tree of Liberty”–making a reference to a Jefferson quotation that continues, “with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” The police did not arrest him. He was on private property and the weapon wasn’t concealed so–he was breaking no laws. I guess there’s no law against an implied threat to the President in New Hampshire. I mean, come on, would you ever carry a loaded gun anywhere unless you think you might have to use it, right? Oh, heck, I might need to shoot a lock open next to the President of the United States, whom I think is really a Kenyan usurper, and a secret Moslem who wants to turn us into Socialists! Yes, I agree, that the idiot has the right to say whatever comes into his pointy little head, but the combination of advocating spilling the blood of tyrants while standing in a group of angry protestors WHILE carrying a loaded gun shows the sorry state of political discourse going on today. Some people (not mentioning any names, Republican party) seem to think that it’s OK to drown out someone trying to speak by shouting–probably because they see Bill O’Reilly do it on a nightly basis. Didn’t their mothers ever teach them how to be polite?
But their message is getting through to the Great Compromiser, who sent up a trial balloon to see if he could get away without a public option in the ever-dwindling Health Care Reform. This time, it was Kathy Sebelius who was chosen to take the bullet. The reaction from the left very pointedly showed that without the public option, the Democratic party can expect its progressive wing to sit on its hands come November 2010–and possibly 2012 as well. After all, without the public option, we might as well pass a bill apologizing to the Health Insurance conglomerates for needlessly worrying them about real reform. It’s truly amazing how many times someone in this Administration–which spends so much care crafting its messages–how many times someone “misspeaks”. BTW that has got to be the god-damnedest word in the English language, covering everything from Freudian slips to trial balloons to outright lies, trying to make it sound like missing the step on a short flight of stairs. I think it’s high time we replaced that term.
Anyway, Kathy Sebelius has officially misspoke and President Obama has re-iterated his support of the public option. But don’t try to get end-of-life counseling–that’s already in the crapper.

Did he really think that this would make God happy?

 

One day, Jesus walked into the temple and saw its courtyard teeming with moneychangers, moneylenders and other parasites. So he picked up a cord and knotted it and began whipping their collective asses until they skedaddled and said, “My house is a house of prayer but you have made it a den of thieves.” Jesus was pissed off. And that was just from people doing straightforward, legitimate business–it was just that it was the wrong place to be doing straightforward legitimate business. So now we have this fanatic who decides, oh, it will make God really happy if I kill someone right in a church. Please note, I’m not saying what the issue is here, because the issue doesn’t really matter and just gets in the way. You don’t kill someone who you disagree with because it’s wrong and you don’t kill them in a church. That’s called sacrilege.
A lot of news sources have been muddying the issue by calling the murder of Dr. George Tiller an execution. You execute someone for doing something BAD. Whether you’re the government executing a killer or a mobster killing a doublecrosser. But when you pull out a gun and shoot someone unsuspecting in the middle of Sunday services, you’re not “executing” anyone. To call this an execution legitimizes the murderer’s point of view. Let’s call a spade a spade: You’re assassinating him. You’re performing an act of terrorism. You’re saying, this doctor performed abortions, this is a warning to all other doctors that this will happen to you also if you perform abortions. You’re saying that you have the right to decide who lives and dies, the very same thing you have accused the man you killed of.
There are many, like Bill O’Reilly (O’Reilly’s campaign against murdered doctor) who called Tiller a “nazi”, “baby killer”, nicknamed him “Tiller the baby killer” who are now going to turn around and condemn the schmuck who pulled the trigger without considering that it was their rhetoric that loaded the gun. Or Randall Terry, who seems more upset with the fact that President Obama decried a CRIME than about the fact that a crime had been committed. Self-righteously intoning that he is sorry that the victim didn’t have time to repent. How is that any different from supporting terrorism? If the killer had been a member of al-Qaeda, I’m sure he would have no problem condemning the action. And that’s what I’m saying, don’t approve of something your friend does that you would condemn if your enemy did it. After all, aren’t you supposed to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?”
No, this isn’t a very funny cartoon today.

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ABOUT MEH

Cartoons and text by Greg Uchrin (aka Gregorius alexandrinus), with the able assistance of Fred and Bert Squirrel, with special appearances by George Dymme. Published once a week on Mondays.

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