Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

SHOCK of the New Year–Bristol and Levi SPLIT UP

Well, mom, you wanted the baby so bad, why don't YOU keep it?

OMG No--Bristol Palin and Eli have broken up!

Well, folks, the unthinkable happened. Bristol Palin and Eli Whitney, ooops, excuse me, Levi Johnston, that fun couple of the 2008 campaign, have broken up. I know you’re all shocked. Why, they seemed made for each other. He was the kind of guy that would knock up his girlfriend and leave. She was the kind of girl who’d get knocked up. Nevertheless, we were assured that the wedding wouldn’t be accompanied by a 21-shotgun salute–possibly because there was a Political Action Committee in charge of providing Levi with financial inducements. But maybe not–it might have been true love–after all, they’d broken up and gone back together a few times before! Perhaps the reason for this unexpected breakup was Levi Johnston’s name. It may have sounded too “ethnic” and he may have “bristoled” at the suggestion that he change it to Trock. (bristled–bristoled, ‘at’sa good one, eh, boss?) We’ve only heard about this in the last week, Bristol is reportedly inconsolable. However, according to Mercede, Trock’s, excuse me, Levi’s sister–now there’s another moniker for you–obviously someone felt they couldn’t name her Mercedes because that was plural–the split happened months ago…possibly as far back as November 5, I’d guess. Now some cynics may feel that this marriage was nothing but a putup to make Sarah Palin look good before the election, but I’m inclined to disagree. I think Sarah wanted her daughter doomed to a few years of constant arguments with a boyfriend she’d been breaking up with on a monthly basis. It would teach her respect for the institution of marriage. Well, I suspect she’s got a whole lot more respect for it now–now that she’s saddled with a brat with no dad to foist it off on when she needs to run outside and scream. Not to worry, I suspect that family of average Joes will soon have a nanny on the payroll. As for Levi, he’s got his new wardrobe, a pocketful of spending money and is probably happy as hell not to have the governor of Alaska for his mother-in-law. Now he can go back to being a good ol’ boy in happy obscurity, without the attentions of the media in his face.

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The Financial Crisis’s Effects on the Rest of Us

As we get hit with the sewage of the financial system

As we get hit with the sewage of the financial system

The Big Dither by Paul Krugman in March 5 NYTimes tells us how the administration keeps trying to foist the cost of the toxic waste of the financial crisis on the taxpayer, essentially rewarding those who created it. Today’s cartoon illustrates that idea in a more straightforward manner.
You see, the problem is that all these financial institutions in trouble have what are known as “troubled assets”. What’s a troubled asset you ask? Why, it’s a loan you wouldn’t have made in the first place if you’d been in your right mind. And we know that everyone in the financial sector was crazy with greed–more than usual that is. It had something to do with not having any playground supervisor. Basically, it meant that they made loans that couldn’t be paid back, either because the risk factor was too great or the loan’s interest ballooned beyond the capacity of the debtor to pay it back. At the time, these loans were considered assets–they were designed to be easily be made, so the assets seemed to be going up and up and up. But like many balloons, they were just hot air. Bernanke at the Fed and Geithner at Treasury are sure that these worthless pieces of paper are really worth something, if only they could get someone stupid enough to buy them, and it they were sold, this would get the idiot banks who made the loans out of trouble. But nobody’s biting. Mainly because that would be throwing money into a deep well and then covering it over. So the plan is to get Uncle Moneybags to prop up the loans, by loaning money to the buyers, loans that would not have to be repaid if the troubled asset defaulted. Which it probably will. Which means that Uncle Moneybags foots the bill for these toxic loans, getting the naughty bankers out of trouble with no permanent ill effects from their bad behavior, the US taxpayer foots the bill and we wind up even further in debt to China.
I have a modest proposal. Let’s offer a deal to Bernie Madoff. He can reduce his time and fines (when and if he’s prosecuted) by selling off these loans. If ANYONE can do it, Bernie can. The only proviso is that he will NOT be allowed to sell them to anyone in the US. We can foot the bill to send him to China.
It’s a better idea than anyone else has come up with :)

The Causes and Effects of the Financial Crisis Illustrated

The Causes and Effects of the Financial Crisis Illustrated

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Michael Steele, You’re Rush’s Bitch Now

Michael Steele plays Rush Limbaugh's pony girl, carrying him in a carriage while a girl asks a tattoo artist if her tattoo can be changed from BUSH to RUSH...

