Ted Nugent Now Down With The Secret Service? Did He Get Them A Discount?

Before we go anywhere, we’d like to say Thank You to Jimmy Kimmel for saying something to the POTUS that he needed to hear. It’s one thing for the President to hear criticism on “the TV” where he can ignore it as background noise and another thing to burst through the bubble and say it to his face. With a demonstration. All those who’ve never smoked marijuana raise your hands, said Jimmy at the White House correspondent’s dinner. A few hands shot up and then sheepishly went back down when the owners of said hands realized that it wasn’t necessary to be an enthusiastic liar at this moment. Probably a lot of the people who didn’t raise their hands were trying to look cool (as in the “Of course, I’ve had anal sex” variety of cool), as well. But it was high time that President Obama realize that HIS youthful indiscretion was shared by the majority of the population. And that it was no longer necessary to “atone” for it by enthusiastic scrupulosity in applying the existing BAD laws. As one commentator noted, all that was needed to get around the Defense of Marriage law was to say, “Stop enforcing it.” Why can’t Obama do the same, at least for medical marijuana? Or was that another unspoken part of the deal with Big Pharma to lower their opposition to Health Care Reform? Anyhow, thanks Jimmy Kimmel.

Now on to the Secret Service. By now, we all know that 11 Secret Service agents hired 21 prostitutes in Cartagena and got into trouble by trying to “stiff” a particularly high-priced lady. Umm, by not paying her fee. 11 agents, 21 pros. The question we’re all asking–which one of you guys couldn’t handle 2 girls?

The fact that PROSTITUTION IS LEGAL IN CARTAGENA seems to have been ignored by most of the coverage. We are outraged by the “sex scandal”. The more important part of the story is that these Secret Service boys were bragging about their jobs and relations with the President to a large group of women whose security clearances were probably flimsier than their nighties. Cheese and Weisswurst! Have we started drafting our POTUS’s bodyguard out of high school? Or isn’t there a “brain” requirement anymore?

If that is true, I have no doubt that Ted Nugent is down with the Service. Despite his inflammatory displays of guns at rallies, opining in 2007 “Obama’s a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun”, besides his recent displays of bravado (considering his claims of elaborate ruses to escape the Vietnam era draft). He says now that the Secret Service and him are good buddies now. Hopefully because they told him to STFU. But if their Cartagena exploits are any indication of their brain pan measurements, Ted Nugent might not be the arrogant lying loudmouth he acts like.

In other sex scandals, Ricky Santorum, being the Dick that he is, had his picture taken with Lindsay Lohan and is denying it. Oh, come on, now, Ricky. You don’t ALWAYS have to act like a prick with a stick up his rectum! On the other hand, maybe you do.

And finally, in other news, Mitt Romney gave us his solution to soaring college costs. Students should borrow the money from their parents. Why not? He did.

And that’s where it stands.

Has Ann really ever worked a day in her life? Depends on your definition of work.

I’m playing catch-up here after losing our furry friend. So forgive me if this brouhaha isn’t really as current as it might be. Hilary Rosen said something that is objectively true, that Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life. It’s true–Ann Romney has never worked a day for wages. Ann Romney countered that she’s performed the most important job there is, being a mother. Huff and Puff! Oh, you horrible person, Hilary, you apologize to her. Even President Obama said so.

Myself, I’m thoroughly sick of this tactic working. One side criticizes something. The other side accuses them of making a totally and deliberately misconstrued slur on mom, apple pie and the flag, forcing them to apologize and delegitimizing the original critique in the first place. It’s time for liberals to STOP APOLOGIZING for things they never said.

Yes, being a mom is the most important job in the world if you don’t count brain surgery, leading a country, or being a professional athlete in the United States. And Ann Romney has certainly borne and raised five children. And five kids is a job and a half. Now we know she didn’t perform a job for wages. But the question is, has she performed the same amount of WORK the rest of you mothers out there have?

Who took the kids to school? Granted most of your kids took the bus, but if the kid got sick in the middle of the day, who had to pick him up? You did. Who did it at the Romney household? Ann? or the chauffeur? Who took the kids to soccer practice, piano lessons, dance class, boy scouts, girl scouts, Tae Kwan frickin’ Do? Ann? or the chauffeur? Who helped with the homework? Ann? or the NANNY? Who cooked and cleaned? Ann? Or the cook? Or the maid? Who shooed religious fanatics who wanted to talk about God from the front door? Ann? or the butler? Who had to keep the budget? Ann? Or the accountant?

Being a mom is a heckuva lot easier a job when you have a staff. In fact, it hardly seems like “work” at all, doesn’t it? The same relationship to real work that being a CEO has. You get the fun parts–playing with the kid, acting proud at graduation. And some of the not-so-fun parts–worrying while they’re sick or have had an accident, grieving if they die. But the day-to-day nitty gritty? Someone else handles that.

So let’s go one more step. Who got a job when her husband’s job wasn’t paying enough for the family, who had to work when he was laid off, who had to make the mortgage payments when he was in Iraq fighting for the country (especially with banks not paying attention to their agreements about military service), who had to support the family when he died? I’m not saying these are the only good reasons for a mom to have to work outside the home, but these are just a few of the “good” reasons even a Rush Limbaugh would accept as legitimate. Come to think of it, Rush wouldn’t. He assumes all single mothers are welfare moms without husbands. But certainly Ann Romney would agree.

How hard a job is being a mom in the real world as opposed to being a mom when you have more money than God? I stand by Hilary Rosen’s statement. Ann Romney HAS never worked a day in her life.

And she knows it. I think the “real” motha’ in all this is the strategist who told Ann what to say.

Goodnight, Buddy

Last Monday, my wife and I had to say good-bye to our dear little buddy, Doozey (I’ve been told the name was actually Duzel, but I thought Doozey was more appropriate). He came into our lives five years ago–we believe his owner had passed away and through a series of accidents, he found himself homeless until we adopted him. It took a while for him to trust us, but when he did, I did this pastel sketch of him, sleeping on a pillow.

He was a sweet cat, never seeming to get angry like other cats do on occasion, and basically, he became one of the family. We have lots of stories about him but to write them down would probably just choke me up right now. He started showing signs of something wrong late last year. Naturally we took him to the vet, but all his vitals seemed normal. Around the start of this year, things took a turn for the worse and we seemed to have discussions with his doctor everyday. More tests, more medicines. Finally, the poor little guy was half his weight and unable to eat. He was afraid to sleep, because he feared never waking up. Eventually he did.

Cats have jobs. They decide what their job is and you have no influence on what it will be. Doozey’s was bed making inspection. Whenever we made the bed, he’d leap into the center to make sure we were doing it right. Before we’d finished. We took to closing the bedroom door so we could actually get the sheets straight.

We’re going to miss closing the door.

Unexpected time off due to family illness.

BB Next week.

ABOUT MEH

Cartoons and text by Greg Uchrin (aka Gregorius alexandrinus), with the able assistance of Fred and Bert Squirrel, with special appearances by George Dymme. Published once a week on Mondays.

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