Sex Scandals–The ONLY Truly Bipartisan Game in Town!

A staffer confesses to her (multiple choice to cover all possibilities) affair with her boss, senator, congressman, TV show host, etc.. Her husband's thought? How do I get a piece of this?

You've Got BLACKMAIL!

It’s been a GOOD couple of weeks for adultery! We’ve had so many sex scandals and continuing stories of past sex scandals, it’s hard to keep track of them! Time was, you could depend on Democrats for sex scandals and Republicans for money ones–not anymore! We’ve gone bipartisan with both

Ignoring Newt Gingrich’s epic fails at honoring porn and strip club owners with awards for their all-American entrepeneurship because those were not really sex scandals, just clueless jokes (Newt’s own adulterous indiscretions are in the past … probably), let’s see what’s on our plate. We’ve had Elizabeth Edwards possibly divorcing former Presidential candidate husband John because she didn’t think he was in love with his paramour, he was just a randy sonuvabitch. Come on, Elizabeth, he promised Rielle a rooftop wedding with the Dave Matthews band…after you DIED. Surely that was love–or bad taste. Jenny Sanford has signed to write a book about her life with Mark, he of the Argentinian tango on South Carolina funds! I’m sure we’ll find out more about the “family values” of the governor who skipped out on his kids Boy Scout outing for a tryst in Buenos Aires!
And it hasn’t been limited to politicians. Roman Polanski finally got nailed for the sexual assault charge he pleaded guilty to and then skipped out on when it looked like the judge was going to sentence him to more than a slap on the wrist. As Whoopi Goldberg said, “That was only child rape, not rape rape. That 13 year old knew what what she was doing.” After a few glasses of champagne. What a little slut, eh, Whoopie? And now David Letterman does a monologue about boffing some female members of his staff to forestall anyone ELSE from getting the idea of blackmailing him for it. Oh, I meant to forestall his fans from finding out, not in the tabloids, but in REAL NEWSPAPERS! Or TMZ, whichever comes first.
Which brings me to my final bit of tawdriness. Back in the good old days, when a man discovered his wife was doing the hot mambo behind his back, why he’d pick up his brace of pistols and challenge the guy to a duel. Or ambush him in the dark. Or ambush THEM in the dark. Or just shoot him in the most public place possible, preferably in the most embarassing place possible. And in Arizona, he can still do it in a saloon! But the one that takes the cake is the Senator Ensign “affair.” Seems while John was boffing Cindy Hampton, her husband didn’t smack the Nevada senator in the chops, but decided it was a golden opportunity to rake in a little of his own. After John had paid Cindy “severance” pay on the order of $96,000, he helped hubby Doug to get two jobs. But that wasn’t enough for Doug, you betcha, as he allegedly tried to blackmail John and the Republican National Committee into even more hush money. I think Doug showed the true spirit of American entrepeneurship. Hey Newt! I think we have a new candidate for your award! CHA-CHING!

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The Tentacles of the Health Insurance Companies OF DOOM!

A parody movie poster: a woman being devoured by an octopus with the legend: You'll Never Escape The Health Insurance Companies OF DOOM!

STRANGLING A HEALTH CARE PLAN NEAR YOU!

SEE Insurance Claims denied over and over! SEE sudden illnesses classed as pre-existing conditions! SEE anything but blood tests become experimental procedures! FEEL THE TENTACLES SURROUND YOU! WATCH IN HORROR as the Health Insurance Executives fly in private jets! BE AMAZED at the profits of Pharma Companies in a Recession! GASP as you find out your NEW COPAYMENT! SEE Hospitals Squeezed, Doctors Squeezed, Your WALLET SQUEEZED ever tighter and tighter until you are forced to scream, “WE HAVE THE BEST DAMN MEDICAL SYSTEM IN THE WORLD! USA! USA! USA!” and sneer at Canadians and Europeans who are forced to pay less for better care! COMING to an open season near you. In 3D and SPECTRE-SCOPE!
THE HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES OF DOOM!
Hey, everything sounds better with “Of Doom” somewheres in it.
Research Firm Cited by GOP Is Owned by Health Insurer The Non-Partisan Lewin Group is actually owned by the UnitedHealth Group–hey, it’s neither Republican nor Democrat LOL
Bachmann, Kline oppose public option because it’s ‘cheaper’ How can you tell if you’re getting good health care unless you pay through your nose?
Obama Has Met At Least 27 Times With Private Health Care Industry Executives Hey Obama, you don’t have to make THEM happy–WE are your clients!
Newt Gingrich: We Need To Kill Health Care Reform Newt agrees with Bill Kristol–The Man Who Knew Too Little!
Not only will not all Americans be covered, but the insurance parasites will be left in control–oooooo your finger just got cut off–here–have a bandaid! Now lie back and enjoy the tentacles!

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Two Little Maids From School Are We…

Awwwww, aren't chibis soooooooo cute and idiotic?

For those of you not into Japanese comics, a chibi is a diminutive character that usually performs the role of the “cute, annoying sidekick”. It actually means “small child” and adult characters can morph into their “chibi” forms when they are behaving stupid and childishly, bouncing up and down like a two-year old on tear in a temper tantrum.
Well, it seems that old Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck (whom I didn’t draw) have looked at the glass and called Sonia Sotomayer, Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, a racist–not noticing that this particular piece of glass was a mirror not a window. Her offense? Suggesting that someone of her background might have a broader range of knowledge and experience than a white guy. From Susan Crile in the Huffington Post comes the actual quote: As evidence, media figures like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Mark Levin, have pointed to a speech Sotomayor gave at the University of California, Berkeley, School of Law in 1992. During the speech, she said, “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.” Oh gee, maybe a little self-congratulatory, but racist? Well we all know the strategy from the Karl Rove playbook, “Thou shalt accuse thy opponents of thine own fault before they accuse thee!” By doing this, you make your opponent seem childish and unoriginal if they turn the accusation back on you…i.e., “You’re a racist.” “No, YOU’RE a racist.” “No, YOU’RE the racist…” etc. etc. You get the picture. Pundits like Gingrich, Limbaugh and Beck are trying to appeal to the basest of their base–not the intelligent, informed conservative, but the xenophobic nuts who have hijacked de facto control of the Republican Party. Whatever happened to the party that could boast liberals like Nelson Rockefeller–yes, at one time, it was possible to use liberal and Republican in the same sentence and within living memory too! Better start kissing the Hispanic vote goodbye, guys, you can have your wish of being the “whitest of whites” party. Pass the Clorox, please.

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