Here a Mosque, There a Mosque, Everywhere a Mosque Mosque

So a moderate Moslem cleric wants to build a mosque and Islamic center. Where? Two blocks from “Ground Zero.” Why? Was this meant as some sort of insult to the victims of 9-11? No, he got a good deal on the property. He’ll be happy to build it someplace else, if a deal can be made.

The problem is that this has given all the yahoos something to scream about in a month when people should be hiding from the heat. Once again, it has become obvious that the so-called “War on Terror” was understood by all and sundry as some 21st century Crusade redux. Our enemy wasn’t al-Qaeda, the guys who actually carried out the deed, but all of Islam, which is why we attacked Afghanistan, letting al-Qaeda move a couple of miles into Pakistan, and then attacked Iraq, which had nothing to do with anything except we didn’t like Saddam Hussein’s moustache. And we’re still in both places, with Americans fronting the bill for two quagmires that have done nothing but drain our economy and are as much a reason for the Great Recession as the thieving banks were.

The banks aren’t terrorists. Unless you’ve gotten behind in your mortgage payments, or haven’t opted into overdraft insurance, at which point, you can’t answer your phone in the daylight hours without being attacked by some customer service rep. But all of Islam is, because we are bound and determined to hold a billion people guilty for the work of a handful of crazies. Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin, those paragons of bravery while someone else does the fighting, have been leading the charge. No Mosques at Ground Zero.

Our fearless leader, of course, has taken a principled stance. Anyone has the constitutional right to build anything anywhere in the United States–he said at a Ramadan dinner with an Islamic group. Then when he heard the howls from the hinterlands–you know, the people who were convinced that Saddam Hussein was going to nuke their local mall on 9-12–President Obama turned around and said he didn’t necessarily think it was a good idea. Despite Fox News having said he’d done the right thing and defended the Constitution. I guess if Fox News says you did something right, it’s best to assume you pulled the biggest boner in creation.

Well, I happen to believe both statements are right, but, for crying out loud, Barry, can’t you take a stance on anything that doesn’t have a picket fence poking a hole in your ass? I mean, you could’ve said both things at the same time, but no, first you had to play to one audience and then turn around and play to the opinion polls. Leaders lead, they aren’t lead. Not everything has a golden mean of compromise to be found.

I swear, one day, I’m gonna wake up to read the headline that Barry brokered a deal between God and Satan where Satan accepted a 50% cap on souls he reaped. With a proviso that the terms will not take effect until after 2016.

Sex Scandals–The ONLY Truly Bipartisan Game in Town!

It’s been a GOOD couple of weeks for adultery! We’ve had so many sex scandals and continuing stories of past sex scandals, it’s hard to keep track of them! Time was, you could depend on Democrats for sex scandals and Republicans for money ones–not anymore! We’ve gone bipartisan with both
Ignoring Newt Gingrich’s epic fails at honoring porn and strip club owners with awards for their all-American entrepeneurship because those were not really sex scandals, just clueless jokes (Newt’s own adulterous indiscretions are in the past … probably), let’s see what’s on our plate. We’ve had Elizabeth Edwards possibly divorcing former Presidential candidate husband John because she didn’t think he was in love with his paramour, he was just a randy sonuvabitch. Come on, Elizabeth, he promised Rielle a rooftop wedding with the Dave Matthews band…after you DIED. Surely that was love–or bad taste. Jenny Sanford has signed to write a book about her life with Mark, he of the Argentinian tango on South Carolina funds! I’m sure we’ll find out more about the “family values” of the governor who skipped out on his kids Boy Scout outing for a tryst in Buenos Aires!
And it hasn’t been limited to politicians. Roman Polanski finally got nailed for the sexual assault charge he pleaded guilty to and then skipped out on when it looked like the judge was going to sentence him to more than a slap on the wrist. As Whoopi Goldberg said, “That was only child rape, not rape rape. That 13 year old knew what what she was doing.” After a few glasses of champagne. What a little slut, eh, Whoopie? And now David Letterman does a monologue about boffing some female members of his staff to forestall anyone ELSE from getting the idea of blackmailing him for it. Oh, I meant to forestall his fans from finding out, not in the tabloids, but in REAL NEWSPAPERS! Or TMZ, whichever comes first.
Which brings me to my final bit of tawdriness. Back in the good old days, when a man discovered his wife was doing the hot mambo behind his back, why he’d pick up his brace of pistols and challenge the guy to a duel. Or ambush him in the dark. Or ambush THEM in the dark. Or just shoot him in the most public place possible, preferably in the most embarassing place possible. And in Arizona, he can still do it in a saloon! But the one that takes the cake is the Senator Ensign “affair.” Seems while John was boffing Cindy Hampton, her husband didn’t smack the Nevada senator in the chops, but decided it was a golden opportunity to rake in a little of his own. After John had paid Cindy “severance” pay on the order of $96,000, he helped hubby Doug to get two jobs. But that wasn’t enough for Doug, you betcha, as he allegedly tried to blackmail John and the Republican National Committee into even more hush money. I think Doug showed the true spirit of American entrepeneurship. Hey Newt! I think we have a new candidate for your award! CHA-CHING!

