Now she’ll be playing a new role–Miss Martyr 2009

Carrie Prejean lands on her butt after getting the boot from Donald Trump from her position of Miss California.

Former Miss California lands flat on her talent

Ahhhh, Carrie Prejean–you sure know how to keep in the tabloids! Donald Trump finally–oh of course, everyone has said it already–said “You’re Fired!” to the publicity hungry little wench. She’s on the Today Show today, spinning the tale why she “REALLY” got fired. Honey, you didn’t get fired because you said gays shouldn’t get married. There’s a lot of people who agree with you and your Biblically correct opinion. In fact, I’d say Donald Trump also believes marriage should be between one man and one woman…and then another woman…and another woman…and another. Wives have a TERRIBLE shelf life. So I hope (and I’m probably wrong) that you’re not trying to sell that week-old fish story. It wasn’t because you had a naughty picture taken, exposing what caused a national scandal when Janet Jackson had a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of the SuperBowl. Remember that? Michael Powell (Colin’s son) practically declared it an act of terrorism that families should be exposed to such indecency. The CBS network was lucky they weren’t thrown in Gitmo for that!
It wasn’t that you were 17 at the time, and oops, you misspoke about the number of pictures there were. Hey, anyone could mistake one photo for four photos. No, the real reason is that after Donald Trump cut you a break, and another and another, you stopped showing up for official appearances and started making unscheduled appearances on your own, violating the terms of your contract. You were DISSING the DONALD–you were saying, in essence, I’m more important than this little crown thing of yours. Oh, you were sweet enough to his face, but as soon as his back was turned, you started playing Queen of the Universe and doing what you pleased instead of what you’d said you would do. As he explained, “To me she was the sweetest thing. Everyone else — she treated like s**t.” And that’s why you’re just not good enough to represent everything that’s good about California–because you’re such an asshole that calling you a bitch would be a compliment.

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See the USA in your new US Government-owned Chevrolet

The Obama family goes for a ride in their new US government owned General Motors (GM)

Bankruptcy insurance not included

Well, now we own an automobile company that’s worth…MINUS $50 billion. You’d think we could at least buy a company that was MAKING money–you know, like Toyota or Hyundai. Chrysler dealers–the ones who’ve gotten the Bye-Bye letter–are selling off their stock at rock-bottom prices. It’s almost as good as Oprah–you got a car, you got a car, you got a car–a little more expensive but it has the advantage of not having to sit through Oprah to get one. What’s amazing is that Ford ISN’T going bankrupt. I mean, there hasn’t been a good businessman in the Ford family since Henry. Remember Edsel Ford? But Ford’s been through so many bankruptcies and restructurings that they have it nailed. No help needed from the government for THEM.
Keeping with the auto theme, let’s turn to auto-erotic asphyxiation, David Carradine’s death in Bangkok. First the police called it suicide, then they said it might have been an auto-erotic asphyxiation game gone awry. Now I ask you, what was Grasshopper doing practicing auto-erotic asphyxiation in the sex-for-hire capitol of the universe? I mean, this is a place where you could have sex with underage GEESE and find someone who will get it for you for a price. And would you really believe the Bangkok police who have a strong interest in keeping the tourist dollars flowing in one of their most prominent service industries? And do you have any idea how hard it is to tie yourself up? And then hang yourself by the neck and the balls in a closet? From what I understand about auto-erotic asphyxiation (which admittedly isn’t much), you have all these safety features, like easy untie knots for all the important ummm places, and an apparatus to hold them all. You just don’t hang yourself in a broom closet! Something tells me someone else was around…I dunno, just a funny feeling. It may have something to do with the fishnet stockings and red lingerie found in the hotel room. Hmmm I wonder what lesson Grasshopper was learning this time? Of course, THAT could have been an elaborate ruse to disguise the involvement of a secret Kung Fu sect that MAY OR MAY NOT exist, MAY OR MAY NOT have murdered Carradine and was the same sect that MAY OR MAY NOT have murdered Bruce Lee!
I may have done the Carradine case as a cartoon, but it broke when I was in Florida for a family wedding and had to draw cartoons ahead, hopefully hitting something that was still fresh. Congrats to my cousin Gianna, who looked truly movie-star gorgeous in her wedding dress, and her new husband Steve. Shoutouts to Peter and Angela, the parents of the bride, Patricia and George who put us up, Uncle Johnny, Aunt Louise, Aunt Mary and all the cousins who would take too long to name, and my smoking buddies, Lisa, Aaron and Alicia, who all have cards directing them to this site LOL. Flying back on Monday afternoon!

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Yes, Virginia, There IS A Sanity Clause

Suddenly, Dick Cheney says there was no connection between al-Qaeda and Iraq and that he is in favor of gay marriage. Santa Claus come early this year!

I Do Believe in Cheney Claus

Ahh, Dickie Boy. I guess it hasn’t occurred to you yet that nobody frickin’ believes you anymore. On the other hand, I guess you can’t be held to blame because the National Press Club obviously still DOES. Who else but the coprophagic reporters and editors who swallowed your BS for eight years would still pay attention when you offloaded the logs that you delivered the other day? Weren’t you the one who said that there wasn’t any doubt that there was a connection between Saddam Hussein and al-Qaeda? And said it over and over not just during the rush to a war that, oh, gee, you just admitted wasn’t really all that necessary, but for the five remaining years of your, oops, I mean, George Bush’s administration? Just who was it then who got us into this war? Congress? The other group who got diddled with edited intelligence, all disclaimers being buried in the footnotes? There IS such a thing as videotape, you know, and people can actually re-watch all those interviews. But not “the base”, I guess.
I guess Mary must be pretty happy right now also, now that Dad has realized he’s not against gay marriage. It must make her feel proud to know that he can acknowledge her sexual orientation without attacking anyone else–like John Edwards did during the 2004 election–for revealing a deep dark stain on his character. Too bad so many states have followed his earlier lead and started passing “Defense of Marriage” bills that define marriage as being between one man and one woman, but they obviously misinterpreted your unspoken thoughts.
Now, most of the news articles I read treated these statements of yours as two separate incidents, not wishing to reveal that you said both of these whoppers at the same event. But most of them completely ignored your dumping the blame for 9/11 on Dick Clark, suggesting that he was asleep at the switch and was caught with his pants down like the rest of you. Jon Stewart’s writers at the Daily Show (who have GOT to be watching every freakin’ news channel and C-Span 25/8!–as well as Arianna Huffington) After all, you hadn’t “read his book.” I guess you hadn’t read his memos, requests for meetings, briefing statements, either.
So what I want to know is, why does anyone pay you any attention anymore Dick? We already found you stealing the presents from under the tree. Isn’t it time we all grew up and admitted that far from being the Santa Claus we believed gave us peace and security, you were the Grinch who was stealing it away? Unfortunately, you’re out of office. It’s too late to invoke the Sanity Clause.

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Did he really think that this would make God happy?

If I wasn't happy about dens of thieves, don't you think slaughterhouses might not be high on my list, either?

One day, Jesus walked into the temple and saw its courtyard teeming with moneychangers, moneylenders and other parasites. So he picked up a cord and knotted it and began whipping their collective asses until they skedaddled and said, “My house is a house of prayer but you have made it a den of thieves.” Jesus was pissed off. And that was just from people doing straightforward, legitimate business–it was just that it was the wrong place to be doing straightforward legitimate business. So now we have this fanatic who decides, oh, it will make God really happy if I kill someone right in a church. Please note, I’m not saying what the issue is here, because the issue doesn’t really matter and just gets in the way. You don’t kill someone who you disagree with because it’s wrong and you don’t kill them in a church. That’s called sacrilege.
A lot of news sources have been muddying the issue by calling the murder of Dr. George Tiller an execution. You execute someone for doing something BAD. Whether you’re the government executing a killer or a mobster killing a doublecrosser. But when you pull out a gun and shoot someone unsuspecting in the middle of Sunday services, you’re not “executing” anyone. To call this an execution legitimizes the murderer’s point of view. Let’s call a spade a spade: You’re assassinating him. You’re performing an act of terrorism. You’re saying, this doctor performed abortions, this is a warning to all other doctors that this will happen to you also if you perform abortions. You’re saying that you have the right to decide who lives and dies, the very same thing you have accused the man you killed of.
There are many, like Bill O’Reilly (O’Reilly’s campaign against murdered doctor) who called Tiller a “nazi”, “baby killer”, nicknamed him “Tiller the baby killer” who are now going to turn around and condemn the schmuck who pulled the trigger without considering that it was their rhetoric that loaded the gun. Or Randall Terry, who seems more upset with the fact that President Obama decried a CRIME than about the fact that a crime had been committed. Self-righteously intoning that he is sorry that the victim didn’t have time to repent. How is that any different from supporting terrorism? If the killer had been a member of al-Qaeda, I’m sure he would have no problem condemning the action. And that’s what I’m saying, don’t approve of something your friend does that you would condemn if your enemy did it. After all, aren’t you supposed to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?”
No, this isn’t a very funny cartoon today.

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