Palin’s Pick, Preferred by Pawlenty, in Potsdam and Plattsburgh, got Plainly and Powerfully Pwned

This is going to grab me no readers–after all, the results of this past Tuesday’s election are already wrapping yesterday’s fish. Which is odd, considering the runup which made it seem like it was the most important election after the last election (as Jon Stewart noted). Yesterday we had 24 hours of “Was this a referendum on Obama?” or “Was it just local politics?” Myself, I think it was a little bit of the former and a LOT of the latter. But That is NUANCE. And Cable TV News doesn’t do nuance. Leaving aside Faux News as a propaganda machine, the other two 25/8 news networks wouldn’t know nuance if it grabbed a mallet from hammerspace and hit them over the head. I mean, when Wolf Blitzer accidentally got a confession from Balloon Boy, someone had to whisper it in his earpiece before he even noticed what he’d tripped over. And over on MSNBC, Chris Matthews’ idea of a debate resembles more a college wrestling match than any intellectual exchange–2 out of 3 throws. But I shouldn’t take them to task–even the newspapers don’t do nuance any more–and they wonder why they’re being run out of business by the Internets.
Anyhow, to return to Tuesday’s election, pretty much everything happened the way it could really be expected–no matter how much anyone hoped otherwise. But the fun race of the day was Congressional District 23 of New York. District 23 has gone Republican for the last 2000 years, and this year it promised no difference. IF it hadn’t been for the teabaggers who decided that the Republican candidate, Dierdre Scozzafava, was a closet lefty, planning to bring socialism down on the heads of her constituents. After all, she supported abortion rights and gay marriage, the next thing you know, she would be demanding the re-distribution of wealth. So they sent in their ringer, Doug Hoffman. Hoffman, who had to be told where the 23rd District was, had no idea what its issues might be–he was being sent in to defend the country from Kenyan aliens masquerading as Hawaiians. Soon Sarah Palin descended upon the 23rd District, tho’ invited by none. Along with Tim Pawlenty, governor of Minnesota, they supported the hell out of Dougie.
Now you know the deer in the headlights look. Imagine that deer suddenly noticing a 16-wheeler coming hellbent down the highway at 85 mph and you’ll have a good idea of how Doug Hoffman started to look. I mean seriously, I’ve never seen a candidate with a more shell-shocked expression on his face–if he opened his eyes any wider, they would have exploded from the pressure differential. Because of or in spite of Sarah’s help, he started taking Scozzafava’s voter base and Scozzafava dropped out–instructing her supporters to vote for the DEMOCRAT, Bill Owens, who was at least playing fair. Despite that clue, Limbaugh, O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, and the rest, all fell over themselves predicting a landslide for the carpetbagger. The entire MSM called it the most important race of all time because it would show how much support Obama had lost and how important the teabaggers had become.
Then Dougie lost. The 23rd went Democrat for the first time in two millenia and … everyone switched gears and started discussing NJ and VA and THAT became the referendum on Obama. And by Monday, no one will even remember if we had the most important off-off year election of the century last Tuesday.
Have a good weekend folks 🙂

Stop the Presses, Census Worker Murdered–TWO WEEKS AGO???