Rush makes Michael Steele do penance for insulting him

UPDATE: March 29, 2010. High flyer: RNC Chairman Steele suggested buying private jet with GOP funds “Once on the ground, FEC filings suggest, Steele travels in style. A February RNC trip to California, for example, included a $9,099 stop at the Beverly Hills Hotel, $6,596 dropped at the nearby Four Seasons, and $1,620.71 spent [update: the amount is actually $1,946.25] at Voyeur West Hollywood, a bondage-themed nightclub featuring topless women dancers imitating lesbian sex.” Hmmm looks like I was onto something back here :)

Please note: I have nothing against people going to bondage clubs. Whatever floats your boat. I just find it ironic when the Chairman of the “family values” party spends nearly $2K at one and gets the “family values” party to foot the bill!

Read more: and check out Jason Linkins at Huffington Post

Read more: content with having forced Phil Gingrey to kiss his bulbous ass, Mr. Republican, aka Rush Limbaugh–who’d rather see the USA go down the tube than allow a black Democratic President to succeed where the GOP failed–has turned upon the head of the Republican Party–newly minted chairman Michael Steele and pounced on a supposed insult to Himself and made the sinning Mr. Steele grovel before Him. I don’t think it matters that Michael Steele is black, Rush would make any anointee grovel–he’s an equal opportunity megalomaniac. Now we know who’s running the show, don’t we? Unfortunately, this does not bode well for the party of Lincoln, but heck, they’d abandoned Lincoln’s principles by the time of Andrew Johnson. I believe that there is a true and major need for a conservative voice in government, but not a party of “dittoheads” shouting at the behest of a self-appointed demagogue. That’s not conservatism–that’s a mob. Perhaps Mr. Limbaugh thinks he should be the real head of the RNC–as President. Oh, well, Canada needs more citizens…
Andy Ostroy has an entertaining piece in the Huffington Post on this The Rush to Kiss Rush’s Ass> I’m amused that he chose to use the Titanic image to depict Rush’s helmsmanship since that was my same thought in January. GMTA ;)

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Rockin’ Robin–tweet tweet tweet, Rockin’ Robin–tweet, twitter-y deet!

Rockin' Robin leads a conga line followed by Uncle Sam and all the senators and congressmen, holding their blackberries high and twittering like mad.

Rockin' Robin makes all of Congress a-Twitter.

He twitters in his office all day long,
Gettin’ all the lobbyists a-singin’ his song,
All the blackberries on old K Street,
Love to hear the congressmen tweet tweet tweet!

Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! tweet! tweet!)
Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! twitter-y deet!)
Oh Rockin’ Robin, you’re tweetin’ on camera tonight!

Every little swallow by every chippee,
Every little bird in old DC,
From Senator Byrd to Mike Crapo
Tweetin’ on their keyboards, go man, go!

Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! tweet! tweet!)
Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! twitter-y deet!)
Oh Rockin’ Robin, be sure not to screw up tonight!

A wordy representative started this romance,
Tweetin’ what he’d have for lunch in advance,
He tweeted his votes and he tweeted his goals,
He tweeted who he thought were just big assholes!

Now he never hears a word from any debates, he’s already tweeted what he loves and he hates,
He twitters at night and he twitters in bed–He twittertwittertwitters when he’s getting some head!

Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! tweet! tweet!), Rockin’ Robin! (tweet!twitter-y deet!)
Oh Rockin’ Robin, you really screwed the pooch up tonight!

With apologies to Bobby Day :)

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