Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

FINALLY!

A tank leaves Iraq--a little bit more peace on earth.

Going home--now let's wind up Afghanistan

Four score minus 72 years ago–the length only SEEMS Lincolnian–eight, nearly nine years, to be exact, the United States armed forces gave up the hunt for bin Laden when only a football field away from his cave to go into Iraq and do–something. It was never too clear what that something was. It was supposed to be to disarm and save the world Saddam Hussein, the mad dictator who possessed thousands of WMDs in a country that had been under UN economic sanctions for over ten years. The world was treated to visions of mushroom clouds, dancing over their heads, if this action wasn’t taken. For some reason, the French, Russians and Chinese weren’t impressed. We focused our indignation on the French and named them “surrender monkeys,” and without imprimatur of UN resolutions, blitzkrieged our way to Baghdad.

Funny thing, turns out the French were right. No WMDs. That’s OK, they’re still surrender monkeys to the vast numbers of Americans who were convinced that Saddam Hussein was going to nuke their mall in days if we didn’t invade. Turns out the country was broke–that decade of economic sanctions had done its work. The troops who faced the American-led onslaught barely had shoes, let alone WMDs. The country was SO broke in fact, that Saddam Hussein was using his reputation for insanity and for once having WMDs to protect his country from being attacked by one of his neighbors! Talk about a strategy being too successful!

The war, we were told, would pay for itself. The oil that we’d get first crack at would lower the energy bills for the United States 10 times over. Hmmmm, I wonder how THAT worked out. Forty-five bucks to fill the tank of a Honda CIVIC??? We were also told the war would be so cheap that it wasn’t worth putting on the budget. Nearly a trillion dollars later we can chalk that up as another miscalculation.

Lives? Only about 5000 American, British and “coalition of the blackmailed”. But over 100,000 Iraqi lives. The wounded figures are far greater and the wounds they suffered are far more severe because we can save lives better than we can save limbs or protect heads from explosions. The number of Americans with PTSD number in the hundreds of thousands.

A little over 8 years ago, I began a cartoon series, Hail Dubyus! lampooning the Bush administration in the hope of being even a small voice of sanity. Like the WMDs, my influence was vastly over-rated :D When the Bush era finally ended and the new era of hope began, I changed the name of my cartoon. I was under no illusion that things would be immediately better. In some significant ways, they are. In others, we’re in worse shape than we were before, mostly due to Congressional obstruction and economic advisors whose loyalty to Wall Street has been greater than their concern for Main Street, a chief executive who thought that good faith negotiations were possible with people who have pledged themselves to his destruction, and a Supreme Court that thinks that while all men are created equal, dollar for dollar they’re not quite as equal as corporations. On top of that, as our troops finally leave Iraq in accordance with our word to the government that we set up, these same Congressional obstructionists ask if we shouldn’t stay there a little longer to better fulfill our goals.

WHAT GOALS?

I lift my voice in thanksgiving that some of our forces will be home for Christmas, Chanukah, Yule, Kwanzaa, Saturnalia, Solstice and whatever other year end celebrations they will be able to partake of without being shot at. Happiest of holidays for them and their families! My wish for the New Year is that soon we will be able to finish whatever it is we started in Afghanistan and bring those troops home as well. And so we shall be able to say ourselves, as GIR observed when Invader ZIM told him that he could now self-destruct:

FINALLY!

Happy Holidays to Everyone. We shall take a winter break until January 23 to have time to update the website and work on other projects and get fat on Christmas cookies.

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How the GinGrinch Wants to Steal Christmas

Newt Gingrich wants to turn back the clock to the 18th century...

Where's Tiny Tim? I need to kick something...

We’ve been continuing with this marathon of Republican “debates” for what seems like decades now. The strategy of holding SO MANY debates is that it will give Americans–bless their pointy little heads–the idea that these are actually the PRESIDENTIAL debates. After all, these things must be important if they’re having so many of them. The Democrats, especially that socialist atheist Muslim godless commie in the White House, don’t get the chance for a rebuttal, because these are just Republicans arguing with each other. And with the same things being said over and over, it’s kind of a brainwashing to get people to think that what these clowns are saying is actually serious.

After all, the points of disagreement are very few and usually questions of degree–except for anything Ron Paul has to say, which will usually be ignored if not reported derisively–imagine, not wasting billions of dollars every day in the Middle East–the man’s a lunatic! I’m not sure these can actually even be called debates–they’re more a kind of an “I’m a bigger jagoff than you are” contest. Rick Perry seemed to have had that one sewn up with his record for executions of possibly innocent men, forgetting what agencies he wanted to eliminate, how everyone should carry concealed weapons in case they have to sneak up on a coyote, and otherwise general doofusness that made W seem like a wild-eyed intellectual in comparison. But Herman Cain took the lead with his 9-9-9 plan stolen from SIM CITY, plans to electrocute Mexicans if they tried to climb over the border fence and inability to name countries where we have dark ops. And when “the ladies” got the pizza delivery guy to back out of the house, he cemented his place in history by quoting Pokemon as an inspiration. Sigh–we’re going to miss you, Herman.