OK, I can see how local law enforcement might think the death of Bill Sparkman could be a suicide. After all, with what Michele Bachmann and other wingnuts have been saying about the census, poor Bill could have been so depressed at the thought that he was contributing to the downfall of Western Democracy, Christianity and all that we hold dear so that Kenya could dominate the world in something other than Olympic running, that he scrawled FED on his own chest and hanged himself. That’s one theory. Another theory, just possibly a little more probable, is that Bill was mistaken for a revenooer or a DEA agent or just saw the wrong thing and was eliminated as a witness–with FED scrawled over his chest to alert the FBI that a gang of drug and/or illegal whisky purveyors were hiding out in this vicinity…they obviously wanted the publicity. Or it could have been a result of all the spew from the right wing at how the census will turn these United Statesl into a socialist worker’s paradise, aided by the pimp=and-prostitute loving, false voter registering ACORN. Maybe Glenn Beck even thinks this is crazy stuff, but they don’t think that over on CLEAR CHANNEL where they are advising people not to fill out the census–thus ensuring that their state will not get the representation that its population will deserve.
What gets to me is that with all this talk about the census in the news, the Associated Press really jumped on this story…and buried it for 10 days! Granted that since the days of Ronny Raygun, AP has been drifting starboard (and it’s fascinating to watch how individual stories become more “balanced” as different levels of editors get their hands on an issue to the point where in a recent story birther protests were equated with protests against torture at Abu Ghraib), but what did they think suppressing a story like this was going to achieve? Were they hoping that they could release it at a time when no one would notice? Myself, I’m of the opinion that it took 10 days to find out whether or not Michele Bachmann had an alibi for the date in question–they have such a great research department! But I’d better quit talking about this if I don’t want to get slapped with a plagiarism charge and get sued for violation of copyright because it IS an AP story–and their legal department’s position is that you cannot even CITE an AP story without stepping over the borders of their vast intellectual property domain.
Nancy Pelosi recently invoked the ridicule of the right by suggesting that America was at risk from politics erupting into violence, with House Minority Whip Eric Cantor returning his own opinion that Speaker Pelosi was living in another world. Nancy was either prescient (if she had to wait for the AP story to appear) or better-informed than Cantor who is living in a bubble of mythical America where assassinations, lynchings and mob violence only happen–to someone else. But even POLITICO has discovered that there might be reason to be worried–at least in the opinion of several former CIA, FBI and Secret Service officers. Myself, I HOPE this terrible crime was the fault of drug or alcohol miscreants. But seriously–I have me doubts. Even Bachmann evidently has her doubts, considering the way she cut a reporter who asked for her comment. Michele should realize that those who play with guns sometimes get shot–in their own foot by their own finger. In the meantime, being a census worker has been declared a hazardous occupation and is grounds for cancellation of your health insurance policy. Have a nice day 🙂
(My condolences to Bill Sparkman’s family–my cartoon is not meant to belittle his unfortunate death but to ridicule the competency with which it is being investigated.)

Joe Wilson: Firing Upon Fort Sumter

Of course, the big news all last week was the “emotional outburst” of Joe Wilson, Republican congressman from South Carolina. Briefly, in defiance of congressional protocol, in defiance of military protocol (Joe Wilson is a retired Colonel in the National Guard), and in defiance of what his momma must have taught him was good manners (not that it seems to matter much these days), Joe interrupted President Obama’s speech on health care with the cry of “You Lie!” Besides calling into mind Invader Zim accusing earthling Dib of lying when Dib claims that Zim is…well, an alien invader, it also brings to mind the setting of the argument in that august show–a school playground. Wilson claimed that he was just so overwrought by emotion that the incident just sorta happened and has tried to get away with a private apology to Obama for a rather public insult.
Wilson’s account is disingenuous at best. It’s easier to see in his actions his own little version of General Beauregard opening fire on Fort Sumter, a direct opening salvo in the war against Obama. Joe, confused about the appropriateness of the town hall antics of the summer, fully expected the body of Republican Senators and Representatives to join in on calling Obama a liar and disrupt the speech completely in a chant of liar, liar, pants on fire. They didn’t, and Joe slunk away at the end of the speech, tail between his legs, calling the White House to offer a lame “I’m sowwy–I have kids in the service.” Whatever THAT has to do with it. But Joe’s tail didn’t stay between his legs for long! Not with Michele Malkin and Glenn Beck and the host of other rabblerousers calling him an American hero! Joe’s got his nuts back and he’s refusing to apologize to Congress for a censurable offence when he’s already apologized–in private–to the President. His heart must have leapt when he heard the Taxation Protesters echoing his accusation in chants of “Liar, Liar, pant on fire” this weekend.
Is it really about the prospect of illegally aliens getting free medical services under the still yet undefined Health Care plan? Especially when, as many observers have already pointed out, the proposed bills have language specifically excluding benefits to unofficial immigrants. Especially, as Donny Shaw pointed out on Open Congress, that Joe Wilson himself voted to reimburse hospitals for services rendered to uninsured illegal aliens back in 2003. Aaaaaahhhh, but that was under a REPUBLICAN Administration…with a white President.
I can’t help but think that this whole thing is part and parcel of some crazy-ass pipe dream that when some deluded “patriot” shoots Obama–as some of the crazies who’ve shown up with guns at the town hall meetings seem to be advocating (and many more secretly hoping for it)–he’ll be taken to the local hospital where HE WILL BE DENIED TREATMENT because he doesn’t have a valid HAWAIIAN BIRTH CERTIFICATE! Wouldn’t that be poetic justice for tryin’ to push Commie medicine down our throats and, at the same time, validate our paranoid fantasies? Then God will intervene and install Sarah Palin to her rightful place on the throne.
It’s getting dangerous to be sane.
(Personal note: a quick Hoppy Bird Day to JM 😉 )

