Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Marshmallows, anyone?

We'll show them Muslims they can't hate our freedom!

We'll show them Muslims they can't hate our freedom!

Once again, the anniversary of 9/11 is upon us and once again, it’s time for good old-fashioned idiocy to commemorate it. Leaving aside the fact that we have fought two wars against two countries that had nothing to do with it, the American thing to do is to blame an entire religion for the acts of 19 lunatics. After all, Islam isn’t a real religion, it’s just some whacko death cult, isn’t it?

So some asshole preacher, Terry Jones, has decided that the best way to honor the lives of the unwitting martyrs of 9/11 who died because all Moslems hate our freedoms is to use that freedom to hold a good old-fashioned book-burning of the Moslem holy book. Yessireebob, we’re gonna practice our freedom of speech by kicking freedom of religion down the crapper. After all, freedom of religion means you have the right to worship Jesus in any way you want–even Catholics! Joseph Goebbels would have approved!

On the other hand, it’s the first time both the Tea Partiers and Afghans have united in calling for President Obama’s demise. Now that is truly a hands-across-the-aisle moment!

Well, it seems that General Petraeus thinks that holding this wiener roast MAY actually hurt our chances of success in those wars which we won BUT ARE STILL GOING ON. How DARE he disrespect our troops in this way! Let’s all show our troops respect by showing our contempt not just for our enemies, but for any friends we might have had in the Middle East. Because we’re fighting a mighty Crusade to rid the world of Mohammedans and rebuild the Temple so the world can end in a fiery blaze of Glory. HALLELUJAH!

Or something like that.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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Compromise Position: You can go to the prom, just don’t dance…

See what holding hands and rock'n'roll can lead to?

See what holding hands and rock'n'roll can lead to?

The thing about authoritarian types is that they usually don’t have any good reasons for the things they tell you to do or not to do, they just want to screw around with your life and make you hop to their commandments. Does it say anywhere in the Bible that dancing is evil? I quote from “Vertical Thought”: “The Bible doesn’t forbid dancing when it’s done properly. Psalms 149:3 and 150:4 speak of praising God with dance. Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is a time to dance, and 2 Samuel 6:14 tells us that King David danced when the ark was being brought into the city.” Ummm, excuse me, I don’t see the word “properly” anywhere there. I see that three of the instances were connected with God, but Ecclesiastes just mentions “a time to dance”. And that sure as heck doesn’t imply that you have to be praising God in order to dance or else it’s Eeeeeevillllllllllllll.
So anyway, some poor schmuck, Tyler Frost, out in Ohio got stuck in a fundie school by his parents and when it came time for his girlfriend’s senior prom, he got told by the principal, Tim England, that if he attended it, he’d be suspended so that he couldn’t take his final exams and therefore couldn’t graduate Ohio Christian school tells student to skip prom. After all, the school has rules against dancing, listening to rock music and holding hands. “Are you going to live your life to please God or DISPLEASE HIM AND BE DAMNED FOR ALL ETERNITY.” The article doesn’t mention any rules against having sex, btw. Presumably if you don’t hold hands, dance or listen to rock, the thought won’t enter your head. I’m sure the Bible doesn’t mention not listening to rock music since it wasn’t invented back when Moses wrote Leviticus and Deuteronomy, or maybe it’s implied by Moses striking the rock twice (he didn’t hear the water running the first time) and being punished for it… As for holding hands, considering the list of sexual practices that the Bible DID prohibit, perhaps Moses thought it was a little low on the importance scale.
The key to it all is the necessity to bow to authority: “The handbook for the 84-student Christian school says rock music ‘is part of the counterculture which seeks to implant seeds of rebellion in young people’s hearts and minds.’” Rebellious young hearts and minds have only one thing to rebel against–old farts who insist that you obey them unquestioningly. The kid’s stepfather thinks that the school should not have authority outside of school, as, in fact, the courts have decided on other issues. If I were the stepfather, I’d throw in the Ecclesiastes reference and ask them why dancing is wrong if the Bible itself says that there is a time to dance. And sue their asses.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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