Joe Wilson–Reloaded (hey, maybe he was loaded the first time around :) )

A Joe Wilson clone attempts to talk a policeman out of arresting him for a traffic accident on the grounds that he apologized once already--tell that to the rolling head.

Can't we just put this whole thing behind us?

Despite treating this earlier this week (and breaking my self-imposed schedule change in the process), I’ve decided that Joe Wilson’s outburst requires one more cartoon. The House, voting mostly along party lines, voted yesterday to give Joe a stern “wag of the finger.” Naughty, naughty Joe. For those of you who have been lost at sea for the last week, Joe, whose name, by the way, isn’t really Joe, but Addison Graves Wilson–and with a moniker like that, I’d tell everyone my name was Joe–interrupted President Obama’s healthcare speech with a shout of “You Lie!”–ummm, what was your name again, Joe?–claiming he was so upset by the prospect that, under the still-in-proposal health care plan, illegal aliens might get free treatment in emergency rooms without being deported, that he burst out with his now famous cry, gaining some truly terrifying looks from Nancy Pelosi and over a million bucks in new campaign contributions. I’d believe him more if he’d said that he was confused and thought he was at a town hall meeting, what with all the protest signs other Republican congressmen were carrying. Of course, he should have known he wasn’t, because no one seemed to be packing heat. I have already said (as did Chris Matthews) that perhaps this wasn’t as spontaneous an eruption of emotion as Addison Graves said it was. But let’s set my misgivings on that point aside for the moment. Joe, when he realized he had not gotten a standing ovation, called the White House after the speech and immediately apologized to Rahm Emanuel. When Rahm relayed the apology to President Obama, that sweet darling nitwit accepted it without a single caveat.
Now if I’d been Obama, I’d have said one thing to Joe. “Public insult–Public apology.” I mean, really, even Kanye West knows THAT one. And for those who have been at sea, when young Taylor Swift won an award for best female video at some awards show that I’d never even heard of before, Kanye leaped onto the stage, grabbed the mike from her and dissed her and the entire awards show by claiming that this award had been stolen from Beyoncé, without considering that Beyoncé might be getting the Best Video of the Year honor. To his credit, Kanye not only apologized to Swift, but also apologized publicly on his blog and on Jay Leno’s new ratings bomb show. And POTUS called HIM a jackass. But obviously , only one private apology is necessary to the President of the United States–he doesn’t have the commercial clout of the young country singer. Joe knows full well that any kind of public apology would totally negate whatever political advantage the incident has gained him. Perhaps he’s seen “She Wore A Yellow Ribbon” once too many times and John Wayne’s “Never apologize, it’s a sign of weakness,” has stuck to him tighter than a vending machine condom during an overdose of Viagra. Because we all know, only total rudeness is seen as strength by the kind of person who tries to drown out the speaker at a public gathering. And that’s the kind of person Joe Wilson wanted to impress. And unfortunately for Joe Wilson, that’s the kind of person he’s become.

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Joe Wilson: Firing Upon Fort Sumter

As he bleeds from a severed hand, a nurse tells a man that he looks Hispanic and thus she will have to check his birth certificate before the hospital can admit him for treatment.

Then they called Maria to clean up this mess...