The Tentacles of the Health Insurance Companies OF DOOM!

SEE Insurance Claims denied over and over! SEE sudden illnesses classed as pre-existing conditions! SEE anything but blood tests become experimental procedures! FEEL THE TENTACLES SURROUND YOU! WATCH IN HORROR as the Health Insurance Executives fly in private jets! BE AMAZED at the profits of Pharma Companies in a Recession! GASP as you find out your NEW COPAYMENT! SEE Hospitals Squeezed, Doctors Squeezed, Your WALLET SQUEEZED ever tighter and tighter until you are forced to scream, “WE HAVE THE BEST DAMN MEDICAL SYSTEM IN THE WORLD! USA! USA! USA!” and sneer at Canadians and Europeans who are forced to pay less for better care! COMING to an open season near you. In 3D and SPECTRE-SCOPE!
THE HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES OF DOOM!
Hey, everything sounds better with “Of Doom” somewheres in it.
Research Firm Cited by GOP Is Owned by Health Insurer The Non-Partisan Lewin Group is actually owned by the UnitedHealth Group–hey, it’s neither Republican nor Democrat LOL
Bachmann, Kline oppose public option because it’s ‘cheaper’ How can you tell if you’re getting good health care unless you pay through your nose?
Obama Has Met At Least 27 Times With Private Health Care Industry Executives Hey Obama, you don’t have to make THEM happy–WE are your clients!
Newt Gingrich: We Need To Kill Health Care Reform Newt agrees with Bill Kristol–The Man Who Knew Too Little!
Not only will not all Americans be covered, but the insurance parasites will be left in control–oooooo your finger just got cut off–here–have a bandaid! Now lie back and enjoy the tentacles!

Two Little Maids From School Are We…

For those of you not into Japanese comics, a chibi is a diminutive character that usually performs the role of the “cute, annoying sidekick”. It actually means “small child” and adult characters can morph into their “chibi” forms when they are behaving stupid and childishly, bouncing up and down like a two-year old on tear in a temper tantrum.
Well, it seems that old Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck (whom I didn’t draw) have looked at the glass and called Sonia Sotomayer, Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, a racist–not noticing that this particular piece of glass was a mirror not a window. Her offense? Suggesting that someone of her background might have a broader range of knowledge and experience than a white guy. From Susan Crile in the Huffington Post comes the actual quote: As evidence, media figures like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Mark Levin, have pointed to a speech Sotomayor gave at the University of California, Berkeley, School of Law in 1992. During the speech, she said, “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.” Oh gee, maybe a little self-congratulatory, but racist? Well we all know the strategy from the Karl Rove playbook, “Thou shalt accuse thy opponents of thine own fault before they accuse thee!” By doing this, you make your opponent seem childish and unoriginal if they turn the accusation back on you…i.e., “You’re a racist.” “No, YOU’RE a racist.” “No, YOU’RE the racist…” etc. etc. You get the picture. Pundits like Gingrich, Limbaugh and Beck are trying to appeal to the basest of their base–not the intelligent, informed conservative, but the xenophobic nuts who have hijacked de facto control of the Republican Party. Whatever happened to the party that could boast liberals like Nelson Rockefeller–yes, at one time, it was possible to use liberal and Republican in the same sentence and within living memory too! Better start kissing the Hispanic vote goodbye, guys, you can have your wish of being the “whitest of whites” party. Pass the Clorox, please.

ABOUT MEH

Cartoons and text by Greg Uchrin (aka Gregorius alexandrinus), with the able assistance of Fred and Bert Squirrel, with special appearances by George Dymme. Published once a week on Mondays.

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