Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

INTRODUCING CAPTAIN TEABAG: SUPERCONGRESSMAN!

The new tea party candidates may find the task they've set themselves harder than they think.

Fighting for Fox News, no taxes ... and the American Way.

INTRODUCING: Captain Teabag! Newly elected to Congress, he plans to go to that den of iniquity, Washington DC, and turn it back to the truth of God and the US Constitution. Social programs? EVIL–they’re Social-IST! I’d never accept a penny from any one of them–not me! Maybe my lazy brother-in-law … and my cousins. And a few aunts and uncles. But not me–so WE don’t need them. Forget that one for all and all for one crap. Doesn’t the Bible say an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Well, I’m for myself!

And how do they pay for all these communist plots? All these unconstitutional TAXES. Tell me–where does it say that the government can COLLECT taxes? It says CONGRESS can LEVY taxes, nothing about collecting them. And it doesn’t say “INCOME taxes”. I’m gonna abolish taxes, abolish unemployment payments, abolish Obamacare. And that’s just on the FIRST day I’m in office!

Oh, and impeach the Kenyan.

BUT, we need to spend even more on Defense! All them Muslims are all out to attack us. We need to be more than ready to take care of them, we need to bring the fight over there. Let’s nuke Iran before they nuke us. And bring on the lobbyists so I know what to vote for.

My door will always be open to K Street.

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Intravenous Caffeine Exclusive: Lindsay Lohan Tweets About Iran (with NEW picture!)

Lindsay Lohan shows her solidarity with the Iranians in a semi-nude shot taken in her bathroom mirror (with hair extensions) wearing a green wristlet while resting at a spa.

I care about Iran--see my green wristlet?

HI EVRYBODY-I just wanted you ALL to know I was just teesing about posting that pitcher the other day JUST becuz I was bored I realy ment I

was showing solodarity with the ppl of Iraq-or is it Iran-enyway, the ppl who r protesting over their. Boy r they tweeting a lot this week

If only sumone had TOLD me I ws supposed to be wereing green so I looked thru my old pitchers to see if I culd find something I had green o

n in and I found one its a pitcher I took of myself when I was at this spa for a rest and look I have a green wristlet! they realy cared a

lot about me at that place they never let me be a lone for a minit thats why Ihad to laeve the door open. They treat women terrible over th

eir and force them to wear hookahs all the time. But I wantid you all to see this pitcher so you culd see that i realy cared about seomthin

g else besides myself wunce in a wile becuz i realy am a sensitive person who cares about other ppl a hole lot n i will try to find moar of

my pitchers that I took even before I new i had such deep feelings about this. preferably one were I am not wereing panties altho im not we

reing panties in this one but you can’t see becuz I have jeens on. Talk to u all later kiss kiss kiss

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