Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Responding to Botched Terrorism: I Can Shake My Fist Louder Than You Can

The true American response to botched terrorism--thow away the Constitution!

First Responders In Action

With the world reeling from President Obama’s surprise announcement of Supreme Court Justice–his old friend from Harvard and the U of Chicago Law School, Elena Kagan–you know, the one who’s never sat on the bench? I mean seriously, who announces something like this on Sunday night–you’re supposed to do it at 4:00 Friday afternoon!

I still have to weigh in on the idiotic and unconstitutional Arizona law requiring cops to get ID from anyone they suspect is an illegal immigrant without racial profiling–HEY, all you guys in front of the Home Depot, get out your birth certificates! Vere are your papers! Ach, so, Mr. McCain-o, you were born in Panama, eh, John? or should I call you Juan!

Now, let’s turn to the response to the botched bomb in Times Square. I know, I know, so last week! The would be terroist, Faisal Shahzad–such a loser, not only did he botch the bomb, but he botched the bomb after botching the run-through and then he botched his getaway!–is actually an American citizen. Well, again the Constitution has become a worthless piece of paper–except for the Second Amendment, we can’t have a no-gun-buying list because that would infringe upon the rights of REAL Americans (according to Lindsey Graham). There has been so much fist-shaking (or as one commentator mentioned, “length” comparing) about ignoring Miranda rights for terrorists, stripping them of their citizenship, throwing them against a wall and shooting them, you’d think we were in some bizarro US. Or a 1984 world where Big Brother is some mythical real American, played by Bruce Willis or Kiefer Sutherland! Imagine, Glenn Beck being the voice of reason! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Let’s zip up our flies, gentlemen. the US court system can handle these kind of things without any help from the paranoid fist-shakers. If it can’t convict terrorists caught practically red-handed and we have to throw away our freedoms, heaven help us, the grand experiment turned out to be a failure.

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Happy New Year … it should be better than the Old one?

Sexbot actual purpose: conversation--'We need to talk. Sometimes I feel you don't respect me as a person...'

When she decides they need time apart, her programming says, "Don't be upset, it's not you--it's me"

Happy New Year–Happy New Decade! Good Riddance to the Old one(s)! What a pile of manure the new century has turned out to be so far (as Bess Truman said to the people who complained about Harry saying “you need some ‘manure’ on these roses”, “What? It took me 25 years to get him to say THAT!”) Let’s start things off right with a really funny but hard-hitting cartoon. What’s been happening?
Hmmm, we’re still talking about the airliner bomb FAIL, the security FAIL and the “no intention of invading–I mean, sending troops to Yemen” (I hope) not-yet FAIL. That’s two weeks old and I posted an oldie-but-goodie over Christmas to cover it. Timmy Geithner and his magic “shhhh-let’s keep this a secret” emails? Not funny enough, that can wait for Thursday. Health Care? SOOoooo last year! Besides they’re hashing it out behind closed doors, contra Obama’s promise that it will be televised on C-SPAN. Transparency is becoming more opaque every day. What else?
All righty then, let’s check and see if Lindsay Lohan is having a meltdown. Oh wow, Lindsay had to fly–COMMERCIAL! How sad. Casey Johnson died–who was she again? Some rich heiress who was Tila Tequila’s ‘wifey’? Whose biggest claim to fame previously was turning down Paris Hilton’s offer to start a TV program called “The Simple Life”? And who’s Tila Tequila again? Let’s call this one too sad for SO MANY reasons and decide not to start off the new decade with such a bummer!
AH-HAH! I have it–someone’s exhibiting a sexbot at the Vegas Adult Entertainment Expo! Now there’s something you could get your teeth into! errrrrrr… Oh, she’s not REALLY a sexbot. Inventor Douglas Hines says “The sex robot thing is marketing – it’s really about making a companion.” Um-hum…sure. Well, not in its present state, she can’t even walk yet–has to be carted around in a wheel chair so far. And she kind of has the expression of the girl in the bar who’s had one too many when you passed that marker two hours ago. Actually from her rather limited set of capabilities, she looks like a “stripped-down” version of Aiko, the “not a sex bot” gynoid that Le Trung is making up in Canada. Although designed to eventually service as a maid, (Everybody ought to have a maid…) Aiko’s name is actually a Japanese word meaning “love child,” and she looks a heckuva lot more sophisticated than Roxxxy, the new robot, tho not as realistic as the computer generated photos from RealDolls (bet the real dolls don’t look half as good), life-sized dolls that are actually SUPPOSED to be sexbots. Oh, brave new world…
Anyway, since Roxxxy is actually supposed to have conversations like a real woman, I thought I’d give my take on one of the many discussions that might come up. Happy New Year :)

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Airline Security–A Prediction from 2006

Boarding a flight 2010--making sure all coach passengers strip down, check their clothes and submit to a cavity search before boarding

Naturally, first- and business classes will not be subjected to these new restrictions since terrorists only fly coach

Although I’m taking a much needed break, I could not help but reprint an old Hail Dubyus! number from 2006 which is suddenly again relevant. Airline passengers are again going to be made to suffer for the incompetence of airline and government security. There’s this guy, Umar Faruk Abdulmutallab…his father, Alhaji Umaru Mutallab, chairman of the First Bank of Nigeria, tells US that his son is an idiot and planning a suicide attack on an American flight. What happens? They let the guy ON THE PLANE. With the chemicals they were supposed to be screening for! Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says the system worked! Then she backtracked when it became apparent to her that if some brave soul, Jasper Schuringa, hadn’t tackled the guy, there would’ve been a puff of smoke where American Airlines Flight 253 used to be. Because we can’t match terrorists to the stupid watch list! And who’s going to pay for this incompetency? Why you and me, because they’re going to make boarding a plane so onerous with so many useless security procedures that only terrorists will want to fly! Oh and CEOs, bankers, and celebrities–they won’t have to get searched. Why would they want to blow up a plane–like the son of the chairman of the First Bank of Nigeria? Get on board, son, we know YOU won’t do anything!
Happy New Year Everyone!

