Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Introducing Revolutionary Grrl!

Revolutionary Grrl Page 1--"Wake Up, Already!" After the 2016 election, Dodd-Frank & the Affordable Care Acts were swiftly repealed, banks were further deregulated, sweeping new powers given to the NSA, police departments & prison systems privatized to an unprecedented degree— America slept, as usual...

"Or watching American Idol ... "


OK, so I’m bored with strict politics. Introducing Revolutionary Grrl … who is she and what is she up to?

Nope, no relation to Revolutionary Girl, Utena–that’s why I spelled it Grrl :)

The story takes place in the not-too-distant future, when corporate dystopia has replaced all but the appearances of democracy in the United States.

Yeah, her hair is a little schematic. I’ll do better next time (and will revise this page when I have time). (REVISED VERSION UPLOADED!) And I’ll occasionally post new political cartoons when something really bothers me, but for the time being, I want to see how Revolutionary Grrl fares.

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The “Obstacle Course” to Citizenship

The 'Former Wetback' Card

Illegal immigrants are certain to love the new obstacle course to citizenship.

We interviewed Senator Hogsweat from the Committee for Immigration Reform, the so-called Gang of Eight”, on the proposed “path to citizenship” for undocumented immigrants. “Well, first off, we prefer to call them illegal aliens. All this PC crap about them being simply undocumented isn’t what reform is about. Now I wanted to call them wetbacks, because that’s what they are, but it got voted down.

“You see, we don’t want even the whiff of amnesty about this program, nosireebob! So right away, starting from when they got her and having them apply for citizenship based on the number of years they’d been here illegally–even if they’d paid taxes–was nixed. Likewise, starting from zero based on when they registered for the new program and then following the normal five-year path to citizenship any Canadian would have to follow.

“Nope, these suckers have to be punished for wanting our American jobs and our American dream. So we figure, fine them, make them pay back taxes, make them wait 10 more years for a green card and then 3 MORE years to apply for a citizenship. Some of us wanted to add wearing arm bands that said “Beaner”, but we were told that a BLUE card would be sufficient. So we made dang sure it read, “Former Wetback”, so when you get to your Home Depot to find someone, make sure they have the blue card!

“Oh, and they must negotiate a physical obstacle course as well–gotta make sure they are actually capable of working! A few tires, jump over a burning ditch, climb a rope covered with slime, hand over hand across a rattlesnake pit, crawl under live ammo fire… A little humiliation is a good thing for these sp– errr Hispanics, dontcha think?

“This is all contingent, of course, on setting up a barb wire fence, ditch, hill, 20 foot wide wall and second barb wire fence along the whole Southern border, marked with signs saying “Keepo Outo!”

In other news, the fright wing is still trying to make a brouhaha out of Benghazi, threatening to snarl the government with another useless impeachment quest if they aren’t given their way.

And in FURTHER news, this cartoonist will be appearing at two conventions in June–Anime Next in Somerset, NJ, June 7-9, and Anime MidAtlantic in Chesapeake, VA, June 14-16. I’ll be in Artist Alley in both and will also be giving talks on manga-writing and cartoon inking at AMA. Please stop by if you’re at either convention!

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Barrie Antoinette: “Let Them Eat Catfood…”

L'Ancien Régime. "Let them eat catfood."

"Life Among the Nobililty: The Swing" by Gregonard...

Well, Barrie Antoinette–excuse me, President Barry Obama, delivered his proposal for a budget and yes, indeed-y, there was the much hated-by-the-constituency-but-loved-by-Wall-Street “chained CPI”. According to one writer, Barry has called the Republican bluff–they have said they will brook no tax increases unless something is done about “entitlements”–you know, the money you’re entitled to because, well, you GAVE it to the Fed to invest throughout your working career! Well, the Prez has proposed chained CPI–the cost of living mal-adjustment that assumes that if you can’t afford steak, you’ll buy chicken and everything is still jake. Or if you can’t afford Chicken of the Sea, you’ll buy canned skipjack mackerel. And if you can’t afford canned mackerel, you’ll just go to Friskies.

The theory is that the Republicans will be so scared of losing their seats that they will do anything to avoid agreeing to this proposal. Except for one thing–who’s REALLY gonna get the blame for this? Why, the guy who proposed it, of course. President Obama. You know, the guy who DOESN’T HAVE TO RUN FOR ELECTION AGAIN?

Why all this “save Social Security” nonsense when it is solvent for the next 30 years? Why all this “entitlement reform” bullshit when Social Security has nothing to do with the budget? For that, we have to go back eight years (and actually more) to when President BUSH proposed “privatizing Social Security.” That’s right, this one has a long history–and the reason for privatizing SS was? So the money boys, the banks, the oligarchy, the plutocracy, could get their hands on that money and drain it from our senior citizens faster than any drug addict by stealing your Grandma’s Social Security check.

But wait–how does the chained CPI do THAT? Remember back then–the seniors, the AARP, everybody and their brother decided that the cost-of-living adjustment (COLA) was good enough to keep them going so please do not do us the favor of letting us make bad investments, please. So the money boys–whom Barack Obama is as beholden to as any Republican, any blue dog Democrat, hell, almost every “progressive” Democrat as well–said to themselves, “If the COLA is good enough, then let’s screw the COLA. Then they’ll be clamoring to let us invest the money for them.”

