Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Recovery is Underway–Quit the Bank Before They Cap Pay–Happy Days Are Here Again!

A patient is told by his doctor that he's on the road to recovery because his tapeworm is growing bigger....

What's the difference between a bank executive and a tapeworm? You can cure a tapeworm infection.

Oh yes, the Dow hit 10,000 and the GDP was up 3.2% last quarter. Time to Celebrate–the Great Recession is OVER. Happy Days are here again! The skies above are clear again–So let’s sing a song of cheer again–Happy days are here again!
What’s that? Your bank just closed? Oh, don’t worry, the FDIC will cover THAT. Oh, you didn’t have any money in it anyway? So, what do you have to worry about? You’ve been out of work for two years, your unemployment has run out and the only job you can find is part-time trash cleanup at McDonalds? Well, be thankful for Mickey D’s, some people don’t even have that. Oh, and your mortgage is being foreclosed and you’ve been evicted from your house and are living in your car. It could be worse! The repo man could be coming for your car! Oh, you park in different lots every night because of just that. Hey, not to worry, all that will be over soon! The Dow is up, the GDP is up, Happy Days are here again! Let’s Party like it was 1927! After all, we got our bonuses–and left our jobs before the government capped salaries! It doesn’t matter that the rise in GDP was because of tax break for new house buyers and the Cash for Clunkers program–we’ll worry about that NEXT quarter. Altogether shout it now–There’s no one who can doubt it now–So let’s tell the world about it now–Happy days are here again! So long sad times–Go long bad times–We are rid of you at last! Howdy gay times–Cloudy gray times–You are now a thing of the past! Your cares and troubles are gone–There’ll be no more from now on! Happy Days are here again! The skies above are clear again–So let’s sing a song of cheer again–Happy days are here again!

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See the USA in your new US Government-owned Chevrolet

The Obama family goes for a ride in their new US government owned General Motors (GM)

Bankruptcy insurance not included

Well, now we own an automobile company that’s worth…MINUS $50 billion. You’d think we could at least buy a company that was MAKING money–you know, like Toyota or Hyundai. Chrysler dealers–the ones who’ve gotten the Bye-Bye letter–are selling off their stock at rock-bottom prices. It’s almost as good as Oprah–you got a car, you got a car, you got a car–a little more expensive but it has the advantage of not having to sit through Oprah to get one. What’s amazing is that Ford ISN’T going bankrupt. I mean, there hasn’t been a good businessman in the Ford family since Henry. Remember Edsel Ford? But Ford’s been through so many bankruptcies and restructurings that they have it nailed. No help needed from the government for THEM.
Keeping with the auto theme, let’s turn to auto-erotic asphyxiation, David Carradine’s death in Bangkok. First the police called it suicide, then they said it might have been an auto-erotic asphyxiation game gone awry. Now I ask you, what was Grasshopper doing practicing auto-erotic asphyxiation in the sex-for-hire capitol of the universe? I mean, this is a place where you could have sex with underage GEESE and find someone who will get it for you for a price. And would you really believe the Bangkok police who have a strong interest in keeping the tourist dollars flowing in one of their most prominent service industries? And do you have any idea how hard it is to tie yourself up? And then hang yourself by the neck and the balls in a closet? From what I understand about auto-erotic asphyxiation (which admittedly isn’t much), you have all these safety features, like easy untie knots for all the important ummm places, and an apparatus to hold them all. You just don’t hang yourself in a broom closet! Something tells me someone else was around…I dunno, just a funny feeling. It may have something to do with the fishnet stockings and red lingerie found in the hotel room. Hmmm I wonder what lesson Grasshopper was learning this time? Of course, THAT could have been an elaborate ruse to disguise the involvement of a secret Kung Fu sect that MAY OR MAY NOT exist, MAY OR MAY NOT have murdered Carradine and was the same sect that MAY OR MAY NOT have murdered Bruce Lee!
I may have done the Carradine case as a cartoon, but it broke when I was in Florida for a family wedding and had to draw cartoons ahead, hopefully hitting something that was still fresh. Congrats to my cousin Gianna, who looked truly movie-star gorgeous in her wedding dress, and her new husband Steve. Shoutouts to Peter and Angela, the parents of the bride, Patricia and George who put us up, Uncle Johnny, Aunt Louise, Aunt Mary and all the cousins who would take too long to name, and my smoking buddies, Lisa, Aaron and Alicia, who all have cards directing them to this site LOL. Flying back on Monday afternoon!