Now when all this was happening, the Newt decided he needed to get in their with something even more asshole than the rest of them. And he certainly came up with one. ABOLISH CHILD LABOR LAWS. That’s the spirit, Newt! Why stop at turning the clock back to the 1920s when you can turn it back to the 1820s!

Everyone was naturally appalled that he should suggest such a thing–since, after all, child labor laws are generally seen as one of the GOOD things of 19th century liberalism–you know, like abolishing slavery? Newt’s brainstorm seems to have been based on the idea that kids could work in schools as janitors since ANYONE can push a broom, run a floor waxing machine, fix a furnace, clean up after sick kids and then repair the plumbing–which once again goes to prove that Newt never did an honest day’s work in his entire life since he obviously has no idea how much hard work there is and how much know-how actually goes into a custodial job.

No, Newt was simply trying to out-outrageous the then-reigning king, Mr. Cain for jagoff plans. But one objection that nobody made was–WTF? you want to expand the workforce at a time when we’ve had near 10% unemployment for three whole years? When 1/6 of all Americans are either un-or-under-employed? How the f**k ever did you get a head THAT BIG up your butthole? It must be an awfully big butthole…

Why stop at child labor tho? Why don’t we bring back debtor’s prisons? You know, make it a federal offense to, say, walk away from an underwater mortgage–or fail to pay credit card bills? Now that would REALLY be the ticket! And as we fast approach that season of the rolling year when want is most keenly felt, let’s put that suggestion into context–Are there no prisons? And the Union Workhouses–they are still in operation? The Treadmill and the Poor Law, they are still working at full vigor? A merry Christmas? BAH! HUMBUG! Forget Scrooge–Newt is the Gingrinch!

And with Mitt Romney betting $10,000 just to prove that he has more money than God, it looks like the Grinch will steal the Republican nomination. And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!

We’re gonna need it.

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Returning from the turkey to get the bird

Crony capitalism and cracking down on peaceful protest--Quo vadis, America?

A double helping of caffeine today...quo vadis, America?

So, after finally having digested ALL of the Thanksgiving turkey, we turn once again to a much less edible bird. Earlier this week, we found out that Henry Paulson–you know, former CEO of Vampire-Squid–while he was Secretary of the Treasury–wandered into a meeting with hedge fund managers and told them what Treasury was going to do about Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. SAY WHAT? Umm, Hank, that was supposed to be a secret until it happened! Did it not occur to you that someone might possibly engage in some insider trading on the basis of WHAT YOU #$%^&* JUST TOLD THEM? Oh, but these are my buddies–they’d never do anything so illegal, unethical and immoral. Well, most of them anyway.

There we have it, the essence of what ^&*(#$%^& went wrong with our system. We used to think that the Grant and Harding administrations were the poster children for corruption. Well, Bush II certainly gave them a run for their money (so to speak) and the Obama administration is coming up fast along the far turn. Here, pack of foxes, please take care of the hen house–we know that ace chicken stealers are going to be the best as keeping predators away! Other predators, that is!

With that shocking bit of news, did it really come as any surprise when we found out the REAL scale of the bailout? That the Fed SECRETLY loaned banks 7.7 TRILLION DOLLARS at interest rates even lower than they pay their mom and pop customers on bank deposits? And that these banks loaned it back to the government to make a profit on it? Not to worry, they only realized 0.17% profit on it. Right–only 13 BILLION dollars.

And while we found all this out, the cops of various cities have been coordinating attacks on those dirty hippies, rapists, thieves and murderers, as Fox and Friends would have it, at the same time as the Egyptian military has been attacking “pro-democracy demonstrators” in Cairo. You’ve seen the pictures…can you tell the difference? YES–tanks! You’re welcome!

This has gotten the reactionary forces in Congress to get the knickers in a knot. Hey–if the Egyptians can use tanks against their own citizens, WHY CAN’T WE? Why not indeed! So they included in the Defense Authorization bill language authorizing the military to detain terrorist suspects on native soil. Now a lot of people have gotten upset that American citizens might be incarcerated by the military, thrown in some brig and held indefinitely, but let’s ask another question. If the military can go after terrorists–how’s it going to get them? Are Navy SEALS going to be attacking terrorist cells run by my next-door neighbor? What happens if it’s decided that the attack might be too dangerous? Is that a drone I see flying THROUGH MY LIVING ROOM?

Now you might think that this is just paranoia, but consider this: 60 senators thought that this was a $%^&*#$ GOOD IDEA. It was originally 61, but one of them decided it really looked bad. President Obama has threatened a veto. That would make this his 3rd–an average of one a year–tied with Herbert Hoover. You know, the guy who let the banks tell him what to do during the Great Depression.

Why does that give me a headache?

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