Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

Sarah Palin Refudiates Nothing In 140 Characters or Less

Sarah Palin--for her work in expanding the English language and works in the American haiku tradition of 140 characters--is enshrined as our Shakespeare.

Sarah Palin--Shakespeare of Our Times

How does she do it? Cal State–a cash strapped university–in troubled times–having problems meeting its own payroll–decides it has umpty-ump thousand dollars to pay a failed Vice Presidential candidate to mangle English syntax in front of potential donors. That’s right–75,000 dollars! It’s a beautiful day, Mister Rogers. I wish I’d run for Vice President too!

Presumably, it’s because the fatcats who write out checks for University sports want to hear the next President of the United States speak. What? President Palin? What am I THINKING? That Alaskan state trooper better watch his ass NOW! Hey, Russkies–I have you in my sites–from the ROSE GARDEN! Maybe those college administrators who invited her weren’t so crazy. After all, they raised 60K–no, now they claim it’s really 207K from the event! They must’ve hired someone from Lehman Brothers to do the accounting!

Sarah’s other workload, as we all know these days, is her work as a poetess in that American haiku form of poetry in 140 characters or less–the Tweet. Sarah is so gifted in this form, she twitters several hundred times each day. And we know it’s really her, no one else could come up with a word like “refudiate”. Except George Bush. Oh …. My …. GOD! GMTA Bill. GMTA George!

Sarah compared herself to Bill Shakespeare–that old dead white guy that used to write plays 800 years ago (Sarah isn’t sure how long ago it was–no one can understand the language he wrote in anymore). After all, he made up words when he wasn’t sure how to spell them either! I say Sarah is better than Willie! He took 14 lines a sonnet to express his thoughts. Sarah has that down to 140 characters!

I’m announcing right now that I’m a candidate for President in 2012. Let’s start those university fundraisers coming in.

Oh BTW, BP has capped the well. It may or may not be working. It may or may not have a leak. It may or may not need to come off again because it may or may not need to be put on straight. We may or may not have a Gulf of Mexico by 2020. And the guys who are helping with the clean-up? Their pay will be deducted from any money they’re entitled to from the 20 Billion Dollar kiss off.

And June was the hottest on record. Haven’t heard anyone talking about global warming fraud since the spring. But like the swallows at Capistrano–who missed their target this year–the deniers will be back next winter! HAPPY SUMMER!

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Mike Pence: I’m not against science, but everywhere I look, the earth is flat…

Chris Matthews ponders supplying a chuckbucket the next time Mike Pence is on...

Chris Matthews ponders supplying a chuckbucket the next time Mike Pence is on...

Rep. Mike Pence (R-Indiana) was certainly a busy little beaver the other day. Pence, who made news back in January by trying to say “that’s wrong” to Rush Limbaugh about hoping Pres. Obama would fail at the same time he was kissing the dittohead leader’s ass GOP Leader Pushes Back Against Limbaugh Line. First he appeared on the Morning Joe to flog the GOP claim that the Green Jobs bill will cost every taxpayer $3100 in added energy costs, an erroneous oversimplification at best (remember how they flogged their tax cuts by claiming the average savings per taxpayer would be a handsome amount which the “average taxpayer” didn’t even come close to realizing?–those huge tax cuts to the wealthy sure raised the “average savings” quite a bit :) ) or, more probably, yet another weasely prevarication to get people to vote against their own interests. After Brad Johnson had pointedly questioned the source of his figures, Mr. Pence went on yet another show, hosted by Andrea Mitchell, to flog the same figures. Rep. Pence Caught Lying About Green Jobs Bill and Mike Pence Uses Bogus Numbers To Raise “Tax Hike” Alarm (VIDEO). Finally, he showed up on Chris Matthews’ HARDBALL, where he claimed to believe in the “scientific method,” but distrusted it when it came to global warming, and would only say that God created the heavens and the earth when Matthews asked if he believed in evolution. “Asked about teaching evolution, Pence suggested schools should cover ‘all these controversial areas’ and let the children decide. Matthews concluded, ‘I think you believe in evolution, but you’re afraid to say so because your conservative constituency might find that offensive.’” Oh great, let’s have 10-year-olds decide whether or not to believe in the scientifically demonstrable so Mike Pence can straddle the fence. What an asshole.

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