Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Ted Nugent Now Down With The Secret Service? Did He Get Them A Discount?

The Secret Service asks for student discounts at a Cartagena brothel.

Obviously, their government discount didn't apply...

Before we go anywhere, we’d like to say Thank You to Jimmy Kimmel for saying something to the POTUS that he needed to hear. It’s one thing for the President to hear criticism on “the TV” where he can ignore it as background noise and another thing to burst through the bubble and say it to his face. With a demonstration. All those who’ve never smoked marijuana raise your hands, said Jimmy at the White House correspondent’s dinner. A few hands shot up and then sheepishly went back down when the owners of said hands realized that it wasn’t necessary to be an enthusiastic liar at this moment. Probably a lot of the people who didn’t raise their hands were trying to look cool (as in the “Of course, I’ve had anal sex” variety of cool), as well. But it was high time that President Obama realize that HIS youthful indiscretion was shared by the majority of the population. And that it was no longer necessary to “atone” for it by enthusiastic scrupulosity in applying the existing BAD laws. As one commentator noted, all that was needed to get around the Defense of Marriage law was to say, “Stop enforcing it.” Why can’t Obama do the same, at least for medical marijuana? Or was that another unspoken part of the deal with Big Pharma to lower their opposition to Health Care Reform? Anyhow, thanks Jimmy Kimmel.

Now on to the Secret Service. By now, we all know that 11 Secret Service agents hired 21 prostitutes in Cartagena and got into trouble by trying to “stiff” a particularly high-priced lady. Umm, by not paying her fee. 11 agents, 21 pros. The question we’re all asking–which one of you guys couldn’t handle 2 girls?

The fact that PROSTITUTION IS LEGAL IN CARTAGENA seems to have been ignored by most of the coverage. We are outraged by the “sex scandal”. The more important part of the story is that these Secret Service boys were bragging about their jobs and relations with the President to a large group of women whose security clearances were probably flimsier than their nighties. Cheese and Weisswurst! Have we started drafting our POTUS’s bodyguard out of high school? Or isn’t there a “brain” requirement anymore?

If that is true, I have no doubt that Ted Nugent is down with the Service. Despite his inflammatory displays of guns at rallies, opining in 2007 “Obama’s a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun”, besides his recent displays of bravado (considering his claims of elaborate ruses to escape the Vietnam era draft). He says now that the Secret Service and him are good buddies now. Hopefully because they told him to STFU. But if their Cartagena exploits are any indication of their brain pan measurements, Ted Nugent might not be the arrogant lying loudmouth he acts like.

In other sex scandals, Ricky Santorum, being the Dick that he is, had his picture taken with Lindsay Lohan and is denying it. Oh, come on, now, Ricky. You don’t ALWAYS have to act like a prick with a stick up his rectum! On the other hand, maybe you do.

And finally, in other news, Mitt Romney gave us his solution to soaring college costs. Students should borrow the money from their parents. Why not? He did.

And that’s where it stands.

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Stop the Presses, Census Worker Murdered–TWO WEEKS AGO???

