Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Happy Hallowe’en from the Cthulhu Group–your trusted name in finance

Mrs. Dymme mistakes the chthonic spawn of Cthulhu for children trick-or-treating as financial executives.

Ia? Shub-Niggurath? Is that Trick-or-Treat in a foreign language?

October is my favorite month because it has my two favorite holidays–my birthday, sometimes also known as Columbus Day (a day off AND presents, now that’s MY kind of holiday) and Hallowe’en. The end of October is fast approaching, the leaves have turned orange and started to fall, and the kids have started working on their costumes–unless they go to anime cons, and then they have costumes ready all year. But for some of us, Hallowe’en started last year and has continued on through the last 12 months–the bankers who destroyed the economy, told us that it would get worse if we didn’t give them nearly a trillion dollars to bail them out, and then proceeded to give themselves bonuses for doing such a great job. TRICK OR TREAT! Now, It wasn’t completely their fault, after all, we gave them the money And then said, “Oh, don’t bother to tell us how you’re going to spend it–we trust you to make the right decisions.” After all, look where your decisions have gotten us so far! With 20-20 hindsight, this lack of oversight was beyond doubt a true oversight that we should have had the foresight to forestall. But the Bush administration was still in charge and one thing you have to say about the Bush administration–when they were wrong–they made sure they were ABSOLUTELY WRONG. Not that things have changed that much with the Obama forces–our national treasury is still in the hands of Goldman-Sachs and the prospect of tougher regulation looks like it will go the way of single-payer health coverage–off the table before we even start. Instead, we’ve decided to ask these pirates if they pretty please with sugar on top, consider not acting like the total greedy bastards that they are.
But, isn’t it amazing how the real solutions get taken off the table so quickly–like impeaching Bush, which never even got to a vote because it had been taken off the table, and once the Democrats take something off the table, it’s like last month’s minutes at the cell phone company. Look at credit card reform–capping interest rates? That might make the credit card companies upset. Instead we forced them to “give notice” when they were going to gouge their customers–and then gave them enough of a grace period to institute loan shark rates before they had to even think of giving notice. Will we even be able to slap the wrists of the credit rating companies who issued fantasy ratings for the worthless securities that drove the economy into the dirt? No no no! those ratings are “opinions” and thus guarded by the First Amendment. The rating companies have no obligation to give an honest and truthful rating, according to their lawyers. If that’s true, why do we even have these ratings companies–why not just let everybody rate themselves and cut out the middleman! And on the health care front, the big question is whether the “public option” is going to be watered down as much as a strip’n'clip bourbon and water–or water and bourbon.
To add insult to injury, our old friend Joe Liebermann has announced that once again he will not vote with the Democrats but with the Republicans against the public option, demonstrating once again that his votes are not about what’s good for the country but what’s good for Joe Liebermann. I think he was jealous of all the attention Olympia Snowe was getting. Hey, they should all be getting upset about ME! Seriously, Democrats, I think it’s time you re-evaluated your relationship with this man. He promised to caucus with you, but cheats on you every chance he gets. If this was a marriage, you’d be consulting a divorce lawyer…a year ago when he supported the Republican Presidential nominee. I wanted to draw him today as an asshole (really–two cheeks with a hole in the crack) but since I don’t want to have to mark it “mature” I decided to do him as a slug amidst the chthonic spawn of Cthulhu instead :) I think it’s an apt analogy considering what he votes for.
In any case, Happy Hallowe’en: kids, trick-or-treat safely and treaters, always buy extra of your favorite candy. Now I’ve got to go carve some pumpkins :)

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Recovery is Underway–Quit the Bank Before They Cap Pay–Happy Days Are Here Again!

A patient is told by his doctor that he's on the road to recovery because his tapeworm is growing bigger....

What's the difference between a bank executive and a tapeworm? You can cure a tapeworm infection.

