Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

OMG–Someone had sex with Dave Petraeus?

Dave Petraeus goes viral--oppan gubmint style, sexy lady gubmint style

Gangnam style a la Pentagon--Gubmint Style

The latest titillation taking our minds off of real news is, of course, the fact that Gangnam Style has just beat out one of Justin Bieber’s songs for the top download off of YouTube. Oh, that isn’t the story? Oh, the Pentagon scandal!

The latest titillation that’s taking our minds off of real news is, of course, the fact that someone actually had sex with a general. And didn’t have to by virtue of marriage. That’s right, Dave Petraeus, our star commander from Iraq by virtue of the fact that he didn’t suck as bad as the others (the surge worked, right?) and present, until recently when he handed in his resignation to spend more time with his family, head of the CIA, had an extramarital affair. With a groupie! His biographer, Paula Broadwell. Now that’s one welluva broad, if you ask me.

Now the details confuse me, but somehow, this was all discovered because Jill Kelley, who was also involved somehow with the General, got harassing emails from someone (the aforementioned Paula Broadwell) and asked the FBI to discover who. (Dear FBI–can you find out about all these broads who keep e-mailing me about the size of my equipment and how I can make it bigger? Must be nice to be able to call up your friendly agent and get results.) She, I think, was also engaged in exchanging “flirtatious” emails with General John Allen (who bears an unfortunate resemblance to Elmer Fudd). Hey, we got four–bridge anyone?

Well, all I can say is that this gives new definition to the concept of “surge.” Oppan Oppan Gubmint Style! Now that’s what I call PSY-ops!

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