Intravenous Caffeine

Totally Unfair and Completely Unbalanced

McCain: Thank God we still have a Congress to make sure Homosexuality stays in Capitol Hill bathrooms

John McCain takes the role of Uncle Sam, defending our troops against the onslaught of gay troops redecorating the barracks.

John McCain no longer has to worry about alienating any potential voters

Back in 2006, when McCain still thought he perhaps maybe could be President of these here United States and didn’t want to push away any potential voting demographics–something he no longer has anything to worry about since he’s pushed away as many as he already could–he famously said that when the armed services came to him and said that gays should be let in to serve openly, he’d be right behind them. Or maybe not so famously, since if you thought John had trouble programming his VCR, wait’ll you see the hash he made of his TiVo. You’d think some of these politicians would be aware that videotape has been around since the 1950s and in homes since the 70s–not to mention the YouTubes available on the Internets. Anyway, Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Michael Mullen went in front of the Senate Armed Services Committee and said how it’s time to let gay citizens defend their country without having to lie about who they are. Well, you’d think they suggested replacing the US flag with stripes of puce and chartreuse. Gates and Mullen were BIASED with regards to this policy and clearly it needed more study on its effects on the troops. You know, like more study is needed on whether or not the earth is a coupla billion years old or 6000, or whether polar bears are taking swimming lessons. What would be the result on their readiness and effectiveness? Well, for one thing, if we hadn’t discharged several gay Arabic translators, we might be having a better time of it in the Middle East, but that’s too rational so it doesn’t count. No, Uncle John is talking about more important issues like whether or not you’re going to lie awake in the barracks wondering if your bunkmates are banging girls or banging boys! Whether you will come back from maneuvers one day to discover curtains and potted palms festooning the living quarters. Whether you’ll be all ready to shoot your weapon only to go SQWIK when you realize the soldier next to you is GAY! By weapon, I mean your rifle. We must take care of our sensitive troops–it’s not like they’ll be encountering gay people EVERYWHERE ELSE in the universe. “Thank God we still have Congress to keep you guys from running your own show,” McCain countered. “I ought to know what today’s serviceman thinks, I was one thirty years ago! Let’s keep homosexuality in the Capitol Hill bathrooms where it belongs!”

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
[del.icio.us] [Digg] [Facebook] [Mixx] [Reddit] [StumbleUpon] [Technorati] [Twitter] [Buzz] [Email]

Help is On the WAY–in a few days…

A marine shouts to victims under a pile of rubble that they will get help as soon as the marines finish setting up a secure base camp.

We would have sent in food and water immediately, but there was no security structure in place.

Well, we’re finally doing something over in Haiti, but, sad to say, we got beat to the punch. Rescue teams from … Iceland … were despatched almost immediately after the earthquake struck. Sniffer dogs arrived from … China … within 48 hours. In the immediate aftermath of the earthquake, the President of the Lumbering Giant of America said that we could get the first 2000 Marines to Haiti–a mere 700 miles from Florida and a hop, skip and jump from Puerto Rico–in a few days. A few days means a lot to a victim still buried under rubble. Or someone sitting on the roof of their submerged house as we found out from Katrina. But Haiti is not New Orleans. It’s simply the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere.
Greg Palast has a remarkable precis of the screwy US response. I don’t want to copy what he’s said, but what it boils down to is that instead of treating the Haitian tragedy as an EMERGENCY, our response has been to treat it as a military operation. Secretary Gates said he would not send in food and water immediately because there was no security apparatus in place. OF COURSE NOT, an entire country has been devastated. The proper response in an EMERGENCY is to send in rescuers first, followed up by relief and security. But America is so hamstrung by both its muscle-bound state and its security paranoia that instead of doing the right thing first, we started out with the back end of the horse.
Our first operation appears to have been to secure the Port-au-Prince airport and try to take over rescue efforts in a way that had French Cooperation Minister Alain Joyandet complain that we seemed to be more concerned with occupying Haiti rather than helping it. Indeed, we secured the airport so well that we refused landing to an aircraft from “Doctors without Borders” carrying supplies and an inflatable surgical hospital, forcing them to land in the Dominican Republic and truck in the supplies over the mountains, delaying their arrival for 24 hours. Danny Schecter on Media Channel suggests that our overweaning focus on security may be driven more by a desire to keep US-deposed President Aristide out of Haiti than on anything to do with the safety of the country.
We’ve heard a lot about things being “too big to fail” in recent months–the banks are too big to be allowed to go under after they’ve screwed up the economy, the health insurance industry is too big to be allowed to be given competition from a single payer health plan. And even when the leading political party is in agreement on something in general, it can’t agree with itself about what it wants. Could it be that the US has become too big to act effectively? Man, if so, we better get some streamlining in pronto before we choke to death on our immensity.

ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS! CONFOUND YOUR ENEMIES! PRESS ONE OF THESE BUTTONS--OR ELSE!
[del.icio.us] [Digg] [Facebook] [Mixx] [Reddit] [StumbleUpon] [Technorati] [Twitter] [Buzz] [Email]

© 2009-2019 Gregory Uchrin, Intravenous Caffeine All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright