Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

If you did that in Britain, Rupert, what the hell did you do here?

You're going to take the fall...

You're going to take the fall...

“All right, Rebekah, the police will be here in a minute. You were the one who authorized the cellphone hacking. The dead soldiers in Iraq, the 9-11 victims, that kid whose parents were made to believe she was still alive so we could stretch out the story longer.”

“Rupert, yes, I did all those things, but I did it for YOU.”

“You took advantage of my friendship with all the bigwigs in government and paid off the police.”

“But only on your behalf.”

“And with my blessing–like they did in America and Australia–but no one will ever know that.”

“Rupert, what are you saying?”

“You’re going to take the fall.”

She looked at him in disbelief. Then shook her head, as if trying to shake the idea from her brain.

“Oh, Rupert, you do such wild and crazy things. For a moment, I thought you were serious. Don’t kid with me, Rupert, not about that.”

“Don’t let my reputation as a sleazoid fool you. That kind of reputation helps me deal with the enemy… the REAL newspapers, the gutless ones who oppose MY way of thinking!”

Then she said as the realization broke upon her that he was telling the truth.

“You don’t love me! You were playing with me. You never loved me!”

“You’re going to take the fall.”

The Maltese Cellphone

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Here a Mosque, There a Mosque, Everywhere a Mosque Mosque

Obama plays Hamlet, the man who could not make up his mind...about anything!

Speak the speech, I pray you, tripping over your tongue...

So a moderate Moslem cleric wants to build a mosque and Islamic center. Where? Two blocks from “Ground Zero.” Why? Was this meant as some sort of insult to the victims of 9-11? No, he got a good deal on the property. He’ll be happy to build it someplace else, if a deal can be made.

The problem is that this has given all the yahoos something to scream about in a month when people should be hiding from the heat. Once again, it has become obvious that the so-called “War on Terror” was understood by all and sundry as some 21st century Crusade redux. Our enemy wasn’t al-Qaeda, the guys who actually carried out the deed, but all of Islam, which is why we attacked Afghanistan, letting al-Qaeda move a couple of miles into Pakistan, and then attacked Iraq, which had nothing to do with anything except we didn’t like Saddam Hussein’s moustache. And we’re still in both places, with Americans fronting the bill for two quagmires that have done nothing but drain our economy and are as much a reason for the Great Recession as the thieving banks were.

The banks aren’t terrorists. Unless you’ve gotten behind in your mortgage payments, or haven’t opted into overdraft insurance, at which point, you can’t answer your phone in the daylight hours without being attacked by some customer service rep. But all of Islam is, because we are bound and determined to hold a billion people guilty for the work of a handful of crazies. Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin, those paragons of bravery while someone else does the fighting, have been leading the charge. No Mosques at Ground Zero.

Our fearless leader, of course, has taken a principled stance. Anyone has the constitutional right to build anything anywhere in the United States–he said at a Ramadan dinner with an Islamic group. Then when he heard the howls from the hinterlands–you know, the people who were convinced that Saddam Hussein was going to nuke their local mall on 9-12–President Obama turned around and said he didn’t necessarily think it was a good idea. Despite Fox News having said he’d done the right thing and defended the Constitution. I guess if Fox News says you did something right, it’s best to assume you pulled the biggest boner in creation.

Well, I happen to believe both statements are right, but, for crying out loud, Barry, can’t you take a stance on anything that doesn’t have a picket fence poking a hole in your ass? I mean, you could’ve said both things at the same time, but no, first you had to play to one audience and then turn around and play to the opinion polls. Leaders lead, they aren’t lead. Not everything has a golden mean of compromise to be found.

I swear, one day, I’m gonna wake up to read the headline that Barry brokered a deal between God and Satan where Satan accepted a 50% cap on souls he reaped. With a proviso that the terms will not take effect until after 2016.

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