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GM CEO, Rick Wagoner, gets Das Boot

Dialog to man being booted in the butt: 'Banker?' 'No, automobile CEO. Bankers don't punt well--they just kinda stick to your shoe...'

Obama practices his drop kick with an automobile exec who doesn't look anything like Rick Wagoner of GM

We are still pretty much under-the-weather here, so we are still taking it easy on ourselves in the art department–so says the man with a staff of one, himself…can you even call that a staff? Dammit, I need a graduate assistant. I’m really wanting to do Madonna since I haven’t done a religious painting in a while–but I know it’s something I’m going to need a lot more intestinal fortitude to accomplish, and I’m tired of Tim Geithner, but let’s face it, the economy IS the story of the moment–and the last moment–and the foreseeable moments to come, when suddenly I get a lifeline and Barack-baby tells GM CEO, Rick Wagoner, he’ll only bailout General Motors if Rick quits, and guess what? Rick Does.
Now that’s an incredibly unselfish move on the part of a CEO, actually putting his money where his mouth is to save the company. Granted, Rick has been paid a great salary considering he’s been helming a company that’s been hemorrhaging cash for some time…but nowhere NEAR the amount our banker bandits have been paid. On the other hand, GM’s losses, while substantial, have not been in the trillion dollar range and threatening to nuke the world economy when they hit ground zero. But you have to ask, like Detroit-area Congressman Thaddeus McCotter, if there isn’t a double standard being applied here. I mean, have any bank CEOs or Board Chairmen been asked to take a long walk off a short pier? Surely, the masters of the universe over there have been responsible for WAY more problems than the automobile industry–which actually provides real employment to a significant portion of the American people instead of parasitically creating more and more phony wealth to divide further the haves and have-nots. And speaking about employment–why did the autoworkers have to re-negotiate THEIR contracts when the banking contracts were held so sacrosanct that we had to pay millions of dollars to a bunch of high-class grifters while being told that it was impossible to do anything about them because contracts are sacred. Weren’t the autoworkers contracts sacred?
According to Peter Morici, U of MD economist (as reported by CNBC), “…the administration has a “PR problem” regarding unpopular corporate bailouts. “They are bailing out just about anybody that shows up and says they need cash. The public has grown weary of it and instead of throwing a banker to the wolves they have decided to throw Wagoner to the wolves,” Morici said.
Maybe it’s the idea that ANYONE can run a car company, but only people with knowledge of the arcane swindles the banks practiced can extricate them from the rubble of their own making. I got news for you–if they got caught under the rubble, they didn’t understand them either. Let’s see what happens when you recruit some A-students instead of these high-rolling crapshooters. Hey, administration. How about throwing the wolves a banker–I’m sure they could use a little watercress salad.
P.S. Yes *sigh*–I know “das boot” means “the boat” in German. I was trying to make a joke–but i guess it was a pretty *lame* joke for someone getting “the boot”. Next time, I’ll *float* one that doesn’t “sink” so bad (or should that be stink?).
(Wash Post) GM Chief to Resign at White House’s Behest
(NY Times) U.S. Moves to Overhaul Ailing Carmakers
(Huff Post) Rick Wagoner, GM CEO, Will Step Down At Obama’s Behest
(CNBC) GM CEO Forced Out as US Readies Autos Aid

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