Of course, the big news all last week was the “emotional outburst” of Joe Wilson, Republican congressman from South Carolina. Briefly, in defiance of congressional protocol, in defiance of military protocol (Joe Wilson is a retired Colonel in the National Guard), and in defiance of what his momma must have taught him was good manners (not that it seems to matter much these days), Joe interrupted President Obama’s speech on health care with the cry of “You Lie!” Besides calling into mind Invader Zim accusing earthling Dib of lying when Dib claims that Zim is…well, an alien invader, it also brings to mind the setting of the argument in that august show–a school playground. Wilson claimed that he was just so overwrought by emotion that the incident just sorta happened and has tried to get away with a private apology to Obama for a rather public insult.
Wilson’s account is disingenuous at best. It’s easier to see in his actions his own little version of General Beauregard opening fire on Fort Sumter, a direct opening salvo in the war against Obama. Joe, confused about the appropriateness of the town hall antics of the summer, fully expected the body of Republican Senators and Representatives to join in on calling Obama a liar and disrupt the speech completely in a chant of liar, liar, pants on fire. They didn’t, and Joe slunk away at the end of the speech, tail between his legs, calling the White House to offer a lame “I’m sowwy–I have kids in the service.” Whatever THAT has to do with it. But Joe’s tail didn’t stay between his legs for long! Not with Michele Malkin and Glenn Beck and the host of other rabblerousers calling him an American hero! Joe’s got his nuts back and he’s refusing to apologize to Congress for a censurable offence when he’s already apologized–in private–to the President. His heart must have leapt when he heard the Taxation Protesters echoing his accusation in chants of “Liar, Liar, pant on fire” this weekend.
Is it really about the prospect of illegally aliens getting free medical services under the still yet undefined Health Care plan? Especially when, as many observers have already pointed out, the proposed bills have language specifically excluding benefits to unofficial immigrants. Especially, as Donny Shaw pointed out on Open Congress, that Joe Wilson himself voted to reimburse hospitals for services rendered to uninsured illegal aliens back in 2003. Aaaaaahhhh, but that was under a REPUBLICAN Administration…with a white President.
I can’t help but think that this whole thing is part and parcel of some crazy-ass pipe dream that when some deluded “patriot” shoots Obama–as some of the crazies who’ve shown up with guns at the town hall meetings seem to be advocating (and many more secretly hoping for it)–he’ll be taken to the local hospital where HE WILL BE DENIED TREATMENT because he doesn’t have a valid HAWAIIAN BIRTH CERTIFICATE! Wouldn’t that be poetic justice for tryin’ to push Commie medicine down our throats and, at the same time, validate our paranoid fantasies? Then God will intervene and install Sarah Palin to her rightful place on the throne.
It’s getting dangerous to be sane.
(Personal note: a quick Hoppy Bird Day to JM 😉 )

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The Torch Has Passed, President Obama, Don’t Let It Drop

If you weren’t in a coma, or just weren’t paying attention because the Daily Show and Colbert Report were showing re-runs, you will have noticed that Ted Kennedy passed away from the brain cancer that has afflicted him the past year. Our condolences go out to his family and, indeed, to his larger family, the people of the United States of America. Kennedy wasn’t in politics for what he could skim off the top for himself. He wasn’t in it just for the people of Massachusetts, although no one worked harder for his constituency. Ted Kennedy was in politics to do whatever good he could for everyone in this country. Kennedy had a very “Catholic” attitude towards wealth–one that was shared by his two brothers, Jack and Bobby. God does not give you wealth as a sign of his favor, as the Calvinist would believe–rather, God lets the roll of the dice decide who’s wealthy and who’s not. His interest is, what GOOD will you do with your money? This is a lesson that frankly has escaped a lot of very wealthy people in this land–the idea that the wealthy have the obligation to use their riches to help others. They don’t have to impoverish themselves, but they have to leave this world a better place for their having been given the resources to do it with. We were lucky to have one such as Ted Kennedy to work for that end so hard for so long.
But enough theological speculation. Now we turn to the “What would Teddy do” game. Let’s name the health care bill after Teddy! HUZZAH! Now let’s try and pass it…huzzah… Senators on both sides of the aisle are starting to claim that Teddy would do–whoa, I stand in amazement–exactly what THEY would do. John Kerry has touted Kennedy’s willingness to compromise–a strategy that smacks more of Kerry than of Kennedy. Yes, Teddy would compromise–he’d also wheel and deal and he’d know when to hang tough and when to relent. Kennedy was not about compromise–he was about getting the job done.
But does the current state of the health care legislation really get the job done? When you look at it head-on, Obama’s negotiations with insurance companies and Big Pharma has resulted in a lot of empty promises. We’ll lower our profits by $80bn! Lower them from WHAT? What kind of profits did they expect to be making that they could toss that much away and STILL make ungodly profits? Then there’s the waffling on the “public option” which seems to be supported by the White House or considered “not to be a deal breaker” with each change of the wind. Without that public option, there’s no way to keep the insurance companies to their word and continue to ply business as usual. Then there’s Obama’s insistence on a bipartisan solution when the Republican party has declared that they will break him by not passing any reform. You can’t satisfy anyone who’s got their fingers in their ears…and their thumbs someplace else. Especially when they’re being egged on by Fox News and the goon squads who’ve been showing up at the town hall meetings to prevent any serious discussion, a la the brown shirts. Not to mention the revolt of the blue dog Democrats, whose campaign coffers have been heavily contributed to by the insurance companies for the purpose of stymying any real reform.
Heck, even the NYTimes is pushing for a majority vote so health care reform can be passed despite the bad faith and obstructionism of the Republican party. But, someone’s going to have to pull the blue dogs into line. That’s where we’re really going to miss Teddy–for his ability to pull the party together, wheel, deal, and maybe even threaten the recalcitrant to get into line. Obama wasn’t in the Senate long enough to know where the skeletons are buried and Harry Reid doesn’t have the clout. But unless the bluedogs are brought into line, we’ll either have a gutless wonder or nothing at all, which the thugs will claim as a win. The Ted Kennedy Health Care Bill? Let’s make sure it’s a reform that’s worthy to carry his name. And pass it. And that would be a fitting memorial to Teddy.

