Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Unscheduled day off due to Dental Problems

BB next week. Ouchies.

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Next–Debtor Prisons for Christmas?

Ah--the 53% speak--don't pay any attention to the guy with his hand up their...

Ah--the 53% speak--don't pay any attention to the guy with his hand up their...

Normally, I’d devote today’s cartoon to a Hallowe’en theme, but frankly, I’m not in the mood. I’ve just had another disastrous car repair bill–on top of more bills, bills, bills than you can shake a stick at. The car’s still at the shop–so I haven’t bought a pumpkin to carve. And yesterday, I managed to lose $50 … in the HOUSE. For the next 12 hours, I couldn’t find it and when I did, it was sitting right out in the open on the bed, where it was conveniently camouflaged by matching the colors on the bedspread. So instead, that gave me plenty of time to read about the latest Republican IDIOCY that they’re hoping will make sense to the yahoos.

The 53%. Ahhh, catchy name! That should make everyone forget about the 99%ers all right. Seems they now want everyone to get mad at all those people who don’t pay ANY income taxes. No, not the huge corporations and multi-billionaires who get REBATES from the government. They want you to get mad at the people who don’t pay any taxes BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE A JOB! Or who have one that pays just enough to make KETCHUP PACKET SOUP! How unfair! The Freeloaders! Make them pony up! Yes, sir! That will solve our deficit problem! This latest piece of lunacy is right up there with “Cutting Taxes Raises Revenues” and “Cutting Spending Creates Jobs.”

Now, please, I’m not blaming the 1% for not paying enough taxes. They’re paying what we tell them to. And a lot of the 1 percenters know damn well they’re not being taxed enough and ought to be asked to contribute more. But we’re not going to do it, not as long as there is an obstructing minority who believe that Scrooge’s ideas of how to treat the poor in the first few pages of A Christmas Carol are a F@#$%^& GOOD IDEA! Debtor Prisons! Workhouses for the Destitute! Let’s grind them down with our heels because they deserve it for not having the gumption to inherit their money like we did!

These people claim to love America. They just don’t like AMERICANS. Americans ought to be another exploitable resource and if they want jobs, they ought to be competitive with the Indians and Chinese who we can get to work for pennies a day.

So you see, I’m not really in the Hallowe’en spirit. But I’m getting closer and closer to the Guy Fawkes one. Hey, it’s better than Michael Myers :D

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Here We Go Again

The Republicans hold the US Government hostage ... again.

Battered Wife Held Captive By Abusive Husband--Oops, I meant, Disaster Relief held hostage by Eric Cantor

Didn’t we just avert a government shutdown a few months ago? Weren’t we told that the compromises that were reached would prevent threats of government shutdowns for the near future? WTF? Now Eric Cantor is once again holding the US hostage to Tea Party economics by holding Disaster Funds–you know, relief funds to help bail out victims of … I don’t know… disasters?–unless cuts are made to FEMA–you know, the Federal Emergency Management Agency–the guys who help out with … disasters? And if they don’t get their way, BOOM, let’s shut down the government.

I’m sick and tired of this bullying and blackmail by a goddamned mentally challenged minority. Led by the empathy challenged Cantor from–I hate to admit it–MY state! You know what psychologists call someone who lacks the capacity for empathy? A sociopath! It’s official. The US government is being controlled by sociopaths–not the ones that the Tea Party is so convinced are leading us into tyranny–but the sociopaths in the tricorn hats themselves! WOOHOO! Hey, maybe we can get Moody’s to downrate us THIS time! Because if we threaten to shut down the government every two months, maybe we SHOULD get–A “B” rating!

Now, in a situation comedy world, the best way to handle a bully is to stand up to him. HAH! not gonna work here in reality-land. The only argument that Cantor could possibly understand would be a punch in his proboscis. I’d offer a reward for it–IF the poor schmuck who did it wasn’t going to be charged with TERRORISM and thrown in some black hole awaiting rendition to Uzbekhistan. No, the person who smacks Cantor in the nose has to be another Congressman or a Senator–I vote for Nancy Pelosi because I sure as hell couldn’t depend on Harry Reid for a good right cross.

Madame Minority Leader–please punch that asshole in his nose!

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Returned from InterventionCon

And man, am I tired. I’ll be posting tomorrow when I can do a cartoon about recent events, perhaps CNN’s Miss Republican Contest of last week, and give some shoutouts to my friends from the con. See you then.

BETTER MAKE THAT WEDNESDAY. I neglected to take into account the migraine that came today.

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The Undeserving Poor–That’s Right, You and Me

Orrin Hatch is late for the tea party...

Orrin Hatch is late for the tea party...

Last weekend, we hit the 235th birthday of our country. July the 2nd. Not July the 4th. July the 2nd was when the Congress voted to accept the Declaration of Independence from Great Britain. July the 4th was when they skipped town because the darn thing was being printed in the Philadelphia newspapers. And man, if you thought the British were coming when Paul Revere made his famous ride, as Sarah Palin recently revealed to us, to warn the British that the British were coming, boy, you could imagine the British were coming NOW.

In any case, after 235 years of this noble experiment in the belief that “all men are created equal” (except slaves which were only 60% equal), we have finally accepted the proposition that some people are more equal than others. It all depends on how much money you have. After all, corporations have been considered persons since the end of the 19th century. And now, the Roberts court has decided that corporations should not have any limit on what they will contribute to election campaigns because that would limit their free speech. Therefore, it stands to reason that corporations ought to have more rights than ordinary mortals. After all, they pay more taxes, don’t they?

And that’s the beautiful truth of these United States in the 21st century. “You GET what you PAY for.” Stirring words! My coffee dissolves sugar just thinking about them! Not only corporations, but rich individuals as well. Not only can they incorporate themselves to avail themselves of the enormous benefit of buying senators, congressmen, supreme court justices, and, dare I say, Presidents? But because they pay so much more in taxes than you or I, they deserve better attention from the government.

Let us ignore the fact that most of the biggest corporations are multi-national and hide their profits off-shore so that they have no obligation to pay federal taxes. Or that CEOs usually pay less in taxes than their secretaries because so much of their pay is actually capital gains. You get what you pay for! And believe me, someone who makes tens of millions of dollars a year can pay for a whole lot more than you or I can.

Which makes us, like Alfred Doolittle, part of the Undeserving Poor. As Orrin Hatch said, like Doolittle, we don’t do our share. And yet, we expect things like being paid the Social Security benefits–THAT WE PAID FOR. We expect the Medicare and Medicaid that our tax dollars have paid into. So, now that President Obama is preparing to throw these under the bus (and we shall see how far in the next few weeks) to get the Republicans to agree to raise the debt ceiling–which they won’t unless he throws it far enough AND without any tax increase to the deserving rich.

We have no one to blame but ourselves because we just haven’t done our fair share. Simple economics.

Long live the best democracy money can buy. Now excuse me, I have to follow that White Rabbit to the Tea Party.

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