Oh yes, the Dow hit 10,000 and the GDP was up 3.2% last quarter. Time to Celebrate–the Great Recession is OVER. Happy Days are here again! The skies above are clear again–So let’s sing a song of cheer again–Happy days are here again!
What’s that? Your bank just closed? Oh, don’t worry, the FDIC will cover THAT. Oh, you didn’t have any money in it anyway? So, what do you have to worry about? You’ve been out of work for two years, your unemployment has run out and the only job you can find is part-time trash cleanup at McDonalds? Well, be thankful for Mickey D’s, some people don’t even have that. Oh, and your mortgage is being foreclosed and you’ve been evicted from your house and are living in your car. It could be worse! The repo man could be coming for your car! Oh, you park in different lots every night because of just that. Hey, not to worry, all that will be over soon! The Dow is up, the GDP is up, Happy Days are here again! Let’s Party like it was 1927! After all, we got our bonuses–and left our jobs before the government capped salaries! It doesn’t matter that the rise in GDP was because of tax break for new house buyers and the Cash for Clunkers program–we’ll worry about that NEXT quarter. Altogether shout it now–There’s no one who can doubt it now–So let’s tell the world about it now–Happy days are here again! So long sad times–Go long bad times–We are rid of you at last! Howdy gay times–Cloudy gray times–You are now a thing of the past! Your cares and troubles are gone–There’ll be no more from now on! Happy Days are here again! The skies above are clear again–So let’s sing a song of cheer again–Happy days are here again!

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Obama AIG Gaffe: Heck of a Job, Brownie– errr I mean, Timmy

President Obama praises Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's job performance to Jay Leno on the Tonight Show, only it seems that Tim Geithner is actually Timmy from South Park.

Obama suffers a Katrina moment--got a Twix?

President Obama appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno late last week to try to restore public confidence in Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner, after Geithner’s royal screw-up over the AIG executive bonuses. While he was there, Barack and Leno had some playful banter about Obama’s lousy bowling skills, which Obama said was on a par with people from the Special Olympics. Indignation spread all over the internet. There were so many articles expressing outrage at Obama for making a remark that most of our children would make and find funny (not to mention many adults) that I couldn’t find an exact quote of what he’d actually said. I had to watch the video–bloggers either assumed that you already KNEW what the offensive statement was or else they were so busy expressing their own feelings about the gaffe that the thought that someone might not have been watching Leno never occurred to them. Even Sarah Palin, still running for vice president–apparently, no one has told her the election is over–weighed in on it. Thank God for YouTube.
I’m not going to post the YouTube video–if you haven’t seen it by now, you’ve probably just returned from an expedition to the source of the Amazon, and dammit, they’ve got a search engine there, find it yourself. Obama started apologizing even before the segment AIRED, as well he should: champion Special Olympic bowlers are WAY better than he is. Special Olympics bowler: I can beat the president! But although that was one great gaffe almost worthy of Joe Biden, who’s SUPPOSED to make the stupid statements in THIS administration, it wasn’t the BIGGEST gaffe of the evening. The BIG one was telling everyone how great a job Tim Geithner was doing and then NOT “accepting his resignation” the next day!
Maybe someone forgot to tell him. TIMMEH! When your boss says what a great job you’ve done after a colossal screwup–that’s a signal that you need to spend more time with your family. You’re supposed to offer him your resignation. He can decline to accept it–if he’s an idiot! Perhaps Obama didn’t make it clear enough–he couldn’t possibly think you really are doing a great job, could he? If he does, he could be facing, as Frank Rich opined in the NY Times (in an article I read after I’d already sketched my cartoon–GMTA), his Katrina moment Frank Rich: Has A ‘Katrina Moment’ Arrived? “Heckuva Job, Brownie”, George Bush said while most of New Orleans was under the Mississippi. “Heckuva Job, Timmy,” Obama may as well have said. Frankly, South Park’s Timmy may be able to do a better job than Timmy Geithner. Perhaps there ought to be a Special Olympics for solving economic crises!

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