Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Special Post: Wank–errr–Working at the SEC

A bunch of SEC officers singing

How the SEC regulated business since the Internet

I couldn’t let this go without celebrating this piece of news with a song!

Wanking while you work!
Give yourself a jerk!
At the office all day long,
Oh, what an awesome perk!

Get a hummer at the poon!
Wet your whistle really soon!
And download to the stack
of DVDs that fill the room!

Gaze upon her twat!
What’s on your hand ain’t snot!
Remember to back up a bit
so your keyboard will not be hit!

Here at the SEC,
our work is so easy!

Just stamp approved on everything–do not examine anything!

And don’t allow a single thing to sway you from not doing a thing!

So in the crapper the economy fling!

When WANKING WHILE YOU WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKK!

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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Mark Sanford: Happy Father’s Day from Argentina

Mark Sanford, crying in Argentina, and singing about his woes as Madonna cries NO! in the background

Mark Sanford could only remember the music to the chorus

Mark Sanford, governor of South Carolina, admitted to an affair with a woman named Maria in Argentina. While most Republicans sighed with relief that it wasn’t with a boy and Fox News turned him into a Democrat, it seems there was a slight glitch during televised coverage of his news conference. Here’s the missing material:

Sanford: I’ve spent the last five days crying in Argentina.

Reporter: Crying in Argentina? Why, that sounds like a song!

Sanford: I’m crying in Argentina
The truth is I’m going to leave ya!
Despite our wild days, I’m going packing–
My commitment’s completely lacking!

I’m hiking in Appalachia
But NO! I’m in Argentina.
I was not hiking, nor was I biking–
What I was doing is my undoing!

I’m screwing in Argentina
One last time before I leave ya!
My boys had plans for the day of Fathers,
they’re disappointed, I can’t be bothered.

Because of you Argentina,
My critics laugh just like hyenas,
I’ve lost my moral cre-e-dentials
There goes my campaign presidential.

It’s all about me Argentina
High and Dry is how I will leave ya!
My wife has found out, her whip she’s cracking,
I am just lucky no heat she’s packing!

Goodbye to you Argentina
I’m crying because I must leave ya
I must start bawling, cameras are rolling,
Reporters for my head are trolling!

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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Rockin’ Robin–tweet tweet tweet, Rockin’ Robin–tweet, twitter-y deet!

Rockin' Robin leads a conga line followed by Uncle Sam and all the senators and congressmen, holding their blackberries high and twittering like mad.

Rockin' Robin makes all of Congress a-Twitter.

He twitters in his office all day long,
Gettin’ all the lobbyists a-singin’ his song,
All the blackberries on old K Street,
Love to hear the congressmen tweet tweet tweet!

Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! tweet! tweet!)
Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! twitter-y deet!)
Oh Rockin’ Robin, you’re tweetin’ on camera tonight!

 
Every little swallow by every chippee,
Every little bird in old DC,
From Senator Byrd to Mike Crapo
Tweetin’ on their keyboards, go man, go!

Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! tweet! tweet!)
Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! twitter-y deet!)
Oh Rockin’ Robin, be sure not to screw up tonight!

 
A wordy representative started this romance,
Tweetin’ what he’d have for lunch in advance,
He tweeted his votes and he tweeted his goals,
He tweeted who he thought were just big assholes!

Now he never hears a word from any debates, he’s already tweeted what he loves and he hates,
He twitters at night and he twitters in bed–He twittertwittertwitters when he’s getting some head!

Rockin’ Robin! (tweet! tweet! tweet!), Rockin’ Robin! (tweet!twitter-y deet!)
Oh Rockin’ Robin, you really screwed the pooch up tonight!

With apologies to Bobby Day :)

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
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