Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Santorum: A Frothy Mix of Bad Theology and Worse Economics…

The Eight Beatitudes of Rick Sanctorum

Jesus would no doubt approve of Rick's updating of his message.

Since Rick Santorum thinks that the United States is a theocracy instead of a democracy and that President Obama is unqualified to lead it because he has the wrong “theology,” we thought it would be instructive to review the Eight Beatitudes of the Sermon on the Mount, as re-written according to RICK’S theology. Further, we wish to start a fund to send Rick a lifetime supply of ipecac to aid in his digestive problem since the constitutional separation of church and state seems to make him ill. We’ll all need some if he manages to foist his theology on us…

Blessed are the uneducated, for you can’t wash an unused brain.
Blessed are the blah people, for they won’t get food stamps (I didn’t say black!).
Blessed are the rich, for they shall have even more money than you do.
Blessed are the K Street lobbyists, for they shall get what they paid for.
Blessed are the women who have been raped, for they are bearing a special gift from God.
Blessed are the gays, for I’m going to get back at them for that frothy crack. (Umm, did I say that right?)
Blessed are the impoverished sick, for that’s all the help they’ll get from me.
Blessed are the soldiers, for they will soon be spreading Christianity in Iran.

A special thanks to Fred and Bert Squirrel, who recorded his blathering while gathering some … nuts.

I had a great time at Katsucon last weekend. Thanks to Kevin who helped me at the table (after my adventures in oral surgery the week before, I really wasn’t up to running an artist alley table all by my lonesome) and to Kristen who also pitched in at some crucial moments. A further thanks to everyone who stopped by my table and admired my art–with a double helping for those who actually bought something :) And shouts to all the friends I saw, Murder Nurse, T, Tala, Charlene, Jasmine, Alicia, Peter and all my other friends who have their own tables! I’ll be posting my con schedule for the rest of the year as soon as I get a few more confirmations.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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INTRODUCING CAPTAIN TEABAG: SUPERCONGRESSMAN!

The new tea party candidates may find the task they've set themselves harder than they think.

Fighting for Fox News, no taxes ... and the American Way.

INTRODUCING: Captain Teabag! Newly elected to Congress, he plans to go to that den of iniquity, Washington DC, and turn it back to the truth of God and the US Constitution. Social programs? EVIL–they’re Social-IST! I’d never accept a penny from any one of them–not me! Maybe my lazy brother-in-law … and my cousins. And a few aunts and uncles. But not me–so WE don’t need them. Forget that one for all and all for one crap. Doesn’t the Bible say an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Well, I’m for myself!

And how do they pay for all these communist plots? All these unconstitutional TAXES. Tell me–where does it say that the government can COLLECT taxes? It says CONGRESS can LEVY taxes, nothing about collecting them. And it doesn’t say “INCOME taxes”. I’m gonna abolish taxes, abolish unemployment payments, abolish Obamacare. And that’s just on the FIRST day I’m in office!

Oh, and impeach the Kenyan.

BUT, we need to spend even more on Defense! All them Muslims are all out to attack us. We need to be more than ready to take care of them, we need to bring the fight over there. Let’s nuke Iran before they nuke us. And bring on the lobbyists so I know what to vote for.

My door will always be open to K Street.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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