As a hanged man dangles from a tree, a sheriff explains they think it's probably a suicide, the only question remaining if he wrote OK, I can see how local law enforcement might think the death of Bill Sparkman could be a suicide. After all, with what Michele Bachmann and other wingnuts have been saying about the census, poor Bill could have been so depressed at the thought that he was contributing to the downfall of Western Democracy, Christianity and all that we hold dear so that Kenya could dominate the world in something other than Olympic running, that he scrawled FED on his own chest and hanged himself. That’s one theory. Another theory, just possibly a little more probable, is that Bill was mistaken for a revenooer or a DEA agent or just saw the wrong thing and was eliminated as a witness–with FED scrawled over his chest to alert the FBI that a gang of drug and/or illegal whisky purveyors were hiding out in this vicinity…they obviously wanted the publicity. Or it could have been a result of all the spew from the right wing at how the census will turn these United Statesl into a socialist worker’s paradise, aided by the pimp=and-prostitute loving, false voter registering ACORN. Maybe Glenn Beck even thinks this is crazy stuff, but they don’t think that over on CLEAR CHANNEL where they are advising people not to fill out the census–thus ensuring that their state will not get the representation that its population will deserve.
What gets to me is that with all this talk about the census in the news, the Associated Press really jumped on this story…and buried it for 10 days! Granted that since the days of Ronny Raygun, AP has been drifting starboard (and it’s fascinating to watch how individual stories become more “balanced” as different levels of editors get their hands on an issue to the point where in a recent story birther protests were equated with protests against torture at Abu Ghraib), but what did they think suppressing a story like this was going to achieve? Were they hoping that they could release it at a time when no one would notice? Myself, I’m of the opinion that it took 10 days to find out whether or not Michele Bachmann had an alibi for the date in question–they have such a great research department! But I’d better quit talking about this if I don’t want to get slapped with a plagiarism charge and get sued for violation of copyright because it IS an AP story–and their legal department’s position is that you cannot even CITE an AP story without stepping over the borders of their vast intellectual property domain.
Nancy Pelosi recently invoked the ridicule of the right by suggesting that America was at risk from politics erupting into violence, with House Minority Whip Eric Cantor returning his own opinion that Speaker Pelosi was living in another world. Nancy was either prescient (if she had to wait for the AP story to appear) or better-informed than Cantor who is living in a bubble of mythical America where assassinations, lynchings and mob violence only happen–to someone else. But even POLITICO has discovered that there might be reason to be worried–at least in the opinion of several former CIA, FBI and Secret Service officers. Myself, I HOPE this terrible crime was the fault of drug or alcohol miscreants. But seriously–I have me doubts. Even Bachmann evidently has her doubts, considering the way she cut a reporter who asked for her comment. Michele should realize that those who play with guns sometimes get shot–in their own foot by their own finger. In the meantime, being a census worker has been declared a hazardous occupation and is grounds for cancellation of your health insurance policy. Have a nice day :)
(My condolences to Bill Sparkman’s family–my cartoon is not meant to belittle his unfortunate death but to ridicule the competency with which it is being investigated.)

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Which way is the wind blowing today, Mr. President?

The townhall meetings are likened to the climax of Frankenstein where the mob of villagers burn the monster alive in the windmill, whose vanes form a burning cross.

A recent town hall meeting

Well, the anti-Obama mobs have continued disrupting the town meetings that the Republicans demanded so they could break them up with anti-Obama mobs. These guys are getting scary. One yahoo brought a loaded gun to a townhall meeting where the President of the United States was speaking, just in case he had the chance to shoot someone (see Armed and Dangerous?). He was carrying a sign reading, “It’s time to water the Tree of Liberty”–making a reference to a Jefferson quotation that continues, “with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” The police did not arrest him. He was on private property and the weapon wasn’t concealed so–he was breaking no laws. I guess there’s no law against an implied threat to the President in New Hampshire. I mean, come on, would you ever carry a loaded gun anywhere unless you think you might have to use it, right? Oh, heck, I might need to shoot a lock open next to the President of the United States, whom I think is really a Kenyan usurper, and a secret Moslem who wants to turn us into Socialists! Yes, I agree, that the idiot has the right to say whatever comes into his pointy little head, but the combination of advocating spilling the blood of tyrants while standing in a group of angry protestors WHILE carrying a loaded gun shows the sorry state of political discourse going on today. Some people (not mentioning any names, Republican party) seem to think that it’s OK to drown out someone trying to speak by shouting–probably because they see Bill O’Reilly do it on a nightly basis. Didn’t their mothers ever teach them how to be polite?
But their message is getting through to the Great Compromiser, who sent up a trial balloon to see if he could get away without a public option in the ever-dwindling Health Care Reform. This time, it was Kathy Sebelius who was chosen to take the bullet. The reaction from the left very pointedly showed that without the public option, the Democratic party can expect its progressive wing to sit on its hands come November 2010–and possibly 2012 as well. After all, without the public option, we might as well pass a bill apologizing to the Health Insurance conglomerates for needlessly worrying them about real reform. It’s truly amazing how many times someone in this Administration–which spends so much care crafting its messages–how many times someone “misspeaks”. BTW that has got to be the god-damnedest word in the English language, covering everything from Freudian slips to trial balloons to outright lies, trying to make it sound like missing the step on a short flight of stairs. I think it’s high time we replaced that term.
Anyway, Kathy Sebelius has officially misspoke and President Obama has re-iterated his support of the public option. But don’t try to get end-of-life counseling–that’s already in the crapper.

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