Two Little Maids From School Are We…

For those of you not into Japanese comics, a chibi is a diminutive character that usually performs the role of the “cute, annoying sidekick”. It actually means “small child” and adult characters can morph into their “chibi” forms when they are behaving stupid and childishly, bouncing up and down like a two-year old on tear in a temper tantrum. 🙂
Well, it seems that old Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck (whom I didn’t draw) have looked at the glass and called Sonia Sotomayer, Obama’s nominee for the Supreme Court, a racist–not noticing that this particular piece of glass was a mirror not a window. Her offense? Suggesting that someone of her background might have a broader range of knowledge and experience than a white guy. From Susan Crile in the Huffington Post comes the actual quote: As evidence, media figures like Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Mark Levin, have pointed to a speech Sotomayor gave at the University of California, Berkeley, School of Law in 1992. During the speech, she said, “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.” Oh gee, maybe a little self-congratulatory, but racist? Well we all know the strategy from the Karl Rove playbook, “Thou shalt accuse thy opponents of thine own fault before they accuse thee!” By doing this, you make your opponent seem childish and unoriginal if they turn the accusation back on you…i.e., “You’re a racist.” “No, YOU’RE a racist.” “No, YOU’RE the racist…” etc. etc. You get the picture. Pundits like Gingrich, Limbaugh and Beck are trying to appeal to the basest of their base–not the intelligent, informed conservative, but the xenophobic nuts who have hijacked de facto control of the Republican Party. Whatever happened to the party that could boast liberals like Nelson Rockefeller–yes, at one time, it was possible to use liberal and Republican in the same sentence and within living memory too! Better start kissing the Hispanic vote goodbye, guys, you can have your wish of being the “whitest of whites” party. Pass the Clorox, please.

“I’m sick and tired of all this government spending!” Well, Where the Hell were you when the bill was being rung up?

Once again, Fox News has come out to protect the American Rich Person–and convinced a good number of the not so rich to support them. Does anyone over there even know that the tax increase only effects people making over $200K a year? What do they all think–they’re all gonna win the lottery? Or do they care, because in the back water of extremist right wing hate, it’s being claimed that this tax increase will be going to pay minorities to do nothing. Who needs roads, who needs education? Burn the books–as someone shouted at one of Glenn Beck’s 9-12 meetings the other week. Is Fox a news network or a cheering section? Do they blame George Bush for running up our national credit debt to ungodly proportions? No–it’s Obama’s debt, even though he’s been in office less than 3 months. A return to pre-Bush levels of taxation on the wealthy? TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION! What–do they think it’s only legitimate if Republicans vote the tax bill? Impeach Obama–not because of what he did but because of what he MIGHT do. Hey, isn’t that the kind of thinking that got us into Iraq? Texas may have to secede, says its governor, Rick Perry. Well, won’t that be a shame.
Look, I don’t give Obama a 100% on his report card so far. He’s done some good things, but I think he’s headed for trouble in the way he’s handling the financial crisis by listening to the people who are hoping that this is just a glitch in need of a big correction. And Afghanistan may turn out to be as bad a morass as Iraq if we escalate our presence. And his Justice Department needs a good swift kick in the rear. But if anything, he hasn’t raised taxes on the wealthy ENOUGH. He’s done nothing to warrant impeachment, unlike the fratboy who held the office the last 8 years, unless you believe all the lies that were spread about him with the help of the so-called “fair and balanced” news network that spread innuendo as if it were fact and bravely “asked questions” where there weren’t any questions that needed to be asked. And for God’s sake, how can he be a fascist AND a socialist at the same time???
Do this group know what it means to teabag someone? You bet they do. They want to teabag Obama and all the people who voted for him, all the people who voted out Republicans from the Senate and the House, all the people who believe in science instead of creationism, all the people who think they’re so smart, all those blacks and hispanics and asians and…

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ABOUT MEH

Cartoons and text by Greg Uchrin (aka Gregorius alexandrinus), with the able assistance of Fred and Bert Squirrel, with special appearances by George Dymme. Published once a week on Mondays.

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