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Which way is the wind blowing today, Mr. President?

The townhall meetings are likened to the climax of Frankenstein where the mob of villagers burn the monster alive in the windmill, whose vanes form a burning cross.

A recent town hall meeting

Well, the anti-Obama mobs have continued disrupting the town meetings that the Republicans demanded so they could break them up with anti-Obama mobs. These guys are getting scary. One yahoo brought a loaded gun to a townhall meeting where the President of the United States was speaking, just in case he had the chance to shoot someone (see Armed and Dangerous?). He was carrying a sign reading, “It’s time to water the Tree of Liberty”–making a reference to a Jefferson quotation that continues, “with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” The police did not arrest him. He was on private property and the weapon wasn’t concealed so–he was breaking no laws. I guess there’s no law against an implied threat to the President in New Hampshire. I mean, come on, would you ever carry a loaded gun anywhere unless you think you might have to use it, right? Oh, heck, I might need to shoot a lock open next to the President of the United States, whom I think is really a Kenyan usurper, and a secret Moslem who wants to turn us into Socialists! Yes, I agree, that the idiot has the right to say whatever comes into his pointy little head, but the combination of advocating spilling the blood of tyrants while standing in a group of angry protestors WHILE carrying a loaded gun shows the sorry state of political discourse going on today. Some people (not mentioning any names, Republican party) seem to think that it’s OK to drown out someone trying to speak by shouting–probably because they see Bill O’Reilly do it on a nightly basis. Didn’t their mothers ever teach them how to be polite?
But their message is getting through to the Great Compromiser, who sent up a trial balloon to see if he could get away without a public option in the ever-dwindling Health Care Reform. This time, it was Kathy Sebelius who was chosen to take the bullet. The reaction from the left very pointedly showed that without the public option, the Democratic party can expect its progressive wing to sit on its hands come November 2010–and possibly 2012 as well. After all, without the public option, we might as well pass a bill apologizing to the Health Insurance conglomerates for needlessly worrying them about real reform. It’s truly amazing how many times someone in this Administration–which spends so much care crafting its messages–how many times someone “misspeaks”. BTW that has got to be the god-damnedest word in the English language, covering everything from Freudian slips to trial balloons to outright lies, trying to make it sound like missing the step on a short flight of stairs. I think it’s high time we replaced that term.
Anyway, Kathy Sebelius has officially misspoke and President Obama has re-iterated his support of the public option. But don’t try to get end-of-life counseling–that’s already in the crapper.

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Science Shocker! Blue Dog Democrats Can Dance! Experts Baffled!

Like parrots, Bluedog Democrats apparently share with humans a sense of rhythm and ability to dance...

In rare footage, Bluedog Democrats are seen dancing to a HealthCo beat...

Washington (AP)–In a new scientific study, behavioral psychologist Dr. D. Ingleberry has announced the amazing conclusion that contrary to all prior evidence, Bluedog Democrats are indeed capable of dancing. “We previously thought that due to their seeming inability to respond to cues provided by their constituencies or party affiliation, Bluedog Democrats had no sense of rhythm or timing whatsoever. However, evidence from YouTube videos show that Bluedogs, like parrots, share with humans a sense of rhythm and ability to dance. Indeed, they do seem rather parrot-like in their motions.”
Dr. Ohso Obvious added to her colleagues remarks that Bluedogs seem to evidence a kind of rudimentary discrimination. “They won’t dance to just anything. They seem to respond best to beats provided by lobbyists, especially the health insurance lobbies, and dance wildly in response to the waving of campaign contributions, much like dancers at a rave respond to light wands.” This is in keeping with the Bluedog philosophy that the people are entitled to the best government money can buy. “And since the best healthcare must obviously be the most expensive, we shall continue to endeavor to fight any efforts to provide our voters with cheaper alternatives.”
Video footage of the Bluedog dancing was not available but the scientists provided this additional video of a dancing parrot for readers to see what the dancing most closely resembled.