And that, kiddies, is how the sky turned blue. So remember, when Grandma, when Ma and Pa, when YOU start having to eat catfood, it wasn’t just Congress, it wasn’t just Obama…

It was the banks, too big to fail, too big to jail, who wanted your money.

“Allons enfants de la Patrie, le jour de gloire est arrivé!”

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An Anniversary Nobody Really Cheered About

Well, at least we kept Peoria from being nuked by Saddam Hussein...

Please Note: the Anniversary Cake is Yellow

Last week, we saw the passing of the 10th Anniversary of the Iraq war—ooops, excuse me, Congress never declared war, so, ummmm, what do we call it?

When the airplanes struck the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, somewhere amid the horror of what I was seeing rose an additional realization, “Oh, my God, we’ve just had our Reichstag Fire.” I could see with horrifying clarity that this would be the defining moment that turned the United States from its democratic principles to something totally antithetical to the dreams of our nation’s Fathers. We have resisted the impulse of creating concentration camps for Moslems–we incarcerated many, but mostly exiled them for visa transgressions. We have created gulags where we gathered a mostly hapless group of alleged terrorists whose major crime seems to have been being in the wrong place at the wrong time when the wrong person wanted to collect a reward. We HAVE built massive PRISONS, but these are privately run camps to provide slave labor and corporate profit and anyone can enter. We passed the grossly obscene “Patriot” act through which almost any crime can be considered to be an act of terrorism–when the need arises.

Our incursion into Afghanistan almost looked legitimate. We claimed the head of, what was his name, Osama bin Laden? Yes, he was there, later on he claimed credit for “9/11″, which our government was already doing within minutes of the tower falls–since it had pointedly ignored the warnings from the intelligence community of terrorist actions inside the US. He was there, but the Taliban government had the nerve to ask for evidence before they would consider handing him over. So like a western posse, we went in and cleaned up the corruption in Rock Ridge and hunted down bin Laden until we were just yards from his hiding place in the mountains when…

Wait, what? The real danger is from Iraq? The country which had been under UN sanctions for a decade? Whose dictator, Saddam Hussein, couldn’t even afford to buy shoes for his army? HE had weapons of mass destruction? Yes, we had the ominous YELLOW CAKE requests–which turned out to be forgeries. We had George Bush and Tony Blair smirking their way into war. We had Dick Cheney and Condi Rice promising us mushroom clouds of doom if nothing was done immediately. We had a mountain of evidence that Colin Powell presented at the UN. I remember listening to him and being absolutely convinced by the man’s sense of sincerity… until the next morning, when I realized that all that evidence had no context. That if you believed it was something bad it was, but those conversations about hiding things could have just as easily been hiding the porn when the inspectors arrived.

And so we went off and destroyed a country within weeks. Killed several thousand Americans and maimed 10s of thousands. Killed 100s of thousands Iraqis and destroyed the infrastructure of the country. Wasted around two trillion dollars (when asked about the loss of a trillion dollars from the Pentagon budgets, Donald Rumsfeld remarked, “I’ll have to look into that,” and didn’t) which the Tea Party is now trying to collect from the poorest among us. For which sinful errors of judgment or outright acts of war-mongering for profit no one has been held accountable.

Many of us felt powerless to do anything to stop it. Only after the deed was done did I decide that I could do a political cartoon series against these criminals. I was scared too–protesting the war COULD have been considered an act of terrorism according to the Patriot Act.

HAPPY F$%^&*G ANNIVERSARY.

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Drone Wars Theme Song–The Road to Dystopia!

Parody version of Road to Morocco about the use of drones

With apologies to Bob and Bing...

Okay, guys, time to prove just HOW OLD I AM again:

THE ROAD TO DYSTOPIA
To the tune of “The Road to Morocco”. Dystopia is pronounced Dis-TOPE-ya for the purposes of the song.
For those of you who are too young to have ever heard it, watch this Youtube video to get the tune:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_w3UG6C_Mo

We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
Pushbuttons do not hurt our spines!
Where they’re goin’, where we’re goin’, how can we be sure?
Just keep on believing that our motives aren’t impure!

We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
Watch out! There’s no end to the line!
I hear our target’s where they do the dance of the seven veils,
They won’t be doing it too long with rockets on their tails!

We certainly do get around!
Like endless wars in Orwell,
We’re Dystopia Bound!

We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
Look out! Well, clear the way, ‘cuz HERE WE COME!
As long as they’re shot over there, we haven’t any cares!
We hope our next-door neighbors don’t say five-fold daily prayers!

We’re off on the Road to Dystopia!
Thinking just makes us go numb!
They told us they would never shoot them off on US soil.
Our government would never sell us second-rate SNAKE OIL!

We certainly do get around!
Like a Jimmy Cameron movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, we’re Dystopia Bound.
Or a comic book by Alan Moore that’s made into a superbudget movie that gets everybody wearing Guy Fawkes masks,
WE’RE DYSTOPIA BOUND!

No cartoon next Monday because *drumroll* this coming weekend I will be in Artist Alley at Katsucon 19, at the Gaylord in National Harbor, MD, so if you’re there, stop by and say hi–and perhaps buy a signed print or two. For those of you who CAN’T make it, go over to my Facebook fanpage and click on the LIKE button to get updates on this blog and on my other art that’s available at the conventions.

See you then. Intravenous Caffeine will be back in two weeks.

YESYESYES–I admit it–I was lipsyncing!!!

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