Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

It’s TOASTY!

Yeah–MY summer recess. It seems I’ve never really caught up on things from the winter and projects have been lying around, waiting to be done. So I looked ahead and saw on the horizon: Congressional recess and the two most BORING conventions anyone can imagine. So the hell with it. I’m going on break until September 10 so I can finish all the stuff that needs being done.

But to leave you with something: It seems Microsoft, after the stellar success of its original tablet and the iPod killer, the Zune, is about to enter the Hardware Wars with another tablet, thinking it’s the right time to turn the Apple/Samsung/Google battle to its own advantage. Microsoft–what you really need is your own market–like Steve Jobs did with the iPhone/Pod/Pad, find a niche where you can make a difference and then make it. Therefore, in a spirit of gallantry, I offer you my suggestion. And remember, as the Tallest said to Invader Zim: “It’s not stupid–it’s ADVANCED!”

THE MICROSOFT TOASTER

The Microsoft Toaster

The Microsoft Toaster

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Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Recommends Hotmail for your Terrorist Needs!

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed of Al Qaida/Al-Qaeda used hotmail for communications. Here he receives an urgent message concerning his penis size.

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed found that spam often slowed his communications

Back in the 90s, the Navy held an exercise to test its defensive capabilities. Officers were given instructions to develop and implement offensive strategies that would be tested in live wargames. Well, one commander, realizing how futile it was to attack with a comparable force, selected a different course of action. Using small boats, he boarded the target vessel with light-armed sailors, kind of like the Somali pirates, and was able to effect a takeover. Naturally, this result was scratched and he was given a failing grade for the exercise. It wasn’t the result that had been wanted.
It seems al-Qaida, or al-Qaeda, whichever the preferred spelling of the week is, also used such really stupid like a fox methods for communicating. Hotmail, prepaid phone cards, public phones, search engines. The code they used for exchanging phone numbers was devastatingly–bush league–A “10-code”…subtract the real digits from 10 and pass that along. Amazingly enough, such lame-brained tactics skirted by our best intelligence efforts, which were all geared towards navigating the Byzantine and high tech methods of the former Soviet Union. Ali Saleh Kahlah al-Marri described the operations in his guilty plea agreement filed recently in federal court, see Al-Qaida Used Hotmail, Public Phones In Planning also in the Washington Post. What’s our solution? To turn our entire monitoring security apparatus to listening to every phone call made to or from overseas, wasting valuable resources since we have no idea how to cull innocent from suspicious communications (since of course, terrorists never actually SAY what they’re talking about–Yo, Khalid, I have those pomegranates).
In other news, the alleged “father” of the Malawian child Madonna wishes to adopt, who’d never visited the orphanage and is totally unknown to the deceased mother’s relatives, has brought suit against Madonna to keep the child in his care so she can be brought up in poverty. Madonna adoption case heard amid paternity dispute Sounds like a shakedown to me. Here’s a link to an earlier cartoon I drew on the subject Madonna and Child–Malawi Edition

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