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Crashing the White House dinner–hey, they liked what was on the menu

While at the Obama's, a family breaks from the tour to have lunch with the President....

A White House tour brings unexpected guests for lunch...

Thanksgiving is over, but that isn’t the end of the turkeys. Time now for the turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey croquettes and the Secret Turkey Service. Ooops, what’s that? As everyone has heard by now, since it’s been the only entertaining thing in the news all weekend, two Virginia socialites, Michele and Tareq Salahi, snuck into last Tuesday night’s state dinner at the Obama’s for the Prime Minister of India. President Obama, who like all executives, has no idea who has been invited to these things, has been seen in a photograph chatting up the rather pretty Mrs. Salahi, and having grip-and-grin moments with both. Quite a number of people were photographed with the charming Mrs. Salahi–including Joe Biden, with his arm around her and a spit-eating grin (remember what the Vice-Presidency didn’t use to be worth–spit wasn’t the word in that either) from one red earlobe to the next.
Now, the Salahi’s, who are trying to get on “The Real Housewives of DC”, claim that they were invited and according to their lawyer had been cleared by the White House. Which of course is very strange since neither of their names appeared on the official guest list nor the Secret Service printout of attendees. They seem to have just wandered on down to Pennsylvania Avenue…drove through the gates and PARKED…and went on in without anybody noticing that they weren’t supposed to be there. It seems new procedures at the White House don’t include checking the guest list as people arrive–a stark contrast to the Bush White House, where everyone was not only checked and photographed, but were passed through a metal detector and X-ray machine and had their shoes inspected. And that was when Cheney WASN’T there!
Now this is all great fun–except for the Secret Service, which has been making noises about charging the Salahi’s with something, as soon as they can make up a charge that doesn’t make them look like idiots–and except for White House social secretary Desiree Rogers who was observed the next day mailing out a stack of resumes. Former Bush social secretary Cathy Hargraves said this would never have happened on HER watch, several Senators and Congressmen have been grandstanding about pressing charges and opening an extensive investigation into the social office’s procedures. I’m thinking there should be some kind of inquiry, but what I am wondering about is how the Secret Service didn’t insist on vetting every visitor to the White House in a time when threats against the President are 400% higher than against every other President of recent years. You’d think somebody might have suggested verifying guests against the guest list. I guess nobody thought that a man wearing a tuxedo or a woman wearing a gown could ever be carrying a concealed weapon–I guess nobody in the Secret Service has ever watched a James Bond movie either. It’s the dress for success look. Right now, Osama bin Laden is funneling moneys to terrorist cells to get their members tailor-made suits–best way to get past security!
Right now, the Salahi’s are asking half a million dollars for their exclusive story. Half a million? Pikers! If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a cut-rate parasite. Hell, if I’d known about this situation sooner, I’d have been down to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue MONTHS ago and you can believe I’d be asking for a million!
And legal expenses.

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Did he really think that this would make God happy?

 

If I wasn't happy about dens of thieves, don't you think slaughterhouses might not be high on my list, either?

If I wasn't happy about dens of thieves, don't you think slaughterhouses might not be high on my list, either?

One day, Jesus walked into the temple and saw its courtyard teeming with moneychangers, moneylenders and other parasites. So he picked up a cord and knotted it and began whipping their collective asses until they skedaddled and said, “My house is a house of prayer but you have made it a den of thieves.” Jesus was pissed off. And that was just from people doing straightforward, legitimate business–it was just that it was the wrong place to be doing straightforward legitimate business. So now we have this fanatic who decides, oh, it will make God really happy if I kill someone right in a church. Please note, I’m not saying what the issue is here, because the issue doesn’t really matter and just gets in the way. You don’t kill someone who you disagree with because it’s wrong and you don’t kill them in a church. That’s called sacrilege.
A lot of news sources have been muddying the issue by calling the murder of Dr. George Tiller an execution. You execute someone for doing something BAD. Whether you’re the government executing a killer or a mobster killing a doublecrosser. But when you pull out a gun and shoot someone unsuspecting in the middle of Sunday services, you’re not “executing” anyone. To call this an execution legitimizes the murderer’s point of view. Let’s call a spade a spade: You’re assassinating him. You’re performing an act of terrorism. You’re saying, this doctor performed abortions, this is a warning to all other doctors that this will happen to you also if you perform abortions. You’re saying that you have the right to decide who lives and dies, the very same thing you have accused the man you killed of.
There are many, like Bill O’Reilly (O’Reilly’s campaign against murdered doctor) who called Tiller a “nazi”, “baby killer”, nicknamed him “Tiller the baby killer” who are now going to turn around and condemn the schmuck who pulled the trigger without considering that it was their rhetoric that loaded the gun. Or Randall Terry, who seems more upset with the fact that President Obama decried a CRIME than about the fact that a crime had been committed. Self-righteously intoning that he is sorry that the victim didn’t have time to repent. How is that any different from supporting terrorism? If the killer had been a member of al-Qaeda, I’m sure he would have no problem condemning the action. And that’s what I’m saying, don’t approve of something your friend does that you would condemn if your enemy did it. After all, aren’t you supposed to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?”
No, this isn’t a very funny cartoon today.

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