Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Democracy? Good luck with that, Egypt!

[irony]So glad we live in America where we don''t have to fight for equality.[/irony]

Don't you know that you can count me out/in?

So the Egyptians managed to throw that poor old man Mubarak out into the cold (figuratively speaking) and get themselves a can of whup-ass democracy? Well, thank God. Now we don’t have to watch all those shots of them shaking their fists in the public square on the teevee and get back to what matters most in America–looking for the jobs that we’ve sent abroad!

Democracy! Good luck with that, Egypt! We’ve had it here for over 200 years and people have gotten sick of it. Too much effort. I mean, there we had the most perfect Articles of Confederation that we made even more perfect in the Constitution and what happened? We had to fight a war 85 years later because some silly liberals thought we couldn’t own slaves! And then they went and said that women could vote just as intelligently as men! And just because the stock market slipped a few points and good business required a few layoffs, that Commie Roosevelt started regulating banks and the stock market and putting in “safety nets” for people who were just too lazy to pull on their bootstraps and get rich parents! Then along come that Kennedy and Johnson and we start talking about civil rights for black people–and brown people–and Spanish speaking people–and women–and now even ho-mo-sex-uals! Goddammit–pretty soon there won’t be anyone left to make fun of!

No, we’re tired of all that equality. Let’s turn the clock back to the original Constitution (minus all amendments but the second–after all, Ann Coulter thinks we need more jailed journalists). Thank God for Ronnie Reagan who boldly said to our oppressors, “Tear down these regulations, Mr. Roosevelt!” It’s taken 30 years, but by gum, Ronnie would be proud on his 100th birthday, if he were alive and not chewing on the bedlinens. We’re almost back to where we should be! With the rich running things and the poor on nice clean heating grates in the sidewalk. And the rest of us with the SuperBowl and Dancing with the Stars on, eating our meat and potatos–or at least fries and Taco Bell–with mom and dad working 3 jobs between them so Grandma doesn’t have to make her “Salmon and Ocean Whitefish Feast–F L A K E D–Casserole.” After all, we have a roof over our heads, at least for the next 90 days. Just don’t get sick, kids, we hear they’re starting Debtor’s Prisons and we can’t afford an emergency room visit.

As Justice John Roberts said, (and Clarence Thomas didn’t), “Plutocracy, here we come!”
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Note to ANIME FANS! I will be in Artist’s Alley at KATSUCON this weekend at the Gaylord at Washington Harbor, where I’ll be hawking Part One of my anime/manga parody, BLECCH! (Guess what manga/anime I’m lampooning!) Stop by and say hi, but if you can’t make it, check out its listing at Indy Planet. CU SOON!

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Joe Wilson: Firing Upon Fort Sumter

As he bleeds from a severed hand, a nurse tells a man that he looks Hispanic and thus she will have to check his birth certificate before the hospital can admit him for treatment.

Then they called Maria to clean up this mess...

Of course, the big news all last week was the “emotional outburst” of Joe Wilson, Republican congressman from South Carolina. Briefly, in defiance of congressional protocol, in defiance of military protocol (Joe Wilson is a retired Colonel in the National Guard), and in defiance of what his momma must have taught him was good manners (not that it seems to matter much these days), Joe interrupted President Obama’s speech on health care with the cry of “You Lie!” Besides calling into mind Invader Zim accusing earthling Dib of lying when Dib claims that Zim is…well, an alien invader, it also brings to mind the setting of the argument in that august show–a school playground. Wilson claimed that he was just so overwrought by emotion that the incident just sorta happened and has tried to get away with a private apology to Obama for a rather public insult.
Wilson’s account is disingenuous at best. It’s easier to see in his actions his own little version of General Beauregard opening fire on Fort Sumter, a direct opening salvo in the war against Obama. Joe, confused about the appropriateness of the town hall antics of the summer, fully expected the body of Republican Senators and Representatives to join in on calling Obama a liar and disrupt the speech completely in a chant of liar, liar, pants on fire. They didn’t, and Joe slunk away at the end of the speech, tail between his legs, calling the White House to offer a lame “I’m sowwy–I have kids in the service.” Whatever THAT has to do with it. But Joe’s tail didn’t stay between his legs for long! Not with Michele Malkin and Glenn Beck and the host of other rabblerousers calling him an American hero! Joe’s got his nuts back and he’s refusing to apologize to Congress for a censurable offence when he’s already apologized–in private–to the President. His heart must have leapt when he heard the Taxation Protesters echoing his accusation in chants of “Liar, Liar, pant on fire” this weekend.
Is it really about the prospect of illegally aliens getting free medical services under the still yet undefined Health Care plan? Especially when, as many observers have already pointed out, the proposed bills have language specifically excluding benefits to unofficial immigrants. Especially, as Donny Shaw pointed out on Open Congress, that Joe Wilson himself voted to reimburse hospitals for services rendered to uninsured illegal aliens back in 2003. Aaaaaahhhh, but that was under a REPUBLICAN Administration…with a white President.
I can’t help but think that this whole thing is part and parcel of some crazy-ass pipe dream that when some deluded “patriot” shoots Obama–as some of the crazies who’ve shown up with guns at the town hall meetings seem to be advocating (and many more secretly hoping for it)–he’ll be taken to the local hospital where HE WILL BE DENIED TREATMENT because he doesn’t have a valid HAWAIIAN BIRTH CERTIFICATE! Wouldn’t that be poetic justice for tryin’ to push Commie medicine down our throats and, at the same time, validate our paranoid fantasies? Then God will intervene and install Sarah Palin to her rightful place on the throne.
It’s getting dangerous to be sane.
(Personal note: a quick Hoppy Bird Day to JM ;) )

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